David Malki !

Two charming old videos!

Marksman Doug C. shares this video, saying “I finally found one of my favorite short animations from my childhood (1961) online and thought it was worth sharing with you. An obvious source for Terry Gilliam, and clear antecedent to your own use of engravings for potentially humourous effect, I present… ‘The Do-It-Yourself Cartoon Kit’ by Bob Godfrey, 5:25 of Pythonesque non-sequiturs and free sound effects, all made by British Labour.”

And Edward S. shares this video, saying “Your recent strips concerning the abstract concept of ‘the time’ put me in mind of a well-known sketch from the radio comedy series, “The Goon Show”, which worked on similar lines.”

Thanks, guys!

Caption Contest #3 WINNERS!

These caption contests have been super-fun to read, and very, very difficult to judge! Thanks to everyone who submitted — this time around I received around 650 suggested captions for the below image. Common themes included “it was this big” references; fish puns of every nature; fashion discussions (“that hat does not go with those boots!” and “Does this make my butt (or ‘my bass’) look big?”; attention called to the open drawer; butler/fancy lady interactions; references to Darwin and evolution; and long Dickensian dialogues.

For maximum hilarity — after reading each one, glance back up at the blank image to clear your palate! With a list like this, they really only work if you take them one at a time. Reading in quick sequence just turns the whole list to nonsense in your mind. AND THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS :[

HONORABLE MENTIONS

“Excuse me, I should have knocked.” — Daniel Hulme

“Would M’sieur now like to see our shawls?” — Giles Cresswell

‎”Well ONE of us is going to have to change!” — James Michael Spoonhour II

“I see… And what was your third wish?” — Uri Cohen

“It seems, Mildred, there was a problem with the incantation.” — Noelle Reed

“Is it midnight already? Darn it!” — Divya Tyam

“Why, you’re the spitting image of your mother!” — Thea Evenstad

“Good lord — Edmund! But if you’re here, then who has Sybil just married?” — Paul Jones

“Please tell me you’re using a coaster!” — Bob Heatherington

“Sigh…You’ve been on the internet again, haven’t you?” — Aidan Healy

“YOU’RE Abe Froman? The Sausage KING of Chicago?” — Ned Keitt-Pride

‎”Quickly, honey, fetch the camera! Our baby’s walking!” — Conor Byworth

“You idiot, I’ve been looking all over for those!” — Quinn Colter

“The people are calling for their queen. What should I tell them?” — Julie Charlotte Mikachu Chen

‎”Goodness me! Madam, have you seen a man-eating fish?” — Jason Batchklopf

“No, I don’t think we should open any of the other drawers.” — Linden Malki

‎”Lady Gaga? What are you doing on my writing desk?” — Evan Yeong

“It’s not you, it’s me.” — Billy Faithfull

After realizing that one of the tough things about Caption Contest #2 was that it was unclear which character was talking, I tried to make it more obvious this time around. The fish’s mouth is closed, and the guy’s making an animated gesture. Still, there were plenty of funny captions in which the fish is the speaker:

“‎This is who I am, Dad.” — Sean Willett

“Can’t I just look pretty on my big day?” — David Brown

“It’s no longer Herring, Phillip. It’s Herriet.” — Travis Cody Fischer

“Believe it or not, Lord Tuffington, your beloved Russian paramour is none other than I, Detective Richard Fishman!” — Alex K. Rich

‎”I thought you knew what you signed up for, Philip.” — Molly Price

‎”I found the love letters, Donald. I’ll send for my things.” — Kathleen Ruhl

“20 bucks. Same as in town.” — Shawn LeBlanc

I also received a couple of captions that were taken from other sources. Mark Snegg contributed the following:

“He received me very courteously; but, it must be confessed that his apartment, and furniture, and morning dress were sufficiently uncouth.” — quote from James Boswell, describing his first visit to Dr. Samuel Johnson

And Sean Kleefeld wrote, “I’m just going to swipe some dialogue from today’s ‘Garfield’ for my caption entry: ‘Look who’s talking, fatso.’ ”

This is a tremendous idea, and I think all future caption contests should include the “what did ‘Garfield’ say today” feature as well.

AND NOW…

…a reminder that I’ll be at the San Diego Comic-Con all this week and weekend! Look for me at the TopatoCo booth, #1229. It’s an easy booth to remember: just think “1-2-3-4” and go there. We’re right within a few yards of booth #1234.

AND NOW

THE WINNER

…very nearly was:

“Oh for heaven’s sake, it’s only a mouse.” — Molly Price

Which is hilarious! (As were all of Molly’s entries.)

But I tried to picture this cartoon, with caption, in a book or magazine or someplace where nobody knew it was a caption contest. The best caption would be dry, taking the absurdity in stride, but also in some way acknowledging the strange element.

So here’s my favorite, FOR REAL

Congratulations to Taylor Noll! Taylor wins a signed print of this comic with the caption rendered CANON.

Check out many more funny contest entries on the Wondermark Facebook page, and keep them knives a-sharpenin’ for the next caption contest!

This weekend: Readercon in Massachusetts!

I was very kindly invited to the Readercon literary conference in Burlington, Massachusetts, and I’ll be there tomorrow and through the weekend! If you’re interested in genre literature, these folks really now how to put together a compelling program — just look at all the cool panels and presentations.

