Comic Transcripts

[[A large page contains several advertisements. A banner at the top proclaims: “YOU NEED ALL OF IT” “PLEASE BE SO KIND AS TO AGREE”]]

[[A chair is displayed, captioned “Reading Position.” The Wilson Patent Adjustable Chair: With ninety-six possible positions, you will never find the perfect one for you, and if you do, you will not be able to find it again. Send for circular. Wilson’s, 34 Park St.]]

[[Some bizarre device is displayed. BUSINESS, PLEASURE; MEN, BOYS. All Must Earn Their Own Way. Children should learn quickly that the real world is made of labor. PUT THEM TO WORK AT ONCE. No Coddling. BEWARE OF INFANT FREELOADERS.]]

[[A HOME AND FARM OF YOUR OWN. Wouldn’t That Be Nice, Don’t You Think? NOW IS THE TIME TO SECURE IT. Before It Runs Away With The Spring. Babas Yaga for sale. Houses with feet. You never seen anything like it. Blow your mind. Take the dream highway until you feel cold. Can’t miss it.]]

[[A house is shown. BUILDERS, Where is the bathroom in this house? I have been all over and cannot find it for the life of me. Please write soon. A. J. Bicknell, 27 Warren Street, New-York.]]

[[A kind of poncho is shown. GOSSAMER WATERPROOF GARMENTS. Get the Genuine! Beware of Worthless Imitations! Rival garments are made of acid-treated poison cloth. Ours are safe and nurturing to your babylike skin. Don’t you deserve not to have your skin corroded off by the competition? Masochists need not respond. We don’t want your business. This is a nice place. GOSSAMER CLOTHING CO, 28 Devonshire St., Boston, MA.]]

[[DO YOU SLEEP on the most comfortable mattress in the world? Of course you do not. The most comfortable mattress in the world is owned by an Italian stockbroker. But we saw it in a magazine and modeled ours after what it is probably like. Still most likely a step up for you. MATTRESSES & MEAT]]

[[A squareish design is shown, divided into parts, that say “Carpet,” “Wood,” “C8, NY,” and “621 B’Way.” PARQUET AND INLAID FLOORS, Borders for Rugs, Baseboards, decks, crown molding, doors, anything wood feeds our weird fetish.]]

[[A picture is shown that says “DR. JOHNSON’S $30 HEALTH-LIFT.” If you suffer from PALSY, we will treat you. If you are afflicted with POX, we will address you. Even if you are right now dying of TUBERCULOSIS, call us. Will you be healed? Almost certainly not. But we will talk with you so you’re not lonely. (As we are.)]]

[[A woman is shown wearing a corset. Dr. Warner’s Health Corset, with Skirt Supporter and Self-Adjusting Pads, is On Sale Now. Only one available – this is Dr. Warner’s actual personal item. It took a while but I finally gained her trust. Her loss is your bargain! Smells like doctor. 351 Broadway, N.Y.]]

[[FINE FURNITURE, Upholstery and Decoration. We will describe nice things to you, so you can pretend to own them with a sense of authority. 621 Broadway, New-York.]]

[[THE WONDERFUL PEN-HOLDER! No ink required. No pen, either, really – you can put anything you want in here. It just sits on your desk. Maybe a miniature American flag? That’d fit nicely. Or, put a pen on in. That’s fine. J. T. Hillyer, 306 Broadway, N.Y. Henry Ward writes: “It is all it claims to be. A Pen-Holder, it is; Wonderful, I suppose as well. I mean, it’s not like standards are terribly high for a pen-holder. The pen does not fall out regularly.”]]

[[VANITY FAIR. For Meerschaum and Cigarettes. Does not bite the tongue. Listen, let’s not beat around the bush. You want some primo cigarettes, right? BUT WHY – What’s the big deal? Is it just flavor? That’s very subjective. NO. You want to look COOL. So shut up and grab one of our cigarettes. It’s made of BOMBER-JACKET LEATHER. There is NOTHING COOLER IN THE WORLD. THE BEST. BOMBER CIGS – SO GOOD – SO BAD]]

{{Alt-text: All these things are no less necessary for being wholly imaginary. Ain’t that always the way?}}

The Tinkerer’s Handbook, Page 7 (of 8) transcribed by in

[[A large page contains several advertisements. A banner at the top proclaims: “YOU NEED ALL OF IT” “PLEASE BE SO KIND AS TO AGREE”]]

[[A chair is displayed, captioned “Reading Position.” The Wilson Patent Adjustable Chair: With ninety-six possible positions, you will never find the perfect one for you, and if you do, you will not be able to find it again. Send for circular. Wilson’s, 34 Park St.]]

