[[A banner reads: “A purposeful use of what society would discard”]]

[[The headline reads: “Non-traditional gardening tools. Rather than spending for specialized implements, use these household items:” Several numbered pictures are displayed.]]

[[A headline lower down reads “Tools Guide.” Numbered paragraphs describe the referenced pictures.]]

[[Of a sailboat: “1. Model sailboat can be used to repel aphids from plants. Aphids have a Jungian aversion to open water, and the presence of the boat implies a nearby regatta.”]]

[[Rope: “2. Ordinary parcel twine can be used to tie saplings to posts, rather than some kind of special gardening twine. It’s not like you’re going to use it for parcels. The only people who still tie parcels with twine are grandmothers, and that’s only because the mail clerks feel bad yelling at them to knock it off.”]]

[[The hollow top half of a ball: “3. Instead of discarding the half-balls left over from a game of slice-the-ball-in-the-garden, use them to cap off leaky sprinklers or plug gopher holes. The rubber balls are biodegradable, given a long enough timeline.”]]

[[A contraption with black paper sticking out: “4. X-ray viewers are great for spot-checking leaves for suspicious veining. Good gardens need a lot of work and attention.”]]

[[A strange-looking lipstick: “5. No need to get dolled up any longer, now that your obssessive (sic) gardening has killed romance? Use that lipstick to mark crop rows in the vegetable garden. The oily stain will serve as a warning to the sprouting plants never to set their sights too high.”]]

[[The lid to the lipstick: “6. The lid to the lipstick can catch tears, which, instead of wasted on him, can be put to use for irrigation!”]]

[[A bulb: “7. Now that you’re ‘going green’ and harvesting your earwax to make biodiesel, you won’t need this ear-cleaning bulb anymore. Plant it and see if it grows. It’s not a dumber idea than staying in this marriage.”]]

[[A conveyor belt: “8. He paid $200 for this five years ago and never even used it. Throw it in the garden and see if he even notices it’s gone.”]]

[[A whistle: “9. Blow this whisle in joy if he ever bothers to ask how the garden is coming. Screw baseball season.”]]

{{alt-text: A gardening tool is just any possession you don’t mind irreparably soiling, CHARLES}}

The Tinkerer’s Handbook, Page 6 (of 8) transcribed by in

[[A banner reads: “A purposeful use of what society would discard”]]

[[The headline reads: “Non-traditional gardening tools. Rather than spending for specialized implements, use these household items:” Several numbered pictures are displayed.]]

[[A headline lower down reads “Tools Guide.” Numbered paragraphs describe the referenced pictures.]]

[[Of a sailboat: “1. Model sailboat can be used to repel aphids from plants. Aphids have a Jungian aversion to open water, and the presence of the boat implies a nearby regatta.”]]

[[Rope: “2. Ordinary parcel twine can be used to tie saplings to posts, rather than some kind of special gardening twine. It’s not like you’re going to use it for parcels. The only people who still tie parcels with twine are grandmothers, and that’s only because the mail clerks feel bad yelling at them to knock it off.”]]

[[The hollow top half of a ball: “3. Instead of discarding the half-balls left over from a game of slice-the-ball-in-the-garden, use them to cap off leaky sprinklers or plug gopher holes. The rubber balls are biodegradable, given a long enough timeline.”]]

[[A contraption with black paper sticking out: “4. X-ray viewers are great for spot-checking leaves for suspicious veining. Good gardens need a lot of work and attention.”]]

[[A strange-looking lipstick: “5. No need to get dolled up any longer, now that your obssessive (sic) gardening has killed romance? Use that lipstick to mark crop rows in the vegetable garden. The oily stain will serve as a warning to the sprouting plants never to set their sights too high.”]]

[[The lid to the lipstick: “6. The lid to the lipstick can catch tears, which, instead of wasted on him, can be put to use for irrigation!”]]

[[A bulb: “7. Now that you’re ‘going green’ and harvesting your earwax to make biodiesel, you won’t need this ear-cleaning bulb anymore. Plant it and see if it grows. It’s not a dumber idea than staying in this marriage.”]]

[[A conveyor belt: “8. He paid $200 for this five years ago and never even used it. Throw it in the garden and see if he even notices it’s gone.”]]

[[A whistle: “9. Blow this whisle in joy if he ever bothers to ask how the garden is coming. Screw baseball season.”]]

{{alt-text: A gardening tool is just any possession you don’t mind irreparably soiling, CHARLES}}

The Tinkerer’s Handbook, Page 6 (of 8) transcribed by in

[[A banner reads: "A purposeful use of what society would discard"]]

[[The headline reads: "Non-traditional gardening tools. Rather than spending for specialized implements, use these household items:" Several numbered pictures are displayed.]]

[[A headline lower down reads "Tools Guide." Numbered paragraphs describe the referenced pictures.]]

[[Of a sailboat: "1. Model sailboat can be used to repel aphids from plants. Aphids have a Jungian aversion to open water, and the presence of the boat implies a nearby regatta."]]

[[Rope: "2. Ordinary parcel twine can be used to tie saplings to posts, rather than some kind of special gardening twine. It's not like you're going to use it for parcels. The only people who still tie parcels with twine are grandmothers, and that's only because the mail clerks feel bad yelling at them to knock it off."]]

[[The hollow top half of a ball: "3. Instead of discarding the half-balls left over from a game of slice-the-ball-in-the-garden, use them to cap off leaky sprinklers or plug gopher holes. The rubber balls are biodegradable, given a long enough timeline."]]

[[A contraption with black paper sticking out: "4. X-ray viewers are great for spot-checking leaves for suspicious veining. Good gardens need a lot of work and attention."]]

[[A strange-looking lipstick: "5. No need to get dolled up any longer, now that your obssessive (sic) gardening has killed romance? Use that lipstick to mark crop rows in the vegetable garden. The oily stain will serve as a warning to the sprouting plants never to set their sights too high."]]

[[The lid to the lipstick: "6. The lid to the lipstick can catch tears, which, instead of wasted on him, can be put to use for irrigation!"]]

[[A bulb: "7. Now that you're 'going green' and harvesting your earwax to make biodiesel, you won't need this ear-cleaning bulb anymore. Plant it and see if it grows. It's not a dumber idea than staying in this marriage."]]

[[A conveyor belt: "8. He paid $200 for this five years ago and never even used it. Throw it in the garden and see if he even notices it's gone."]]

[[A whistle: "9. Blow this whisle in joy if he ever bothers to ask how the garden is coming. Screw baseball season."]]

{{alt-text: A gardening tool is just any possession you don't mind irreparably soiling, CHARLES}}

A gardening tool is just any possession you don't mind irreparably soiling, CHARLES

The Tinkerer’s Handbook, Page 6 (of 8)

— May 4th, 2011

[ Tags: craft, diagrams, tinkerer ] Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/tink6/

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Applications open for Genius Northwest – an IRL gaming competition

May 8, 2026 by David Malki !

Last year, I participated in Genius Northwest, a gaming competition inspired by the Korean gameshow The Genius and its ilk.

It’s a reality show without the cameras — a 3-day, all-inclusive weekend retreat structured around a series of challenges and puzzles, in which personalities and dealmaking matter as much as playing games.

It’s truly a remarkable thing. I came in dead last in the competition, but I still had a great time participating.

The event is held annually in the Pacific Northwest (hence the name) and applications are now open to participate in the 2026 competition!

Learn more — and apply — at GeniusNW.com.

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