The commotion is that the flying man who always comes by has returned once again.

#1581; The Longest, Most Fruitless Search

  — January 23rd, 2026

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Continued from Wondermark #024
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Limited-edition & misprint shirts

I’ve done one single run of my popular “Steam Powered Heart” design on black shirts! These are American Apparel BB401 (men’s/unisex poly/cotton) for an extremely soft, comfortable fit. Modeled above by my friend Phill. (Check out his dancepop group, The Vice Junkies.) This is a one-run-only shirt, so supplies are limited to stock on hand. Available now!

(Of course the regular [brown] edition of Steam Powered Heart is still available right here at TopatoCo.)

ALSO: I have come into possession of a number of misprinted “Engineering: It’s Like Math, But Louder” shirts. UPDATE: These are all sold out! But you can still look at them, below.

The regular, perfect versions are here at TopatoCo, but right now in my office I have shirts that exhibit the following problems, which are a more-or-less comprehensive inventory of things that can go wrong with a shirt. (Click for closer views)

The ink is scratched. Pulled off the press too soon? Wrinkle? Something on the printing screen? Don’t know, don’t care.

This one is way over-inked. Maybe it got printed twice? Three times? Possibly up to a hundred times.

This one has some stray ink on it. The ink has wandered away from home in hopes of finding a more loving family. Will it learn its lesson? No, because it was then cooked in (the wrong) place.

There are two like this, in which the background explosion became a little TOO excited and spattered into the foreground. But NO that is BAD that is INCORRECT.

This shirt was printed off-register. The colors don’t quite match up properly. It’s got that “hip” “vintage” “messed-up” “done incorrectly” look.

The shoulders of this shirt are very slightly bleached orange. How did this happen? Does the factory keep bleach-soaked hangers on standby, and then once a day choose to put a shirt on one of them?

This one has what looks like the residue of a marker on it? It’s hard to make out, but the marks are there — no ink, just lines. Maybe someone tried to write on this shirt with a Sharpie that had run out of ink, and just the alcohol solvent came out? “Hmm,” they thought, “that didn’t work the way I expected. Better ship this shirt to an unsuspecting customer.”

I’m not quite sure what’s going on here, but I don’t think it’s supposed to be this way.

I think it’s incredibly progressive and inclusive of the American Apparel factory to hire sewing workers with debilitating neurological disorders.

There’s one with a hole in it too, but I’m keeping it for church.

If your desire for SAVINGS outweighs your desire for PRODUCT INTEGRITY, these problem children are for sale for $13 right here.

‘Dispatches’ Auction reminder

The auction for my marked-up proof copy of The Compleat Dispatches from Wondermark Manor ends today! As I mention in the auction description, this proof copy is actually printed larger than the regular production books, so this is quite literally the physically largest copy of this book that will ever exist.

If you missed my announcement last week about this new edition of my parody Victorian novel trilogy, here’s more info about The Compleat Dispatches.

Classy Photo Contest – Second batch

Following up from last week’s Classy Comic Recreations, here are some of the other entries in the Classy Photo Contest!

The task at hand was to “take a classy photo featuring yourself (or other humans or animals) along with any item(s) from the Wondermark Goodsery. Define ‘classy’ however you want — it doesn’t necessarily have to mean ‘wearing a top hat’ although that is probably fine.” Judging is based on:

20% Classiness
30% Quality of photography
50% Creativity
+10% Extra credit for description

So here we go! Thanks to all who submitted. Selected favorites ahoy:

Classy Reading

My brother reading Beards of Our Forefathers by an old cannon in a South Dakota city park, of all places. It was tricky to photograph him because he wanted to look at a specific page (I can’t remember which, though) and he kept moving his nose so his and the book’s wouldn’t line up well.

And yes, that is a top hat.

This appears to be the same brother as in the dinosaur picture from the last post! The tried-and-true “use the book as a beard mask” is a strong move. SCORES:

Classiness: Child, in top hat, near cannon. Yes. 13/20
Quality of photography: Crisp, colorful. Would have liked to see more cannon maybe? 15/30
Creativity: The beard-face has been done before, but this gains some creative points from using what appears to be a library book. 20/50
Description: Straightforward but nothing fancy. +5/10

TOTAL SCORE: 53/100

RulesMicon

We use The CSBCM Rules to build our Infernal Devices.