[[Some bizarre device is displayed. BUSINESS, PLEASURE; MEN, BOYS. All Must Earn Their Own Way. Children should learn quickly that the real world is made of labor. PUT THEM TO WORK AT ONCE. No Coddling. BEWARE OF INFANT FREELOADERS.]]

[[A HOME AND FARM OF YOUR OWN. Wouldn’t That Be Nice, Don’t You Think? NOW IS THE TIME TO SECURE IT. Before It Runs Away With The Spring. Babas Yaga for sale. Houses with feet. You never seen anything like it. Blow your mind. Take the dream highway until you feel cold. Can’t miss it.]]

[[A house is shown. BUILDERS, Where is the bathroom in this house? I have been all over and cannot find it for the life of me. Please write soon. A. J. Bicknell, 27 Warren Street, New-York.]]

[[A kind of poncho is shown. GOSSAMER WATERPROOF GARMENTS. Get the Genuine! Beware of Worthless Imitations! Rival garments are made of acid-treated poison cloth. Ours are safe and nurturing to your babylike skin. Don’t you deserve not to have your skin corroded off by the competition? Masochists need not respond. We don’t want your business. This is a nice place. GOSSAMER CLOTHING CO, 28 Devonshire St., Boston, MA.]]

[[DO YOU SLEEP on the most comfortable mattress in the world? Of course you do not. The most comfortable mattress in the world is owned by an Italian stockbroker. But we saw it in a magazine and modeled ours after what it is probably like. Still most likely a step up for you. MATTRESSES & MEAT]]

[[A squareish design is shown, divided into parts, that say “Carpet,” “Wood,” “C8, NY,” and “621 B’Way.” PARQUET AND INLAID FLOORS, Borders for Rugs, Baseboards, decks, crown molding, doors, anything wood feeds our weird fetish.]]

[[A picture is shown that says “DR. JOHNSON’S $30 HEALTH-LIFT.” If you suffer from PALSY, we will treat you. If you are afflicted with POX, we will address you. Even if you are right now dying of TUBERCULOSIS, call us. Will you be healed? Almost certainly not. But we will talk with you so you’re not lonely. (As we are.)]]

[[A woman is shown wearing a corset. Dr. Warner’s Health Corset, with Skirt Supporter and Self-Adjusting Pads, is On Sale Now. Only one available – this is Dr. Warner’s actual personal item. It took a while but I finally gained her trust. Her loss is your bargain! Smells like doctor. 351 Broadway, N.Y.]]

[[FINE FURNITURE, Upholstery and Decoration. We will describe nice things to you, so you can pretend to own them with a sense of authority. 621 Broadway, New-York.]]

[[THE WONDERFUL PEN-HOLDER! No ink required. No pen, either, really – you can put anything you want in here. It just sits on your desk. Maybe a miniature American flag? That’d fit nicely. Or, put a pen on in. That’s fine. J. T. Hillyer, 306 Broadway, N.Y. Henry Ward writes: “It is all it claims to be. A Pen-Holder, it is; Wonderful, I suppose as well. I mean, it’s not like standards are terribly high for a pen-holder. The pen does not fall out regularly.”]]

[[VANITY FAIR. For Meerschaum and Cigarettes. Does not bite the tongue. Listen, let’s not beat around the bush. You want some primo cigarettes, right? BUT WHY – What’s the big deal? Is it just flavor? That’s very subjective. NO. You want to look COOL. So shut up and grab one of our cigarettes. It’s made of BOMBER-JACKET LEATHER. There is NOTHING COOLER IN THE WORLD. THE BEST. BOMBER CIGS – SO GOOD – SO BAD]]

{{Alt-text: All these things are no less necessary for being wholly imaginary. Ain’t that always the way?}}

The Tinkerer’s Handbook, Page 7 (of 8) transcribed by in

[[A large page contains several advertisements. A banner at the top proclaims: "YOU NEED ALL OF IT" "PLEASE BE SO KIND AS TO AGREE"]]

[[A chair is displayed, captioned "Reading Position." The Wilson Patent Adjustable Chair: With ninety-six possible positions, you will never find the perfect one for you, and if you do, you will not be able to find it again. Send for circular. Wilson's, 34 Park St.]]

