Comic Transcripts

[[A woman, GERTRUDO, sits at the dinner table table with a young girl, TIFFANORIA, who is seated in a chair]]

GERTRUDO: Can you finish your veggies? Veggies help us grow up big and strong!
TIFFANORIA: GROW UP? Why would I want to do THAT? I’m good now!

GERTRUDO: I’ve got everything I need! I have YOUTUBE and my ROOM and all my STUFF… I get BOSSED AROUND a little, but that’s not a bad tradeoff

GERTRUDO: You can do all kinds of things when you grow up! You can drive!
TIFFANORIA: I don’t want to GO anywhere!
GERTRUDO: You can get a job and earn money!
TIFFANORIA: A JOB? That thing you HATE?
GERTRUDO: You can BECOME ANYTHING you want to be!
TIFFANORIA: I want to be ME, right NOW, right HERE!

TIFFANORIA: If you’re contemplating DEPRIVING me of something to PUNISH me, I would consider that CRUEL.
GERTRUDO: I’m trying to figure out how to INSPIRE you to CARE about bettering yourself.
TIFFANORIA: I CAN’T “better” myself! I’m already GREAT!

{{header: start small at WONDERMARK.COM}}

#1583; Groan Up transcribed by in

[[A woman, GERTRUDO, sits at the dinner table table with a young girl, TIFFANORIA, who is seated in a chair]]

GERTRUDO: Can you finish your veggies? Veggies help us grow up big and strong!
TIFFANORIA: GROW UP? Why would I want to do THAT? I'm good now!

GERTRUDO: I've got everything I need! I have YOUTUBE and my ROOM and all my STUFF... I get BOSSED AROUND a little, but that's not a bad tradeoff

GERTRUDO: You can do all kinds of things when you grow up! You can drive!
TIFFANORIA: I don't want to GO anywhere!
GERTRUDO: You can get a job and earn money!
TIFFANORIA: A JOB? That thing you HATE?
GERTRUDO: You can BECOME ANYTHING you want to be!
TIFFANORIA: I want to be ME, right NOW, right HERE!

TIFFANORIA: If you're contemplating DEPRIVING me of something to PUNISH me, I would consider that CRUEL.
GERTRUDO: I'm trying to figure out how to INSPIRE you to CARE about bettering yourself.
TIFFANORIA: I CAN'T "better" myself! I'm already GREAT!

{{header: start small at WONDERMARK.COM}}

I mean, sure, veggies 'help' us grow up, but the direct causality implied here would be trivial to refute. A determined objector will easily find flaws in the reasoning.

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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