Comic Transcripts

[[BARNES comes across FOSTER, who is trapped beneath his fallen horse, SPARKY.]]
BARNES: Criminy, Foster! Took a bit of a tumble there, eh?
FOSTER: It’s FATAL, Barnes. Fell on a jagged branch. Tasting BARK in my throat even now.
I’m DONE FOR, old chum.

FOSTER: But SPARKY’S still got a life to live. Take her AWAY from this blasted place, will you? Find her some PASTURE to roam…
Will you do it, Barnes? Will you ADOPT her for me? And FEED her, and BRUSH her, and TEND to her costly, myriad and unusual medical needs?

FOSTER: Will you HAND-MASH her special imported oatmeal?
RUB HER DOWN each evening with a mitt hand-knit from the hairs of her own mane?
TiVo ICE ROAD TRUCKERS for her?

FOSTER: Will you DRY HER TEARS when lightning, tornadoes and sun frighten her?
Will you build the GIANT, climate-controlled BARN she’s alway wanted for all the STUFFED ANIMALS she hopes to collect on all the TRAVELS you take together?

FOSTER: Will you KNEAD HER GUMS thrice daily?
Will you hire only the BEST equestrian-pilates trainers? And will you do the exercises WITH her so she doesn’t get self-conscious? DESPITE the fact that they are designed for a HORSE’S body, not a MAN’S?

FOSTER: Will you undergo catechism in her ancient religion?
Will you teach your children the spoken language of the mighty horse, so she is not the last conversationalist of her STRANGE and LILTING dialect?

FOSTER: Baarrnnnes—*

[[Later, BARNES is spreading sauce over a horse-sized chunk of meat, roasting on a spit.]]

{{Header: take on WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: I can’t believe I have to cook Sparky this massive dinner every night.}}

#536; In which Sparky changes Ownership transcribed by in

[[BARNES comes across FOSTER, who is trapped beneath his fallen horse, SPARKY.]]
BARNES: Criminy, Foster! Took a bit of a tumble there, eh?
FOSTER: It’s FATAL, Barnes. Fell on a jagged branch. Tasting BARK in my throat even now.
I’m DONE FOR, old chum.

FOSTER: But SPARKY’S still got a life to live. Take her AWAY from this blasted place, will you? Find her some PASTURE to roam…
Will you do it, Barnes? Will you ADOPT her for me? And FEED her, and BRUSH her, and TEND to her costly, myriad and unusual medical needs?

FOSTER: Will you HAND-MASH her special imported oatmeal?
RUB HER DOWN each evening with a mitt hand-knit from the hairs of her own mane?
TiVo ICE ROAD TRUCKERS for her?

FOSTER: Will you DRY HER TEARS when lightning, tornadoes and sun frighten her?
Will you build the GIANT, climate-controlled BARN she’s alway wanted for all the STUFFED ANIMALS she hopes to collect on all the TRAVELS you take together?

FOSTER: Will you KNEAD HER GUMS thrice daily?
Will you hire only the BEST equestrian-pilates trainers? And will you do the exercises WITH her so she doesn’t get self-conscious? DESPITE the fact that they are designed for a HORSE’S body, not a MAN’S?

FOSTER: Will you undergo catechism in her ancient religion?
Will you teach your children the spoken language of the mighty horse, so she is not the last conversationalist of her STRANGE and LILTING dialect?

FOSTER: Baarrnnnes—*

[[Later, BARNES is spreading sauce over a horse-sized chunk of meat, roasting on a spit.]]

{{Header: take on WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: I can’t believe I have to cook Sparky this massive dinner every night.}}

#536; In which Sparky changes Ownership transcribed by in

[[BARNES comes across FOSTER, who is trapped beneath his fallen horse, SPARKY.]]
BARNES: Criminy, Foster! Took a bit of a tumble there, eh?
FOSTER: It's FATAL, Barnes. Fell on a jagged branch. Tasting BARK in my throat even now.
I'm DONE FOR, old chum.

FOSTER: But SPARKY'S still got a life to live. Take her AWAY from this blasted place, will you? Find her some PASTURE to roam...
Will you do it, Barnes? Will you ADOPT her for me? And FEED her, and BRUSH her, and TEND to her costly, myriad and unusual medical needs?

FOSTER: Will you HAND-MASH her special imported oatmeal?
RUB HER DOWN each evening with a mitt hand-knit from the hairs of her own mane?
TiVo ICE ROAD TRUCKERS for her?

FOSTER: Will you DRY HER TEARS when lightning, tornadoes and sun frighten her?
Will you build the GIANT, climate-controlled BARN she's alway wanted for all the STUFFED ANIMALS she hopes to collect on all the TRAVELS you take together?

FOSTER: Will you KNEAD HER GUMS thrice daily?
Will you hire only the BEST equestrian-pilates trainers? And will you do the exercises WITH her so she doesn't get self-conscious? DESPITE the fact that they are designed for a HORSE'S body, not a MAN'S?

FOSTER: Will you undergo catechism in her ancient religion?
Will you teach your children the spoken language of the mighty horse, so she is not the last conversationalist of her STRANGE and LILTING dialect?

FOSTER: Baarrnnnes---*

[[Later, BARNES is spreading sauce over a horse-sized chunk of meat, roasting on a spit.]]

{{Header: take on WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: I can't believe I have to cook Sparky this massive dinner every night.}}

I can't believe I have to cook Sparky this massive dinner every night.

#536; In which Sparky changes Ownership

  — July 21st, 2009

[ Tags: , , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/536/

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My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

September 2, 2026 by David Malki !

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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