March Message Merriment

Wondermark fans are a special breed of person — they are rarely found in isolation. When I travel to conventions, I love meeting couples who email comics back and forth to one another, or who share the comics with their families and friends. That is what the Internet is all about! Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet is not a thing unto itself, it is a medium for facilitating communication and connection between live human beings. It is a very long, very tangled string suspended in the air between a tin can that I’m speaking into, and one down the block or across the country or on the other side of the world that you’re lifting to your ear. Hellloooo over there!

So here is a cool thing that you can do this month. If there is someone in your life to whom Wondermark means something, I want to make their day special. There are three ways of doing this:

a charming missive!

Would your friend, relative or spouse get a kick out of a personalized greeting card from me? I can hand-write any message you like into any of my greeting cards, hand-address the envelope, and send it directly to a person you specify.

The cards can even be scheduled in advance to mail out at any point in 2009 — perfect for an anniversary or something coming up in a few months. One more thing off your list! One less thing for you to remember! How considerate you are! (I won’t tell your secret.)

a single tear!

Or, order a personalized card with a unique sketch inside! If you’ve seen me live-stream my sketching sessions then you know how wacky my drawings can sometimes get. A Unique Sketch Card is a great way to give your friend or loved one the gift of original art in the guise of a thoughtful gesture.

Allo!

Finally, the third option! If you have a friend or loved one whose mind would be blown by getting a happy-birthday call from me, or a happy-anniversary call, or (especially!) a congrats-on-the-new-beard call — now such a thing is possible. During the month of March, I will call your friend for free, anywhere in the world. All you have to do is fill out this handy form to schedule the call. It may sound something along the lines of this:

[audio:marchpromo.mp3]

A minor caveat to this final offer. I do not want to confuse people, or freak them out because I am a stranger who somehow knows their birthday. So please use a bit of discretion, and choose a person whom, when I say “This is David Malki ! from Wondermark,” they will know who the heck it is. This will make the ensuing conversation go much more smoothly.

This job is made wonderful by meeting and interacting with the many thousands of you who spend a few minutes twice a week coming to see what I have to say. Hopefully I can repay that joy just a little bit this month!

Artist Edition drawings!

A few more examples of Artist Edition drawings, which can be created on command for you, your loved ones, or any strangers you happen to feel like buying books for…

Finally, kind Marksman Doug M. sent this picture of himself and his (drawn in total ignorance) amazing-likeness sketch. If only I’d managed to peg that TERRIFYING MURDEROUS GLEAM I’d call it quite uncanny:

Get your own Artist Edition books today! (Doug-level likeness not guaranteed)

“I Saw You…” collection of Missed Connections comics

i totally did

Missed Connections ads are super-creepy. A Missed Connection ad is basically a plea for a do-over, a sad admission that “I was too timid to say anything when I first saw you because my perfectly-rational creepiness filter was in place, but this is the Internet now so whoops! There it goes.” Or sometimes they’re cries to a universe that’s unfairly maligned them, as in “The train doors closed the instant before we locked eyes on either side. From the platform, I watched you get pulled away from me. I dug your glasses and think we could have attractive babies.”

If posting an ad helps one get the stranger-obsession out of one’s system, fine. But one should never forget that anyone who would possibly respond to this sort of ad is going to be weird.

Now then. Julia Wertz, the creator of Fart Party, has edited an anthology of Missed Connection comics by nearly 100 cartoonists. A ton of fabulous people have contributed their interpretation of individual Missed Connection ads — for example, Laura Park:

Oh, and also me! I’ve got a page in this thing as well, with a hand-drawn comic that’s pretty, uh, different from standard Wondermark fare. I guess it should go without saying that some of the entries in this book are pretty bizarre/NSFW. But dang if they aren’t fascinating.

For more information, visit the official site (with links to reviews, an NPR interview with Julia, etc.), or you can pick up a copy on Amazon.

What does Google think of the U.S. states?

“can”:

Alabama can teach us ethics
Alaska can be hazardous because of dangerous game
Arizona can lead the nation in K-12 academic performance
Arkansas can elect to conduct drug testing but it is not required by OSHA
California can solve its problem by adding a $2 tax to gasoline bought in CA

“can’t”:

Colorado can’t wait for [the] federal government to stop illegal immigrants
Connecticut can’t afford the same to happen to its probate courts
Delaware can’t control whether there’s a crisis or a scandal
Florida can’t cut corners in death cases
Georgia can’t get over hump against Hokies

“is”:

Hawaii is not legally a state
Idaho is the only state that was possibly named as the result of a hoax
Illinois is not even close to the nation’s most-corrupt state
Indiana is the project name for an open source community effort
Iowa is proud of Tom Vilsack

“isn’t”:

Kansas isn’t so bad
Kentucky isn’t burning anymore
Louisiana isn’t the only state taking a swing at sovereignty issues right now
Maine isn’t known for traditional BBQ
Maryland isn’t shutting the door on its death row–yet!

“fears”:

Massachusetts fears foreign paupers
Michigan fears the sweater vest
Minnesota fears a “just glad to be here” complacency this week
Mississippi fears being forgotten
Missouri fears repeat of ’93 floods

“welcomes”:

Montana welcomes decision to remove gray wolf from threatened list
Nebraska welcomes human and avian out-of-towners
Nevada welcomes large and small businesses with no state income or inventory taxes
New Hampshire welcomes its first green full-service gas station
New Jersey welcomes new boat show

“may”:

New Mexico may legislate comeback for ninth planet Pluto
New York may be among the least lonely places on earth
North Carolina may ban hallucinogenic herb Salvia
North Dakota may legalize hemp cultivation
Ohio may change seat-belt law to reap federal highway funds

“loves”:

Oklahoma loves George Washington
Oregon loves its ladies’ rock
Pennsylvania loves to lock up its citizens
Rhode Island loves its coffee milk
South Carolina loves violence, especially when it’s called war

“hates”:

South Dakota hates university presidents
Tennessee hates illegal drugs
Texas hates voters
Utah hates video games
Vermont hates fast-food as much as it likes hunting

“will never”:

Virginia will never have all public safety in the same frequency band
Washington state will never pass on an oportunity to collect money from its citizens
West Virginia will never be able to afford the death penalty
Wisconsin will never catch the likes of Illinois and Iowa when it comes to production of corn-based ethanol
Wyoming will never be able to manage wolves.