Seduction of stepson.
A woman falls to her death.
A killer has a foot fetish.
Young murder suspects.
A homeless man is a suspect.
Victim steps off a subway platform.
Subway commuter is mutilated.
A toy collector is accidentally shot.
A video-game player goes missing.
Olympic site selection committee.
Little black book.
An autopsy reveals foul play.
Fontana and Falco in the colorful world of horse racing.

These are all DirecTV synopses of individual episodes of Law & Order. Brandon Bird (creator of the above work and surely the most L&O-obsessed artist since Botticelli) has put together an art show where each contributor takes a synopsis, and creates a piece of art based around it.

Brandon sent me a list of about two hundred of these things and I about went insane.

Then I washed my face, stared hard into the mirror, and made a piece for the show.

The exhibition will be at Gallery Meltdown in L.A. beginning this Saturday, the 24th, and running through the 30th. I and many of the other artists will be at a reception on Wednesday the 28th!

From Brandon’s description of the show:

For twenty years, the heroes of “Law & Order” have navigated literally hundreds grotesque tragedies, moral quandries, and improbable crimes.

Each piece is an artist’s interpretation of a one-line episode summary from the DirecTV program guide. Like the series that inspired them, they are sometimes straightforward and sometimes offer a twist; sometimes they contain no easy answers, and sometimes they are just plain goofy.

“These are Their Stories” will run July 24 to July 30, 2010 at Gallery Meltdown, 7522 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90046.

Guys I have never even seen an episode of Law & Order but now I am in A GALLERY SHOW ABOUT IT

ITEM ONE

Meredith Gran’s massive nationwide book tour is touching a tentacle to the slimy form of Los Angeles this week, and I’m pleased to join her this Thursday, the 15th, at the crazy-cool Secret Headquarters in Silverlake! I’ll have books and high-fives and basically anything you might want out of life, ever. Come say hello from 7-9 PM and here is a Facebook thing with maps and everything.

ITEM TWO

You know what I did last night? I looked at my many, overflowing bookshelves and said “It’s time to reintroduce some of these items into the ecosystem so other people can enjoy them too.” I own too many books — and while they’re all great, I always seem to be getting more of them and it’s creating space problems in my life. So this weekend, I am opening up my studio and having a book rummage sale with art books, novels, tons of comics and magazines, and again, free high-fives and loads of joy all around! Come check out my studio — I’ll be here Saturday and Sunday from 9AM-4PM and I promise you will find some pretty great books here. And you will spend like a dollar for them. I am doing this friends-of-the-library-style where a massive novel will cost you about as much as a cucumber. The address is: 1506 Abbot Kinney Blvd, Venice CA 90291. COME ON DOWN

ITEM THREE

NEXT WEEK is the SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON. I am going to be at booth 1231! That is super-easy to remember because it’s just 1-2-3 and then 1 again. You cannot forget a booth number so simple, which is great because everything at the Con conspires to capture your attention. This booth number, however, will be rooted so deep in your brain that even your lizard ancestors could find it, even while being distracted by a Jabba the Hutt made of LEGOs. I’ll be with TopatoCo and the sign will likely be very red. Again, a good color for attracting even lizards. SEE YOU THERE???

BONUS ITEM FOUR!!

As a present for reading this whole thing even if you are nowhere near California, I will give you a little taste of what it is like to be in California. I found the following thumbtacked to a tree.

(UPDATE: This image was accidentally deleted, and I no longer have the original to re-scan. It was an index card with a to-do list written on it. The list included “laundry”, “buy sports bras”, “cuddles”, and “buy Pliskin’s light.”)

At first I thought it might have been viral marketing for a beer called “Pliskin’s Light”, but I can’t find any evidence that such a thing exists. I only hope that whoever thumbtacked this to a tree didn’t come back, find the note missing, and go on to totally forget to empty the trash. I would feel bad.

WHAT’S GOING ON HERE? Why in the world was this thumbtacked to a tree? Suggestions in the comments!