Comic Transcripts

[[A smartphone is on an end table. It’s balancing up on end, and speaking, so maybe it’s animate? This is unclear.]]

SMARTPHONE: Hey! HEY!

[[The phone is speaking to PORDLEY, who is trying to practice the piano. He looks up at the phone which is addressing him on its own.]]

SMARTPHONE: I can’t help but notice you’ve been holding me less. I MISS you. I miss your nimble TAPS and SWIPES.

PORDLEY: It’s because you’re a PORTAL to HORRORS! Nothing personal. It’s just…you ARE a PORTAL. And there are SO VERY MANY horrors.

SMARTPHONE: I’m a portal to EVERYTHING. Don’t you want to see GOOFS AND SPOOFS? You LOVE goofs and spoofs!

PORDLEY: I DO love goofs and spoofs.
SMARTPHONE: I’ve got SO MANY goofs and spoofs.

[[Pordley, convinced, reaches tentatively for the phone…]]

[[HORRORS ERUPT FROM THE PHONE. Of course! Of course!!!]]

{{header: log back on to WONDERMARK.COM}}

#1582; Limit Your Scream Time transcribed by in

[[A smartphone is on an end table. It's balancing up on end, and speaking, so maybe it's animate? This is unclear.]]

SMARTPHONE: Hey! HEY!

[[The phone is speaking to PORDLEY, who is trying to practice the piano. He looks up at the phone which is addressing him on its own.]]

SMARTPHONE: I can't help but notice you've been holding me less. I MISS you. I miss your nimble TAPS and SWIPES.

PORDLEY: It's because you're a PORTAL to HORRORS! Nothing personal. It's just...you ARE a PORTAL. And there are SO VERY MANY horrors.

SMARTPHONE: I'm a portal to EVERYTHING. Don't you want to see GOOFS AND SPOOFS? You LOVE goofs and spoofs!

PORDLEY: I DO love goofs and spoofs.
SMARTPHONE: I've got SO MANY goofs and spoofs.

[[Pordley, convinced, reaches tentatively for the phone…]]

[[HORRORS ERUPT FROM THE PHONE. Of course! Of course!!!]]

{{header: log back on to WONDERMARK.COM}}

This actually isn't good! Phones only show you horrors when they're VERY DEPRESSED, or at any other time

#1582; Limit Your Scream Time

  — February 12th, 2026

[ Tags: , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/1582/

[ 💬 Comment thread on Discord ]

Buy a Print

Applications open for Genius Northwest – an IRL gaming competition

May 8, 2026 by David Malki !

Last year, I participated in Genius Northwest, a gaming competition inspired by the Korean gameshow The Genius and its ilk.

It’s a reality show without the cameras — a 3-day, all-inclusive weekend retreat structured around a series of challenges and puzzles, in which personalities and dealmaking matter as much as playing games.

It’s truly a remarkable thing. I came in dead last in the competition, but I still had a great time participating.

The event is held annually in the Pacific Northwest (hence the name) and applications are now open to participate in the 2026 competition!

Learn more — and apply — at GeniusNW.com.


Recent blog posts