There are companies in this foul world that specifically hire people to make their policies hard to understand, in defiance of transparency, courtesy, and good business. And there are companies that, in concert with what is good and best for humanity and our shared society, work hard to make their policies easy to understand. The Center for Plain Language, a Washington, DC nonprofit, invites you to submit examples in both categories — good, clear business communications to be rewarded with shiny trophies at a fancy ceremony; and horrible, confusing, misleading and/or opaque business communications to be savagely mocked by yours truly in as ruthless a manner as possible.

The Center’s ClearMark Awards will recognize businesses and organizations that put normal human beings in charge of communicating to the public. We’ve all breathed sighs of relief upon encountering something that’s simply easy to use and understand. Why not reward the folks who get it by nominating your favorite example of user-friendliness for a ClearMark Award?

And then there are the WonderMark Awards. Send in the absolute worst examples of nonsense balderdash you’ve ever seen issue forth from a corporate lawyer or government bureaucrat’s bile-salted horror-fingers, and the Center and I will rub our hands together mischievously and make fun of the organization in as public and shameful a manner possible. It is the only way they will learn. (They probably won’t learn, but let’s have some fun anyhow.)

Here’s how to submit nominations. The deadline is very soon —Monday, March 1 — so don’t delay! DO IT NOW.

All right, it’s that time again — when I realize I’m trying to do way too much with way too few hours in the day, days in the week, and weeks in the metamorpho-cycle. I need your help. I am looking for the following:

FACEBOOK APP PROGRAMMER. I don’t know anything about programming Facebook apps. I made one once, but it only kind of works. I’d like to make something that posts the latest comic on your thing, and lets you share it with your Facebookfolks, and has a little excerpt of blog posts as well, and, you know, does all that. It can probably be built from my RSS. If you know how to build this, email me and bid a rate.

SPRING INTERN. I’d like someone to come into my office (in Venice, CA) once a week or so and help me with various projects! Duties will vary with your expertise but may involve scanning, inventory control, shipping, designing, web surfing, and helping me figure out my dang life. Meals will be provided each day! Ideally you are a student and can get some kind of class credit for this, but, you know, whatever. To apply, email me your resumé and a brief cover letter. If you’ve applied previously for this position, and you’re still interested, go ahead and re-submit.

I’ll probably have more opportunities later, but LET’S START WITH THIS. Thanks!