Comic Transcripts

[[A shady-looking computer repair technician is investigating a bluescreened computer, while a confused user looks on.]]
Technician: Well, HERE’S your problem. Your Windows mainframe hasn’t been updated in so long, you’re starting to see a lot of FIREWIRE around the modem pins.

User: Is that… bad?
Technician: It’s pretty serious. Your dongle’s totally rebooted. Might need to reblog it in a tumblr.
Technician: I can try redditing your drive disks. Were you backing up your processor?

User: I’m… not sure… someone always took care of that for us.
Technician: Problem is, we’re on Web 2.0 now, and you’re still running 1.6. Have been for some time.
Technician: 1.6!!

User: Is that not good?
Technician: Well, in layman’s terms, you’ve heard of cookies? YOURS have gone HARD.
Technician: Don’t really work as SOFTWARE anymore, heh heh heh
User: Uh, HA HA HA

Technician: I may need to defragment the whole disqus, and THAT unfortunately ain’t cheap.
Technician: You really need to be changing the spam filter every 3,000 pagviews. Yours is FULL of webcrawlers.

[[A coupon for “Snake Coil Computer Maintenance” is displayed, with the motto “WE find the problems the competition hasn’t even HEARD of”. The coupon is good for “20% off any rebuilt startup accelerator”.]]

{{header: fix up your WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Take this thing back to Gateway, and you’re talkin at least four grand for them to bleed the cache. Me, I’d do it for ya for twenty five hunnerd}}

#1117; The Computer Mechanic transcribed by in

[[A shady-looking computer repair technician is investigating a bluescreened computer, while a confused user looks on.]]
Technician: Well, HERE’S your problem. Your Windows mainframe hasn’t been updated in so long, you’re starting to see a lot of FIREWIRE around the modem pins.

User: Is that… bad?
Technician: It’s pretty serious. Your dongle’s totally rebooted. Might need to reblog it in a tumblr.
Technician: I can try redditing your drive disks. Were you backing up your processor?

User: I’m… not sure… someone always took care of that for us.
Technician: Problem is, we’re on Web 2.0 now, and you’re still running 1.6. Have been for some time.
Technician: 1.6!!

User: Is that not good?
Technician: Well, in layman’s terms, you’ve heard of cookies? YOURS have gone HARD.
Technician: Don’t really work as SOFTWARE anymore, heh heh heh
User: Uh, HA HA HA

Technician: I may need to defragment the whole disqus, and THAT unfortunately ain’t cheap.
Technician: You really need to be changing the spam filter every 3,000 pagviews. Yours is FULL of webcrawlers.

[[A coupon for “Snake Coil Computer Maintenance” is displayed, with the motto “WE find the problems the competition hasn’t even HEARD of”. The coupon is good for “20% off any rebuilt startup accelerator”.]]

{{header: fix up your WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Take this thing back to Gateway, and you’re talkin at least four grand for them to bleed the cache. Me, I’d do it for ya for twenty five hunnerd}}

#1117; The Computer Mechanic transcribed by in

[[A shady-looking computer repair technician is investigating a bluescreened computer, while a confused user looks on.]]
Technician: Well, HERE'S your problem. Your Windows mainframe hasn't been updated in so long, you're starting to see a lot of FIREWIRE around the modem pins.

User: Is that... bad?
Technician: It's pretty serious. Your dongle's totally rebooted. Might need to reblog it in a tumblr.
Technician: I can try redditing your drive disks. Were you backing up your processor?

User: I'm... not sure... someone always took care of that for us.
Technician: Problem is, we're on Web 2.0 now, and you're still running 1.6. Have been for some time.
Technician: 1.6!!

User: Is that not good?
Technician: Well, in layman's terms, you've heard of cookies? YOURS have gone HARD.
Technician: Don't really work as SOFTWARE anymore, heh heh heh
User: Uh, HA HA HA

Technician: I may need to defragment the whole disqus, and THAT unfortunately ain't cheap.
Technician: You really need to be changing the spam filter every 3,000 pagviews. Yours is FULL of webcrawlers.

[[A coupon for "Snake Coil Computer Maintenance" is displayed, with the motto "WE find the problems the competition hasn't even HEARD of". The coupon is good for "20% off any rebuilt startup accelerator".]]

{{header: fix up your WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Take this thing back to Gateway, and you're talkin at least four grand for them to bleed the cache. Me, I'd do it for ya for twenty five hunnerd}}

Take this thing back to Gateway, and you're talkin at least four grand for them to bleed the cache. Me, I'd do it for ya for twenty five hunnerd

Thanks to Sara McHenry for “Snake Coil”! Also:

SNAKE COIL

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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