Man: I'm an atheist.
Woman: I'm a maltheist!
Man: I don't believe that God exists.
Woman: I believe that God exists, and that he hates us.
Man: I believe in a natural explanation for everything that happens in the world.
Woman: I believe that everything bad is caused by a deity who wishes only to cause us pain, and everything good is either luck or our own doing.
Man: I believe that life is fundamentally cruel and unfair, and we'd better learn to live with it.
Woman: I believe that life is cruel and unfair on purpose, and so it's our duty to fight and make things better for ourselves and for others.
Bishop: I believe that God loves us and wants us to be happy. And that evil in the world is attributable to the Devil.
Woman: Well in MY thing there's no guarantee that the Devil loses at the end, so we better get to work.
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{{alt-text: Maltheists believe that the Bible is both literally true AND a mean-spirited prank.}}