This nicely framed copy of the Tinkerer’s Rules appears to be adorning something large and terrifying! Those are my two favorite adjectives, so well done. SCORES:

Classiness: Goggles are a plus. 12/20
Quality of photography: I would like to see more of the large and terrifying thing! 10/30
Creativity: This is a fairly straightforward snapshot, but I appreciate seeing the poster in the wild regardless. 12/50
Description: What is this terrifying thing? Tell me more about everything in this picture! +2/10

TOTAL SCORE: 36/100

In Which Security Camera Footage from the Art Gallery Comes Into Play

“Goodness, no!” said Foppish Bear, “That isn’t me perpetrating the most classy of crimes, the Art Heist. What, do all foppish bears look the same to you? That, my good man, is quite Racist.”

Nicely done! And quite a handsome wall of Wondermark comic prints you have there as well. SCORES:

Classiness: Art gallery theft is inherently classy. 12/20
Quality of photography: Grainy but clearly on purpose. It’s obvious what’s going on, and that’s what’s important. 18/30
Creativity: I am definitely on the watch for thieving bears after seeing this picture. 35/50
Description: Totally fine. +8/10

TOTAL SCORE: 73/100

A Traveling Wondermark Dispensary

Get you Wondermarks here! Cheapest Wondermarks on the eastern seaboard!

Alex here appears to have one of pretty much everything I’ve ever made. I like this Alex fellow. If you see him try to sell you something out of his trunk, at least flip through the books a little. They might not be too bad. SCORES:

Classiness: A serape is always a nice touch. 12/20
Quality of photography: Clear and bright. 15/30
Creativity: I am having fun imagining the trials and tribulations of a bootleg Wondermark vendor. 30/50
Description: Says what it does, does what it says. +5/10

TOTAL SCORE: 62/100

From a Perpendicular Universe

Our subject from a nearby perpendicular universe is caught at his leisure.

Another entry from Alex, featuring my book Clever Tricks to Stave Off Death! I do not know if this strange sideways-world is one native to himself or one that he has entered strictly for the sake of the photograph, but either way I appreciate the view of it. SCORES:

Classiness: Sitting on steps is somewhat classy, I suppose? 8/20
Quality of photography: Colorful and interestingly angled. 18/30
Creativity: I will assign this value capriciously. 20/50
Description: Straightforward. +5/10

TOTAL SCORE: 50/100

Foppish Bear and Piranhamoose™ Brand Slab’o’Meat Product

Foppish Bear only eats the finest meats: Piranhamoose™ Brand Slab’o’Meat Product, made from the finest elk, caribou and small game, with just a hint of man-flesh. Piranhamoose Slab’o’Meat Product — Sometimes you just want a slab of meat.

One of several entries featuring the Foppish Bear and a complete Piranhamoose™ line of questionable nutriments, this one struck my fancy for featuring what appears to be an entirely genuine mound of raw meat. SCORES:

Classiness: Meat is classy. Moustaches are classy. Knives — need I say more? 17/20
Quality of photography: A bit flash-heavy and flat. 6/30
Creativity: This couple appears to have spent an entire evening taking pictures in a moustache and a bear suit, and I have to respect that level of commitment. 40/50
Description: Just what we need. +10/10

TOTAL SCORE: 73/100

In which Señor Gamberro wrestles with literacy

Not wanting to be perceived as lacking the wit befitting a gentleman of his standing, the good luchador had taken to engaging in various forms of popular humorous scholarship.

This photo from Paolo fulfills a lifelong dream of mine, which is, of course, to see my work being read by a person in a luchador mask and suspenders.

Classiness: Aforementioned luchador mask and suspenders. 16/20
Quality of photography: The angle and setting could use some imagination. 13/30
Creativity: Where’s the action? I get that this is a bookish luchador, but that ain’t the event I bought tickets for. 18/50
Description: Clear enough! +5/10

TOTAL SCORE: 52/100

In which Alex only has as many books as she could carry.

(pictured: a puddle of books) It’s impossible, really, to carry such a sea of books as she owns. Others don’t understand how she could need so many books in the first place, but she breathes the stuff. She is, without a doubt, a bibliophibian. Also, she has a nice hat.

