Tales of Bears in Ill-Fitting Hats

You may know that 2008 was predicted to be the year of bears in ill-fitting hats — and boy was it ever.

But what now, in 2009?

In 2009, we tell their stories.

'Misty', by halcyonsnow
Misty, by halcyonsnow

Misty stood still even as the last rays of sunlight disappeared behind whistling pines, waiting, careful not to move, not to lose hope. She ran over the words a thousand times in her mind — had she said them right? Had she missed even a single syllable? She couldn’t be sure. She didn’t think so, but she couldn’t be sure.

She stood there watching the valley turn from evening slowly into dark, chilly night. The he-bear did not return, though this was the place where he had last stood, she was sure of it. The branches were still broken from his passage, the grass flat from his weight.

She did not think she had said the words wrong — but sometimes, she reasoned, she told herself as the moon finally found her, the magic might take time.

===

'Underwater Bear', by Red Rocket Farm
Underwater Bear, by Red Rocket Farm

It had not been difficult for Brewster to find the chest; the instructions the men had given him were perfect, and the prize itself was no trouble for his long, strong arms. It clinked as he padded softly through the silty sea-bed, and he wondered what was in it — bottlecaps, perhaps? Jars full of stones?

The men had been very keen for Brewster to return to the surface the instant he’d found the treasure, but honey did not spoil; his reward would be equally sweet later, and the water felt cool on such a warm day. He’d never known he could breathe down here, never bothered to try — in fact it was downright peaceful, a nice break from all the shouting and frenzy up where the men waited. With nothing better to do, he sat and fumbled with the chest until it opened, hoping to find seashells perhaps, or possibly bottles filled with acorns.

Inside were hundreds of firm yellow disks. With horror he realized it was honey, frozen or hardened somehow into indigestible slices, and with haste he packed up the chest and raced again for the surface — these men had somehow turned it bad, and he hoped as he kicked that he was not yet too late to claim his wages.

===

'hhHeh Hur', by Ape Lad
hhHeh Hur, by Ape Lad

Madame Hoote shook her head. This experiment could never work; she didn’t know what the knuckleheads down at District were thinking. She knew the social dynamics in her classroom, the problems that could arise from mixing kids from different backgrounds; integration was all the rage nowadays, but she missed the pragmatism it had replaced.

One could not put a bear in the same room as a badger and expect them both to learn arithmetic at the same pace — for bears were slow by nature, while badgers were hyperactive. She could hardly teach Social Studies frankly without offending one party or the other (though most of the politically-charged stuff went right over the poor bear’s head). And, she thought with a sigh, she could have told those fools down at District that bears and badgers could simply not play dodgeball together without someone getting hurt.

It had been sad to see the little creature squeak in pain as it went flying across the playground, but perhaps, she thought, dusting the cone-hat from the closet and sitting the bear gently on the time-out stump, this sorry incident would finally teach someone a lesson.

Watch me make comics LIVE: Thurs. 4PM PST

I’ve posted some how-I-make-Wondermark process videos in the past, and have more planned for the future, but I’ve recently discovered the fun of live streaming video! Tuesday’s comic was created with about twenty people watching over my proverbial Internet shoulder, chatting and giving feedback, and I had a great time talking with them, answering questions, and explaining the process as I went along.

Then, I turned on the streaming-cam again for some live sketching on Wednesday, and this time, decided to record the video as well. You can watch it below, after the jump — or here’s a link to the video for readers on feeds.

That video’s about 100 minutes of me drawing Artist Edition books and chatting with viewers — they’re typing in a chat box that I can read, and I’m responding verbally. Again, it was a lot of fun, and it kept me on-task too! (I do not really expect you to sit and watch all 100 recorded minutes, but hey, what you do on your own time is your business)

So I’ll be doing the live-stream thing, if not regularly, at least often for a while, and this time I’m giving advance notice so you can tune in if you like! (I make the show announcements on my Twitter as well.) I’ll be making the next comic this Thursday, starting at 4PM California time. To watch, just visit this handy link right here.

If you do watch, feel free to say hello in the chat to me and the other viewers! The site will give you a default chat nickname (something like “ustreamer-39878”) but you can choose your own name by typing “/nick mycoolname” (without quotes) into the chat window.

Read more

Chris Yates handmade Obama puzzle

Yates vs. Fairey Obama puzzle

My colleague and good friend Chris Yates, he of the handmade toys and unique puzzles, has just finished the third of three Obama puzzles in the style of the famous Shepard Fairey poster. And the puzzle is up for auction right this second! The bid starts at a single dollar, and shipping is free. (More pictures of the piece here)

Speaking of cool handmade products, my calendars will be withdrawn from the store at the end of January, because seriously who buys calendars after January? So if you’re still interested in picking one up, or taking advantage of the the free-gift-for-over-$40 promotion, you’ve only got until then!

2008 Errata

It has come to our attention that the past year’s comics contained a number of factual inaccuracies. Please find our corrections below.

#470; In which it doesn’t take Much
While the lyrics to “Good King Wenceslas” and “Yankee Doodle” share the same meter, the melodies of the songs are not identical.

#469; In which Now you Know
The character claiming a diagnosis of “a dozen different types of gout” was mistaken. His actual diagnosis was “eleven different types of gout and a severe, gout-like case of calcium pyrophosphate deposition disease.”

#463; In which the Future is Saved
Marty did not, in fact, need to come with Doc; Doc could have handled the situation just fine on his own. Doc’s schemes are elaborate excuses to spend time with friends.

#457; In which It’s All Over
The machine in the final panel is an anthropomorphized construct; “robocalls” are in fact handled by computer programs with a less-interesting outward appearance.

#449; In which ‘Food’ is placed in Quotes
In the fourth panel, the talking kabob unilaterally denies the validity of its previous argument. In fact, the increased operating cost of rental space in such environments is a valid factor in this situation, although the property owners may legitimately be accused of the same manner of price-gouging that the kabob admits that retailers engage in.

#426; In which a Tree gets the Talk
Trees cannot actually speak.

#396; In which Trade Secrets are revealed
Kinko’s ceased to exist as a separate company when it was purchased by FedEx in 2002, so at the time that this comic was published, it was technically not still in business. Additionally, the stores’ profits dropped from $100 million in 2004 to $45 million in 2007, proving that their stinking horrible business model was indeed (and justifiably) taking an economic toll on the company.

#394; That’s what Happens
Flour is not generally packaged with silica gel.

#378; In which Children suffer
The bear actually left one child terribly maimed but alive, to contemplate the horror of what he’d witnessed for the rest of his days.

Wondermark regrets the errors.

Interview: The Sound of Young America

The Sound of Young America

New today: I’m interviewed by Jesse Thorn on the Public Radio International program “The Sound of Young America,” a show featuring notables from the world of entertainment. Don’t know how I got on there, but nobody say anything.

Nutshell quote: “If I’ve done my job right, it looks like a Victorian engraving of a ninja on a unicycle.” (in reference to)

The show’s available as a direct MP3 download, or stream it right now:

For more info, or to subscribe to the podcast (which I highly recommend), visit MaximumFun.org.