Comic Transcripts

[[BARNES comes across FOSTER, who is trapped beneath his fallen horse, SPARKY.]]
BARNES: Criminy, Foster! Took a bit of a tumble there, eh?
FOSTER: It’s FATAL, Barnes. Fell on a jagged branch. Tasting BARK in my throat even now.
I’m DONE FOR, old chum.

FOSTER: But SPARKY’S still got a life to live. Take her AWAY from this blasted place, will you? Find her some PASTURE to roam…
Will you do it, Barnes? Will you ADOPT her for me? And FEED her, and BRUSH her, and TEND to her costly, myriad and unusual medical needs?

FOSTER: Will you HAND-MASH her special imported oatmeal?
RUB HER DOWN each evening with a mitt hand-knit from the hairs of her own mane?
TiVo ICE ROAD TRUCKERS for her?

FOSTER: Will you DRY HER TEARS when lightning, tornadoes and sun frighten her?
Will you build the GIANT, climate-controlled BARN she’s alway wanted for all the STUFFED ANIMALS she hopes to collect on all the TRAVELS you take together?

FOSTER: Will you KNEAD HER GUMS thrice daily?
Will you hire only the BEST equestrian-pilates trainers? And will you do the exercises WITH her so she doesn’t get self-conscious? DESPITE the fact that they are designed for a HORSE’S body, not a MAN’S?

FOSTER: Will you undergo catechism in her ancient religion?
Will you teach your children the spoken language of the mighty horse, so she is not the last conversationalist of her STRANGE and LILTING dialect?

FOSTER: Baarrnnnes—*

[[Later, BARNES is spreading sauce over a horse-sized chunk of meat, roasting on a spit.]]

{{Header: take on WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: I can’t believe I have to cook Sparky this massive dinner every night.}}

#536; In which Sparky changes Ownership transcribed by in

[[BARNES comes across FOSTER, who is trapped beneath his fallen horse, SPARKY.]]
BARNES: Criminy, Foster! Took a bit of a tumble there, eh?
FOSTER: It’s FATAL, Barnes. Fell on a jagged branch. Tasting BARK in my throat even now.
I’m DONE FOR, old chum.

FOSTER: But SPARKY’S still got a life to live. Take her AWAY from this blasted place, will you? Find her some PASTURE to roam…
Will you do it, Barnes? Will you ADOPT her for me? And FEED her, and BRUSH her, and TEND to her costly, myriad and unusual medical needs?

FOSTER: Will you HAND-MASH her special imported oatmeal?
RUB HER DOWN each evening with a mitt hand-knit from the hairs of her own mane?
TiVo ICE ROAD TRUCKERS for her?

FOSTER: Will you DRY HER TEARS when lightning, tornadoes and sun frighten her?
Will you build the GIANT, climate-controlled BARN she’s alway wanted for all the STUFFED ANIMALS she hopes to collect on all the TRAVELS you take together?

FOSTER: Will you KNEAD HER GUMS thrice daily?
Will you hire only the BEST equestrian-pilates trainers? And will you do the exercises WITH her so she doesn’t get self-conscious? DESPITE the fact that they are designed for a HORSE’S body, not a MAN’S?

FOSTER: Will you undergo catechism in her ancient religion?
Will you teach your children the spoken language of the mighty horse, so she is not the last conversationalist of her STRANGE and LILTING dialect?

FOSTER: Baarrnnnes—*

[[Later, BARNES is spreading sauce over a horse-sized chunk of meat, roasting on a spit.]]

{{Header: take on WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: I can’t believe I have to cook Sparky this massive dinner every night.}}

#536; In which Sparky changes Ownership transcribed by in

[[BARNES comes across FOSTER, who is trapped beneath his fallen horse, SPARKY.]]
BARNES: Criminy, Foster! Took a bit of a tumble there, eh?
FOSTER: It's FATAL, Barnes. Fell on a jagged branch. Tasting BARK in my throat even now.
I'm DONE FOR, old chum.

FOSTER: But SPARKY'S still got a life to live. Take her AWAY from this blasted place, will you? Find her some PASTURE to roam...
Will you do it, Barnes? Will you ADOPT her for me? And FEED her, and BRUSH her, and TEND to her costly, myriad and unusual medical needs?

FOSTER: Will you HAND-MASH her special imported oatmeal?
RUB HER DOWN each evening with a mitt hand-knit from the hairs of her own mane?
TiVo ICE ROAD TRUCKERS for her?

FOSTER: Will you DRY HER TEARS when lightning, tornadoes and sun frighten her?
Will you build the GIANT, climate-controlled BARN she's alway wanted for all the STUFFED ANIMALS she hopes to collect on all the TRAVELS you take together?

FOSTER: Will you KNEAD HER GUMS thrice daily?
Will you hire only the BEST equestrian-pilates trainers? And will you do the exercises WITH her so she doesn't get self-conscious? DESPITE the fact that they are designed for a HORSE'S body, not a MAN'S?

FOSTER: Will you undergo catechism in her ancient religion?
Will you teach your children the spoken language of the mighty horse, so she is not the last conversationalist of her STRANGE and LILTING dialect?

FOSTER: Baarrnnnes---*

[[Later, BARNES is spreading sauce over a horse-sized chunk of meat, roasting on a spit.]]

{{Header: take on WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: I can't believe I have to cook Sparky this massive dinner every night.}}

I can't believe I have to cook Sparky this massive dinner every night.

#536; In which Sparky changes Ownership

  — July 21st, 2009

[ Tags: , , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/536/

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New ways to get Bolted!

July 24, 2026 by David Malki !

In addition to buying things directly from me, the normal way, my game Bolted! is also now available on Amazon dot com.

On that famous website, you can also get the Creature-Crafting Magnets Set, which is made of the same artwork from the game, but is just a weird little trinket (not a playable game).

My kiddo made the elaborate version below to show off just how many magnets you get in the set (it’s 150 pieces in all — this isn’t even all of them).

Also now on Amazon is my set of Multi-Purpose Greeting Cards — a full dozen cards with envelopes in a fancy, unbranded, foil-stamped box!

Event alert!

I’ll also be showing off Bolted! at Greenwood Games, an event in Seattle this Saturday:

Greenwood Games is a free, all-ages community game event that invites players to spend the afternoon walking Greenwood Avenue from 65th to 80th, collecting clues, cracking puzzles, and discovering games made right here in Washington.

Think of it as Pride Hop, ArtWalk, and the Gumshoe all rolled into one,  except the whole thing is built around games and puzzles.​

Local game designers will be set up at different places along Greenwood Avenue in Phinney Ridge (near Ballard). My specific spot will be the “Holy Mountain Phinney Ridge Taproom”. All the information about all the different games & venues is on the website!

(If you’re in Seattle generally but not free tomorrow, Bolted! is also stocked at Blue Highway Games in Queen Anne.)

Next week, I’ll be at Gen Con! I personally will be hanging with my buddy Sam Logan at BFE Webcomics, booth #1217… but I have it on good authority that copies of Bolted! will be available at the CRWN Studios booth, #2549.

Visit one booth! Then the other! The order…is up to you.


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