Alex models the Bibliophibian shirt to nice effect. Past the point of no return, she feels the ink in her lungs, and she smiles. SCORES:

Classiness: She does have a nice hat. 12/20
Quality of photography: Sufficiently moody. 20/30
Creativity: I must ask again, as I did with the other Alex: is this a pose or just a natural state of being? 30/50
Description: Nicely done. +9/10

TOTAL SCORE: 71/100

In which Herschel waxes intellectual about petty concerns

The Alderman had the singular ability to derive rather stunning insights from the most trivial reading material.

Another from Paolo. I’ve looked at this photo a dozen times now and I only just realized that those weren’t his real eyes.

Classiness: The celebrated disguise is class personified. 14/20
Quality of photography: A bit flat but fine. 13/30
Creativity: I have a feeling Paolo just looked around for things he could wear to make the photo interesting. STILL: I am game enough to expand my lifelong dream (above) to include any kind of vaguely creepy mask, so this counts. 25/50
Description: Does its job. (But “trivial”??) +5/10

TOTAL SCORE: 61/100

Bibliophibian

Instead of spending all the money on her book collection, she should have spent a few dollars on a life vest too. She was too invested in reading to notice that she was drowning in it too. Maybe with all the knowledge from her books, she can grow gills and become a bibliophibian.

Another from Alex II, same as above. Clearly this photo was taken earlier in the evolution/conversion/assimilation process. SCORES:

Classiness: I don’t even know how to define this anymore. 10/20
Quality of photography: Strongly dramatic, highly evocative. Would like to have seen the shirt a little better maybe? 28/30
Creativity: Again, is this just Alex’s daily life? Still, a nice pose and a nice shot. 38/50
Description: A cautionary tale for the ages. +8/10

TOTAL SCORE: 84/100

Megan and Helena being extraordinarily classy whilst perusing the wondrous Wondermark anthologies.

There was going to be a third in this photo, but our canine counterpart was being less than cooperative. Thus, the third top hat is being worn by none other than the Classy Chair.

If classy can be defined as “wearing a top hat”, how do we define *3* top hats?

Very strong entry. The sepia filter is a bit of a cheat but it’s one I’m certainly not above using myself. High marks for the full costumes (and of course, the full complement of books.) SCORES:

Classiness: It is impossible to get classier than this. 20/20
Quality of photography: A bit staid but nicely evocative. 25/30
Creativity: The question remains! Is this simply a regular day in their life?? 36/50
Description: Does the job but makes me miss that dog! +7/10

TOTAL SCORE: 88/100

NOW. Before announcing all the winners and prizes, let’s turn our attention back to the Recreate-a-Panel photos (which are all so super wonderful). You voted for your favorites from that set, and the results, as of this writing are:

So the winner of that category is Diny the Stegosaurus and friend:

Which is awful hard to beat. Congrats, team! You win one of anything you like from either Wondermark store (either my own or TopatoCo).

The winner of the photos on this page is Megan & Helena with their extra-classy shot! Megan & Helena win one of anything they like from either Wondermark store. Congrats & thanks for the picture!

An honorable mention goes to Alex the Bibliophibian as well, just because I really like that shot of her reaching out of the books. Alex, let me give you one of my books to add to that stack, if there are any of my own that you’re missing.

And finally…my discretionary award for BEST IN SHOW goes to…

Just because I want to look at this picture and nothing else for the rest of my life. I will take to the grave the fact that I made people do this. Simply wonderful.

I should also mention that this photo is brought to you by the team that also contributed the Stove cat photo, the Leopold photo, and the photos above featuring Foppish Bear. So this is a well-deserved Lifetime Achievement Award as well. Nice work! You win $100 cash!

Winners please email me to claim your prizes: dave at wondermark dot com. Thanks everyone!

Holiday cards, new book, and more!

I’m super-pleased to announce some neat new things for the holidays! Quick links:

  1. General Holiday Shipping Notes
     
  2. New Greeting Cards!
       Description below / Store link
     
  3. Artist Editions now available!
       Description below / Store link
     
  4. New book: The Compleat Dispatches from Wondermark Manor!
       Description below / Store link

Read more

Classy Photo Contest – First entries

Here is the first bunch of photos from the Classy Photo Contest! Thanks to everyone who entered. These in particular are the entries that attempted to reproduce a single comic panel. I’ve juxtaposed each with the panel it is attempting to reproduce.

