by Noelle
Blog
Drawing: evil doggie
The most disturbing part of this isn’t the picture (so much) — it’s the selling points sprinkled about it. Even before I defaced this image, the animal pictured is some horrible, mutated amalgam of domesticity named “Scoozie”, an engineered “pet” whose native land is the Uncanny Valley that cuts deeply and disturbingly between nature’s own reality and the endless wakefulness of the soulless automatons.
“…and, of course, cuddle-ability!” Yeah, right, until you wake up with its teeth lodged in your jugular, its ears wagging happily, “responding to light and sound” as you batter at its plastic face with ever-weakening blows, the sight of its deranged gaze the last sensation to enter your mind before the “emotive animation” chalks up another point for the monsters and the balance of power between us and them shifts slightly but inexorably towards the Scoozie faction.
Writing: joy to the fish
Wrote this after a particularly interesting dinner a little while back.
(to the tune of “Hark, the Herald Angeles Sing”)
I’sshaimase, the chefs cry out;
Glorious promise in their shout!
Please be seated! Look! Behold:
Crab and salmon, smoked and rolled.
Bring us miso-broiled cod;
Feed us Asia’s piscine god;
Reap the fruits of Old Japan —
Bring us Kirin Ichiban.
This is what taste buds are for:
Not quite done, but bring us more!
O! We’re stuffed, but still it comes —
Toss some ginger on our tongues.
Chopsticks fly with dextrous ease
God, I love the Japanese!
Only chefs with skill resplendent
Could create food so transcendent
Thanks for nourishing our souls!
Thanks for California rolls!
Reach beneath my stomach’s dome:
Left my wallet back at home.