Comic Transcripts

A farmer stands in front of a worker who is tending to a fruit tree. The farmer speaks to us, the viewer.

FARMER:
Halloween has gotten too corporate! Big Candy pushes its sugar-laden garbage as the only sensible choice compared to razor-bladed apples!

Another example of big business using its marketing muscle to destroy the small entrepreneur!

Well, guess what, Nestle? We only use genuine U.S. steel in our razor blades!

Each blade is lovingly tied to an emerging springtime blossom so that the apple grows around the blade seamlessly! Some things are still done by hand!

[He takes a bite of the apple, which CRUNCHES.] Ow! Aah!!

[Blood is now running down his chin.] Delicious!

#767; The Old Farmer’s Lament transcribed by in

A farmer stands in front of a worker who is tending to a fruit tree. The farmer speaks to us, the viewer.

FARMER:
Halloween has gotten too corporate! Big Candy pushes its sugar-laden garbage as the only sensible choice compared to razor-bladed apples!

Another example of big business using its marketing muscle to destroy the small entrepreneur!

Well, guess what, Nestle? We only use genuine U.S. steel in our razor blades!

Each blade is lovingly tied to an emerging springtime blossom so that the apple grows around the blade seamlessly! Some things are still done by hand!

[He takes a bite of the apple, which CRUNCHES.] Ow! Aah!!

[Blood is now running down his chin.] Delicious!

#767; The Old Farmer’s Lament transcribed by in

A farmer stands in front of a worker who is tending to a fruit tree. The farmer speaks to us, the viewer.

FARMER:
Halloween has gotten too corporate! Big Candy pushes its sugar-laden garbage as the only sensible choice compared to razor-bladed apples!

Another example of big business using its marketing muscle to destroy the small entrepreneur!

Well, guess what, Nestle? We only use genuine U.S. steel in our razor blades!

Each blade is lovingly tied to an emerging springtime blossom so that the apple grows around the blade seamlessly! Some things are still done by hand!

[He takes a bite of the apple, which CRUNCHES.] Ow! Aah!!

[Blood is now running down his chin.] Delicious!

And my colleagues who put used needles into bananas and depleted uranium into grapes aren't doing any better!!

Bolted! Fulfillment Update

Photo courtesy of backer Nicola!

The vast majority of Bolted! game shipments are already shipped, but I understand if you don’t have yours yet, who cares. Here’s a progress report:

Total orders | 1052
Surveys completed | 992
Fully shipped | 946

Incomplete surveys

Obviously, if I don’t have your shipping address, I can’t ship your game! Let me know if you are missing a survey link. As new responses come in, they are rapidly added to the shipping queue.

Orders containing certain add-ons

Some of the add-ons proved more popular than expected — which is lovely! But it meant I had to reprint some stickers, make all the individual comic prints, request a shipment of books from offsite storage, etc, etc. So, any orders which contain an out-of-stock item are still waiting to ship.

All that missing stuff, though, is en route to me at this very second! So those orders will be going out pretty dang soon!

Custom items

I’ve already been in touch directly with the backers who ordered custom collages! Those will be created (and sent to you) after all the other shipments are complete. I’m excited for those, they’ll be fun! My pleasant dessert after the hearty meal of all the other orders.

Anything wrong?

I’m very grateful to the few folks who’ve contacted me to report some kind of issue with their shipment! Thankfully, problems are rare, but when they do occur, I would like to solve them. Please don’t hesitate to send me an email (replying to your shipping confirmation works great) if there’s anything about your order I can correct.

Reviews & photos

On BoardGameGeek are highly appreciated!

Unless you hate the game! You are entitled to that opinion, but please send that review directly to me instead of telling anyone else, so I can eat it and bury it in the yard and watch it grow into a twisted, gnarled tree. Or whatever!


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