This first one depicts a panel from my short story “Treachery!” (shown here in minicomic form; reprinted in my hardcover book Beards of our Forefathers). It is certainly the classiest sort of murder around! Gather in the parlor, the butler did it, &c. The description submitted with the photo reads:

So strongly possessed was I by the urge for a friendly round of blind-man’s-buff with my loving wife that I did not trouble myself to change out of my shirtsleeves or even to put down the latest by Mr. Malki !. I knew all that nonsense about someone killing my father was an ephemerality.

This one, of course, is from Comic #378, In which Children suffer. Extremely strong entry; top marks for costume creativity! The description provides a helpful 80s-teen-movie-style epilogue to the comic in question:

The Diver went on to lifeguard at different YMCA. He still hasn’t shut up.

One of the Children became the first zombie president of the United States.

The Bear was acquitted of all charges after jinxing the prosecution… He never did receive his Coke.

This entry from Claire, recreating a panel from #601; The Discovery that Changed the World, has everything I like in it: Cheetos, chopsticks, and attention to typographic detail. Claire writes:

I attempted to grow a beard for more accurate panel recreation but was met with little success and faking a beard isn’t really my style.

I must say I will never eat Cheetos any other way EVER again. I am going to carry around chopsticks expressly for the purpose of Cheeto consumption.

I think I should have gotten a larger bag, but I am just glad I still have a black jacket.

Claire also contributes this entry from #607; The Peaches That Were Left, but admits:

I meant this as a joke originally, because really! the panel is just a hand holding two fruit. Now I encountered a problem since it’s not peach season and where I live there are none available. But I got as close as I could, and close isn’t that close.

Here, from Andrew, is a panel from #387; In which Baggage is emblazoned. This is hopefully the only time that sticker has ever made its way into real life. Andrew writes:

“I’m TIRED of being upstaged by more talented MOD fans. I guess I just have to make my submissions more DISTINCTIVE somehow…”

Andrew, let us know if you ever lose that suitcase. I’d like to know if the sticker actually works.

This one’s super great! It recreates #191; In which a Tiny Dinosaur factors, which has the distinction of being the specific comic incredulously described by Jesse Thorn during my 2008 Sound of Young America interview, during which I had a throat infection and so spoke with a certain gravitas I have never since been able to match. The submitter of this photo writes:

The handsome fellow in the photo is my brother and that is his dinosaur, Diny (pronounced DYE-nee). Fun facts about this photo:

The scowl on my brother’s face was because I told him, “Imagine they’ve found Roderick’s body and it’s all Diny’s fault.” Also, he was incredibly bored.

The ‘sword’ is two-toned because it can retract. This means that you can flick the sword to extend it, which is very fun to do.

Diny has not told anyone to commit a crime (that I know of). In fact, he is a good, law-abiding stegosaurus.

Super fond of troublemaking big siblings dragging little brothers on boring adventures. Top marks.

Vanessa sends in this recreation of #238; In which Education is Vital. I am not sure that this is entirely historically accurate, but I am willing to make some minor exceptions for anyone who can balance on a cardboard unicycle. Vanessa writes:

Fact: our neighbors came out and watched us try to set up our delayed-timer camera on top of an IKEA magazine on top of a rubber tote, on top of a kitchen chair.

+5 bonus points for weirding out the neighbors. That was the point of this entire contest.

Also from Vanessa, recreating the most popular Wondermark comic of all time, #657; The Negotiator. “He who is without sin among you,” she writes, “let him be the first to throw rock-paper-scissors.” Vanessa, I say to you: DONE.

This is a very strong entry, recreating #507; In which Leopold is located. The word balloons are a nice bonus touch, and also note the attention to detail on the footwear. The cat in particular is striking an extremely accurate pose. By way of explanation, the submitter writes “In the live action version, Leopold was played by a much smaller man.”

Another quite strong entry (even the pots look basically correct) from the same submitter, recreating #372; In which Events end Poorly. Captioned, of course, “YOU FAILED THE TEST JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN JR”

Judge John Hodgman, Jr. is the name of the cat. And why not. I myself have a cat named Mall of America, after John Hodgman’s life-changing article in The Areas of My Expertise. Still: um, run?

Now then! I have my favorites, and of course we will show some of the other category of Classy Merchandise Photos later. But first: let’s have a vote! (If you’re reading this on a feed and the voting box doesn’t appear, click through to the post.) Here are the contenders:

If only Judge John Hodgman, Jr could have kept himself from jumping on that chair before the photo was taken he’d be a lock


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