Comic Transcripts

A baker enters with an elaborate cake that includes elements of a clock, chess pieces, and a globe balanced on a pillar. A woman with a fan and a bald man are already in the room.

BAKER: Who’s ready for cake?
WOMAN: Oh, wow! LOOK at that MASTERPIECE!

BAKER: And everything is edible! Well, ALMOST. The globe is styrofoam inside. Just to keep the weight down on its pillar. I did label all the oceans, but I don’t know if SHARPIE is food-grade. So, maybe don’t LICK the words.

The man and woman exchange a sidelong glance as the baker continues describing the cake:

BAKER: And WATCH OUT in the middle. I had to use TWO-INCH INDUSTRIAL STAPLES on the fondant. They’re solid steel and VERY sharp. But hey, rustproof!

BAKER: ALSO, the bottom layers are held together with a thick WOODEN SPIKE driven through their cores. FOREVER UNITED IN DEATH! Ha ha!

BAKER: All the FROSTING is made from POISONOUS MUSHROOMS. Well, MOST of the frosting. SOME of it is a fast-curing epoxy used
by the navy for sealing leaks aboard nuclear submarines

MAN: I don’t think I’m ready for cake

#1561; Confessions of a Confection transcribed by in

A baker enters with an elaborate cake that includes elements of a clock, chess pieces, and a globe balanced on a pillar. A woman with a fan and a bald man are already in the room.

BAKER: Who's ready for cake?
WOMAN: Oh, wow! LOOK at that MASTERPIECE!

BAKER: And everything is edible! Well, ALMOST. The globe is styrofoam inside. Just to keep the weight down on its pillar. I did label all the oceans, but I don't know if SHARPIE is food-grade. So, maybe don't LICK the words.

The man and woman exchange a sidelong glance as the baker continues describing the cake:

BAKER: And WATCH OUT in the middle. I had to use TWO-INCH INDUSTRIAL STAPLES on the fondant. They're solid steel and VERY sharp. But hey, rustproof!

BAKER: ALSO, the bottom layers are held together with a thick WOODEN SPIKE driven through their cores. FOREVER UNITED IN DEATH! Ha ha!

BAKER: All the FROSTING is made from POISONOUS MUSHROOMS. Well, MOST of the frosting. SOME of it is a fast-curing epoxy used
by the navy for sealing leaks aboard nuclear submarines

MAN: I don't think I'm ready for cake

Everything is edible. Wait, what does edible mean? Is that the one that means it will never degrade, because no living thing can digest it, and no natural force can affect it? It’s that one

#1561; Confessions of a Confection

  — March 23rd, 2025

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Applications open for Genius Northwest – an IRL gaming competition

May 8, 2026 by David Malki !

Last year, I participated in Genius Northwest, a gaming competition inspired by the Korean gameshow The Genius and its ilk.

It’s a reality show without the cameras — a 3-day, all-inclusive weekend retreat structured around a series of challenges and puzzles, in which personalities and dealmaking matter as much as playing games.

It’s truly a remarkable thing. I came in dead last in the competition, but I still had a great time participating.

The event is held annually in the Pacific Northwest (hence the name) and applications are now open to participate in the 2026 competition!

Learn more — and apply — at GeniusNW.com.


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