#1029; The Children I Haven’t Had

Comic Transcripts

[[A well-dressed man in a suit and a scruffier-looking man in a bowler hat make conversation.]]
Suit: So, you and Molly have any kids yet?
Bowler: With MOLLY? No. I don’t have any kids with MOLLY.
Bowler: And if I have EVER had any kids at ALL, with Molly OR any hypothetical OTHER person, Molly definitely doesn’t KNOW about them.

Bowler: No kids that I LOVE and would want to BEAR MY FAMILY NAME, anyway.
Bowler: DEFINITELY no kids that I want to talk to YOU about.

[[Molly intervenes.]]
Bowler: I don’t know if you know what this is like, but… I have never had a child that I was PROUD of.
Bowler: And I have never seen a child of mine survive being dropped into the old well behind Patterson’s decrepit barn.
Bowler: Probably because, you see, I have NEVER had a child that was BORN HUMAN
Molly: Come here

Bowler: Everything I said was a factual statement!
Molly: Listen to me
Molly: My family is starting to suspect that you are WEIRD

{{header: make a little WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Technically, I’ve never been to a funeral for your grandmother that I HAVEN’T ruined!}}

#1029; The Children I Haven’t Had transcribed by in

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!