Comic Transcripts

Two people, ARON and BEREN, are talking about Star Wars.

ARON: Way I figure it, the ORIGINAL trilogy “really happened.” Maybe sensationalized by the media somewhat, but basically an account of actual events.

A: The PREQUEL trilogy is an entertainment product FROM that universe, bearing as much relation to the actual rise and fall of Vader and the Empire as does DISNEY’S POCAHONTAS to the events IT attempts to portray.

A: A WAGNERIAN MELODRAMA airing constantly on daytime cable on the Outer Rim worlds.

B: This explains the soap-opera lighting.

B: And what about the new movie? Where does EPISODE SEVEN fit into this cosmology?

A: Episode Seven is Braveheart. Titanic. Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor.

A: Episode Seven is a piece of in-universe media made by people who were born AFTER the fall of the Empire. It was intended to be a historical movie ABOUT the Rebellion, but SO MANY dramatic liberties were taken that they can’t QUITE label it a TRUE STORY.

B: Ah! The famous “Inspired by actual events.”

A: Right! Like, name a story that WASN’T, dude

#1187; It was A Long Time Ago transcribed by in

Two people, ARON and BEREN, are talking about Star Wars.

ARON: Way I figure it, the ORIGINAL trilogy "really happened." Maybe sensationalized by the media somewhat, but basically an account of actual events.

A: The PREQUEL trilogy is an entertainment product FROM that universe, bearing as much relation to the actual rise and fall of Vader and the Empire as does DISNEY'S POCAHONTAS to the events IT attempts to portray.

A: A WAGNERIAN MELODRAMA airing constantly on daytime cable on the Outer Rim worlds.

B: This explains the soap-opera lighting.

B: And what about the new movie? Where does EPISODE SEVEN fit into this cosmology?

A: Episode Seven is Braveheart. Titanic. Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor.

A: Episode Seven is a piece of in-universe media made by people who were born AFTER the fall of the Empire. It was intended to be a historical movie ABOUT the Rebellion, but SO MANY dramatic liberties were taken that they can't QUITE label it a TRUE STORY.

B: Ah! The famous "Inspired by actual events."

A: Right! Like, name a story that WASN'T, dude

Han and Chewie played themselves in THE FORCE AWAKENS like Jerry Lawler played himself in MAN ON THE MOON

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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