[[Some bizarre device is displayed. BUSINESS, PLEASURE; MEN, BOYS. All Must Earn Their Own Way. Children should learn quickly that the real world is made of labor. PUT THEM TO WORK AT ONCE. No Coddling. BEWARE OF INFANT FREELOADERS.]]

[[A HOME AND FARM OF YOUR OWN. Wouldn't That Be Nice, Don't You Think? NOW IS THE TIME TO SECURE IT. Before It Runs Away With The Spring. Babas Yaga for sale. Houses with feet. You never seen anything like it. Blow your mind. Take the dream highway until you feel cold. Can't miss it.]]

[[A house is shown. BUILDERS, Where is the bathroom in this house? I have been all over and cannot find it for the life of me. Please write soon. A. J. Bicknell, 27 Warren Street, New-York.]]

[[A kind of poncho is shown. GOSSAMER WATERPROOF GARMENTS. Get the Genuine! Beware of Worthless Imitations! Rival garments are made of acid-treated poison cloth. Ours are safe and nurturing to your babylike skin. Don't you deserve not to have your skin corroded off by the competition? Masochists need not respond. We don't want your business. This is a nice place. GOSSAMER CLOTHING CO, 28 Devonshire St., Boston, MA.]]

[[DO YOU SLEEP on the most comfortable mattress in the world? Of course you do not. The most comfortable mattress in the world is owned by an Italian stockbroker. But we saw it in a magazine and modeled ours after what it is probably like. Still most likely a step up for you. MATTRESSES & MEAT]]

[[A squareish design is shown, divided into parts, that say "Carpet," "Wood," "C8, NY," and "621 B'Way." PARQUET AND INLAID FLOORS, Borders for Rugs, Baseboards, decks, crown molding, doors, anything wood feeds our weird fetish.]]

[[A picture is shown that says "DR. JOHNSON'S $30 HEALTH-LIFT." If you suffer from PALSY, we will treat you. If you are afflicted with POX, we will address you. Even if you are right now dying of TUBERCULOSIS, call us. Will you be healed? Almost certainly not. But we will talk with you so you're not lonely. (As we are.)]]

[[A woman is shown wearing a corset. Dr. Warner's Health Corset, with Skirt Supporter and Self-Adjusting Pads, is On Sale Now. Only one available - this is Dr. Warner's actual personal item. It took a while but I finally gained her trust. Her loss is your bargain! Smells like doctor. 351 Broadway, N.Y.]]

[[FINE FURNITURE, Upholstery and Decoration. We will describe nice things to you, so you can pretend to own them with a sense of authority. 621 Broadway, New-York.]]

[[THE WONDERFUL PEN-HOLDER! No ink required. No pen, either, really - you can put anything you want in here. It just sits on your desk. Maybe a miniature American flag? That'd fit nicely. Or, put a pen on in. That's fine. J. T. Hillyer, 306 Broadway, N.Y. Henry Ward writes: "It is all it claims to be. A Pen-Holder, it is; Wonderful, I suppose as well. I mean, it's not like standards are terribly high for a pen-holder. The pen does not fall out regularly."]]

[[VANITY FAIR. For Meerschaum and Cigarettes. Does not bite the tongue. Listen, let's not beat around the bush. You want some primo cigarettes, right? BUT WHY - What's the big deal? Is it just flavor? That's very subjective. NO. You want to look COOL. So shut up and grab one of our cigarettes. It's made of BOMBER-JACKET LEATHER. There is NOTHING COOLER IN THE WORLD. THE BEST. BOMBER CIGS - SO GOOD - SO BAD]]

{{Alt-text: All these things are no less necessary for being wholly imaginary. Ain't that always the way?}}

All these things are no less necessary for being wholly imaginary. Ain't that always the way?

The Tinkerer’s Handbook, Page 7 (of 8)

  — May 5th, 2011

[ Tags: , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/tink7/

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My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

September 2, 2026 by David Malki !

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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