Next weekend: SEATTLE!

I’ll be appearing in Seattle next week! I can’t wait — the Emerald City Comicon is one of my favorite shows of the year. But I’m also doing something else special: a live performance of my podcast Tweet Me Harder!

Kris Straub and I will be headlining the TopatoCo Pre-Con Kickoff Party on Friday night, March 12, in West Seattle. Admission is free, and it’ll be a fun time with cartoonists and friends! Everyone’s invited to come have a great time. It is The Official ECCC Pre-Party. More info here, or it’s on Facebook right here.

THEN: Saturday and Sunday, March 13-14, I’ll be at the Emerald City Comicon (at the TopatoCo booth, just inside the front doors and to the left). I’ll have shirts, books, prints, hopefully some brand-new stickers (if they arrive in time) and of course, awkward hugs and shifty glances for all. It’s my official kickoff to the spring convention season, so catch me while I’m still chipper and excited. Hope to see you there!

What happened that day

A hundred birds leapt at once from the shaking earth. A leaf fell; the first of many, as the pounding grew stronger, more violent, more energetic. A slight burning smell tickled the nose of a dog, trotting across a field. At the next deep, crackling slam, the dog turned and ran the opposite direction.

First to break the surface was a finger. It looked like a potato being rejected by the world, jutting suddenly forth from the ground like a coin had been dropped in some slot: “Potatoes – 10¢.” Someone must have dropped a dollar in, because nine more soon followed, pop-pop-pop. They flexed and the caked brown dirt fell off at the cracks and seams. Beneath was red — burning red, the red of a body in a sauna, the burning of a soul sent back, to finish up.

The hands spread the earth away on both sides like a swimmer surfacing, a smooth, easy motion that swept up great mounds of field, rolling right over trees, trucks, squirrels, the lot. Hills now existed in these places, and behind them, canyons. The arms broke the ground, the sleeves steaming but whole, hanging heavily like great bags of rope. The hands found the crust of the planet and pushed against it — and then the hat crested. And then the head was through.

When its face touched air it drew a ragged breath, and with that sharp intake came power: it breathed again, and again, and then it rose. It stood and sought out the sky. It sought out the land on either side. Then it sought out a tree. It stared at the tree, steadily, until the leaves withered and began to burn.

By now the road was crowded with cars, with trucks, with shouts and the jangle of telephones. As the distractions drew the man’s attention, a line of bright hot flame sped across the road, exactly following his gaze. The first car his eyes washed over began to burn. Shouts turned to cries, but these sounds were far-off. The man did not notice. He lifted his feet and set them down. He walked away.

The flame spat itself out in a long line toward the horizon, before petering out as the man’s gaze extended into the distance. Buildings stood there. He made for them, leaving behind the cars, the people, and the deep, hot tunnel he had climbed. For weeks he had climbed; for months he had fought his way through the earth. Today, the day with the air, was a good day. It was the start of something beautiful.

This day — the climbing from the pit — had been anticipated by many. Some waited for him in Springfield, at the tomb; others favored the memorial in Washington. A few even camped out near Hodgenville and the old log cabin. For many years there had been whispers that he was returning. Everybody had gotten ready for him; everyone expected him to welcome them, to praise them, and for him to take up their burdens.

They were wrong. He did not know those people. Their constant wails were brambles in his ears; their prayers were caterwauling bleats, one litany of sobs after another.

So when the day came that his eyes flashed awake, he fled, kicking away from that sound, into the heat and the liquid and the blessed, blessed silence.

By the time the first flames began to lick the buildings of Perth, everyone knew what was happening. It’s just that no one had expected him to take the long way up.

The new shirt is printed on American Apparel Organic Edition in the very lovely Galaxy color!

Center for Plain Language Awards! DEADLINE SOON

There are companies in this foul world that specifically hire people to make their policies hard to understand, in defiance of transparency, courtesy, and good business. And there are companies that, in concert with what is good and best for humanity and our shared society, work hard to make their policies easy to understand. The Center for Plain Language, a Washington, DC nonprofit, invites you to submit examples in both categories — good, clear business communications to be rewarded with shiny trophies at a fancy ceremony; and horrible, confusing, misleading and/or opaque business communications to be savagely mocked by yours truly in as ruthless a manner as possible.

The Center’s ClearMark Awards will recognize businesses and organizations that put normal human beings in charge of communicating to the public. We’ve all breathed sighs of relief upon encountering something that’s simply easy to use and understand. Why not reward the folks who get it by nominating your favorite example of user-friendliness for a ClearMark Award?

And then there are the WonderMark Awards. Send in the absolute worst examples of nonsense balderdash you’ve ever seen issue forth from a corporate lawyer or government bureaucrat’s bile-salted horror-fingers, and the Center and I will rub our hands together mischievously and make fun of the organization in as public and shameful a manner possible. It is the only way they will learn. (They probably won’t learn, but let’s have some fun anyhow.)

Here’s how to submit nominations. The deadline is very soon —Monday, March 1 — so don’t delay! DO IT NOW.

Copperplate Valentines

Marksman Owen writes: “I was inspired by your steam-powered heart T-shirt to create these two hearts. Less anatomically correct but more suitable for Valentine’s Day. They were something of a success with the ladies too.”

Great work, Owen! Also: let this be an instructive moment to all you Lotharios out there. Owen reports success with the “ladies.” Plural. The lesson is not to try and split your heart between two (or more) loves; it’ll never work. Your true love wants, and deserves, the whole of your heart. So give it to them!

…And then make another heart to repeat the process. The secret is in the number of hearts you have. Let us be like that famous Don Juan of the animal kingdom, the ten-hearted earthworm, and cultivate as many loves as our biology (or clockworks) will allow — then secrete a viscid egg sac into our clitellum and slide that junk right off our segmented, slithery body. Ah, love!

Three videos about Hollywood

Here are three neat videos I’ve come across recently — all very different, all cool, but each shining a light on a different little corner of the entertainment business.

This showreel for Stargate Studios shows just how much television production uses visual effects — in ways that, if the compositors have done their job correctly, you won’t even realize:


(direct Youtube link)

This funny short about the trials and tribulations of a trailer-editor struck a particular nerve for me:


(direct FunnyOrDie link)

And finally, check out this pilot episode of would-be Nickelodeon animated series called The Modifyers. I love the aesthetic and pretty much everything about this. But, alas, it wasn’t picked up for a series! Luckily we’re able to view it regardless. (via Boing Boing)


(direct Vimeo link)

BONUS VIDEO: snowfall timelapse


(direct YouTube link)

probably not in Hollywood