David Malki !

Happily Ever After, Even Now

Movies in which couples overcome various misunderstandings to eventually hug and kiss as the credits roll ask us to believe that their characters will be together forever.

So I got to thinking: assuming that the couples who get together at the end of movies stay together into the foreseeable future, what must they look like now? Surely they are still together, making coffee in the mornings, shuffling children off to this activity or that, taking trips to see plays and figuring out new digital cameras on the occasional Alaskan cruise.

I present the following as aids to your imagination, helping you to picture the lives of these fictional characters extended out ten, twenty, thirty years until the strange story of their first, accidental meeting is family legend retold every Thanksgiving to the grandchildren: “You know I used to fly Tomcats in the Navy — well, one day, Grandma waltzed into my classroom at Miramar, and I about flipped my lid. I told her about a MiG I’d seen recently, and she tried to freeze me out. And then I played volleyball for a while with Uncle Iceman.”

Just added: PORTLAND & L.A. signings!

I was hoping this would all come together, and it has! Hooray! I’ll be coming to Portland, Oregon next week — Wednesday, June 23rd — for a combination book signing and comedy performance of Tweet Me Harder. I was bummed that I wasn’t able to make it to the Stumptown Comics Fest this year, but I’m pleased that I’ll be able to come to Portland after all. I’ll be bringing a small set of Wondermark books and the usual paraphernalia, as well as the new Tweet Me Harder book I’ve written with Kris Straub. And Kris and I will be taking the stage to spin wild, hilarious yarns as part of the festivities of the evening! PLUS there will be many other famous cartoonists there such as Octopus Meredith, Dresden A. Diaz and Erika Moen. YOU SHOULD COME.

Folks have been telling me recently, “David, I hear you keep talking about Tweet Me Harder, but I am not sure that I am interested. I don’t tweet, I can’t bother to tune in live when you do your show, I’m not even quite sure what it is, I don’t have the stomach for podcasts and I’m not fond of you personally.” I’m happy to clarify:

You don’t have to use Twitter to enjoy TMH. It’s just a way that people can interact with the show! Sort of like the callers on a talk radio show. But I’d say that 95% of the TMH listener base has never tweeted to us. That’s fine!

You don’t have to listen live. It’s a podcast! You can subscribe on iTunes and listen to the recorded shows. Again, I’d say the vast majority of people — certainly over 90% — listen to the recorded shows after the fact. DO EET

It is a comedy talk show. Kris and I solve all the world’s problems, every week, for an hour. It will improve your life immeasurably.

You don’t even have to listen to enjoy the show — that’s what the book is for! And you can ignore that this book is a Tweet Me Harder book. Just consider it a comedy book written by me! If you like the voice behind Wondermark, give TMH a try. IN FACT — here is a free chapter from the book so you can see if it’s something you might enjoy more of. KAPOW.

If you are not fond of me personally, I don’t know that we have a lot of common ground to stand on! Perhaps we should ask a mutual friend for advice on how to move forward with our relationship? I think it will just take time, and good intentions, and having some real quality experiences together. Hence the party on Wednesday.

“David, I like Wondermark, but I’ve tried TMH and I hate it.” Well, okay. I’d argue that you may have tripped over a bum episode in a bad mood, but fine. I beg your indulgence, now and in the future, because I will continue to prattle about it. I am very proud of what Kris and I are doing, and we keep getting better.

SO — book signing, Portland, June 23rd! The open house starts at 6PM and the TMH performance will be about 7:30. The address is 1515 SE 46th Ave, 97215, or here is a Facebook thing. Hope to see you there!

ALSO: BONUS LOS ANGELES SIGNINGS:

The Devastator, the humor anthology you kindly contributed to, is being released next week! I will be attending the release party at Meltdown Comics on Saturday, June 26th and signing copies of the book. I don’t know that I’ll have Wondermark stuff with me, but I will certainly have smiles! And what the heck, I will give away free sketches to anyone who attends.

I will have Wondermark stuff at a signing at Secret Headquarters on July 15! More info to come on this one, but both this and the Portland appearance will be in conjunction with Meredith Gran’s nationwide tour for the release of her new Octopus Pie collection, There Are No Stars in Brooklyn.

LET’S MAKE IT HAPPEN

Tweet Me Harder book! And TOTALLY the BEST shirt

It’s here! The very first Tweet Me Harder book. Written by me and Kris Straub, this book collects the first ten hours of our weekly comedy podcast and adds illustrations, annotations, footnotes and indexes to become the ultimate Tweet Me Harder companion. And if you’re not already following Tweet Me Harder, this is a great way to check out the content of the show (and get plenty of good laughs) without all that bothersome listening. TMH BOOK: Read your podcasts.™

ALSO: As a special upgrade we are also offering this book in DISGUISE MODE, for when you want to shield what you are reading from others (for any reason whatsoever):

Keep your privacy your own with TMH Disguise Mode.™

Also here is a new shirt I have made! It is what I feel, about everything.

Remember: you get five bucks off with the purchase of any three shirts from TopatoCo (my store or others). May I humbly suggest The Second Coming of Lincoln and perhaps Everything is Fine, as well?

This weekend: Charlotte!

It’s here! The last stop on my comprehensive tour of the world! I’ll be in Charlotte, NC for Heroes Con this coming Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and you should come out to the Charlotte Convention Center to say hello. I will look forward to seeing you! We will have a pleasant conversation! The last time I was in Charlotte I had quite the time. This time I imagine will be double that and more in every measurable way.

On Sunday, I’ll also have the pleasure of appearing on a panel with the estimable Kate Beaton, to be moderated by one of the finest minds in comics journalism, Tom Spurgeon. Tom gave me one of the best interviews I’ve ever had and I look forward to seeing and speaking with him this weekend. And Kate’s always a delight — her comics crack me up with every update and I’m pleased to call her a good friend. The panel will be at 4:30 PM and I’ll be sure to wear my brightest smile.

CHARLOTTE HERE I COME you better get READY