I’ll be involved in these in particular:

Friday, 12:00 PM : Writing Within Constraints. Scott Edelman, Elaine Isaak, Michael Aondo-verr Kombol, John Langan, David Malki ! (leader), Madeleine Robins. Whether it’s writing on a theme for an anthology, writing on assignment or commission, or simply imposing rules to jump-start your creativity, writing within constraints can be an incredible way to defeat “the tyranny of the blank page.” We discuss the rewards and challenges of starting with someone else’s idea.

Friday, 5:00 PM : Kaffeeklatsch with David Malki !, Delia Sherman.

Friday, 7:00 PM : True Stuff from Old Books. David Malki ! of Wondermark presents a slide show of fascinating, forgotten articles unearthed from Victorian-era newspapers and magazines. A man breathes fire! A steam-powered flying machine attempts its first flight! Inventors and adventurers dream big, and often die! And human nature remains unchanged through the ages.

Saturday, 11:00 AM : Autographs (and sketches!) with David Malki !, Barry B. Longyear.

Saturday, 2:00 PM : Tin Foil Hat Open Mike. Rose Fox (moderator), K.A. Laity, Shira Lipkin, David Malki !, Charles Platt, Eric M. Van, Harold Torger Vedeler. Bring your wildest and wackiest ideas to this open mike session. Each speaker gets five minutes, ruthlessly enforced, to try to convince the audience of an unprovable (and ideally undisprovable) theory related to speculative fiction. The viewers are free to applaud or heckle as they see fit. No handouts, no visual aids, no multimedia, no Q&As, no spitballs, and please, no politics or religion.

Sunday, 11:00 AM : Reconsidering Anthologies. Mike Allen, Leah Bobet, David Boop, Robert Killheffer, David Malki ! (leader). Anthologies are incredibly popular for writers to submit to and proudly display their work in — but who reads them? Why don’t they sell well? Is there some reason they occupy the same cultural mind-space as foreign films: culturally relevant, but rarely bothered with? David Malki !, editor of last year’s bestselling anthology Machine of Death, leads a discussion group about this outcast art form.

Sunday, 2:30 PM : Reading. David Malki ! reads from the parody Victorian novel series Dispatches from Wondermark Manor.

I believe memberships are still available at the door if you’re in the Boston area and would like to attend! I’m looking forward to it!!

Another article about writing

My co-editor Matt wrote a great article for the Machine of Death blog about how to finish a short story; how to muscle up and drag it past the finish line — great advice if you’re trying to complete a piece to submit to Machine of Death 2, in this final week, or just for writing under the gun in general.

…This post is specifically for those of you who have about half of a story and about one week to finish it. It’s for those of you who are feeling increasingly panicked as the deadline ticks ever closer. It’s for those of you who are saying to yourselves, I’m almost out of time! What the heck should I do now???

First thing first: DON’T GIVE UP THE SHIP. We want to read your story. In order for that to happen, we need to have it by midnight on July 15. And we have faith in you. We know you can do this. But here are some thoughts that might help point you in the right direction. (Read more)

I’ve also started a couple of fun little contests on the Machine of Death Facebook group: try and guess when (down to the minute!) we’ll break Volume 1’s record for total submissions received, AND ALSO try and guess what the title of the record-breaking submission will be. Post your guesses here! Winners will be given prizes from the all-new MOD store on TopatoCo.

(P.S. Caption Contest #3 submissions are now closed — winners will be announced soon!)

OR, FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

This guy has a webcomic that consists entirely of his friend Hays being killed in cartoony ways. I contributed two sketches of same at a recent convention, which have been colored and posted on the site! Here and here. But my favorite episode of the comic is definitely this one.

See you in San Francisco this weekend! I’ll also be at Readercon in Massachusetts next weekend, and then San Diego after that!

Machine of Death deadline approaches

The deadline for submitting a story to Machine of Death Volume 2 is in less than two weeks!

If you’ve already submitted something (we’ve received over 500 stories so far), thank you! We’re absolutely thrilled that you’re a part of it! If you’re still working on yours, that’s fine, but be sure to send in your submission(s) by July 15.

And if you haven’t even started yet — are you plumb out of time? I don’t think you are, necessarily. I just wrote a piece on the MoD blog about how you can spin simple stories out of absolutely any piece of inspiration:

Improvisers are taught that whatever the scene starts being about, is what it’s about. If one person says “I’m hungry,” then the second person could say “Well, of course! You haven’t eaten for days!” And the scene would be about that person being hungry. Why are they hungry? What has prevented them from eating? A diet? A stomach trauma? Torture? Do they have a tapeworm?

The point is that there are infinite reasons why that person could be hungry. There’s no reason to place bricks anywhere else, because that simple declaration, “I’m hungry,” is enough. The entire scene can be built on top of it. The character’s hunger can be explored to reveal deeper issues — problems with relationships, or self-esteem, or conflicts with other characters in the scene. Thematic elements can arise. The scene has the potential to become emotionally resonant.

All this can come from just “I’m hungry” — if you will just dig into it, and keep digging. There is never any limit to how deep you can go on even the smallest detail. (Read the rest)

Also, I’m in San Francisco this weekend! We’ll be doing the Machine of Death theater show on Saturday, and I’ll be at the Renegade Craft Fair both Saturday and Sunday. Details on both events are here.

I’ve taken to driving to San Francisco, instead of flying. It’s an easier way to transport all my goods, although it does take a while and tucker a person out. To show you a little of what the trip is like, here’s a mini-documentary I made about the drive to and from Maker Faire, back in May! Each piece is about fifteen minutes long.

Malki Goes To Maker Faire ! PART 1 on Vimeo.

Malki Goes to Maker Faire ! PART 2 of 2 Vimeo.