[[A banner reads: “A purposeful use of what society would discard”]]

[[The headline reads: “Non-traditional gardening tools. Rather than spending for specialized implements, use these household items:” Several numbered pictures are displayed.]]

[[A headline lower down reads “Tools Guide.” Numbered paragraphs describe the referenced pictures.]]

[[Of a sailboat: “1. Model sailboat can be used to repel aphids from plants. Aphids have a Jungian aversion to open water, and the presence of the boat implies a nearby regatta.”]]

[[Rope: “2. Ordinary parcel twine can be used to tie saplings to posts, rather than some kind of special gardening twine. It’s not like you’re going to use it for parcels. The only people who still tie parcels with twine are grandmothers, and that’s only because the mail clerks feel bad yelling at them to knock it off.”]]

[[The hollow top half of a ball: “3. Instead of discarding the half-balls left over from a game of slice-the-ball-in-the-garden, use them to cap off leaky sprinklers or plug gopher holes. The rubber balls are biodegradable, given a long enough timeline.”]]

[[A contraption with black paper sticking out: “4. X-ray viewers are great for spot-checking leaves for suspicious veining. Good gardens need a lot of work and attention.”]]

[[A strange-looking lipstick: “5. No need to get dolled up any longer, now that your obssessive (sic) gardening has killed romance? Use that lipstick to mark crop rows in the vegetable garden. The oily stain will serve as a warning to the sprouting plants never to set their sights too high.”]]

[[The lid to the lipstick: “6. The lid to the lipstick can catch tears, which, instead of wasted on him, can be put to use for irrigation!”]]

[[A bulb: “7. Now that you’re ‘going green’ and harvesting your earwax to make biodiesel, you won’t need this ear-cleaning bulb anymore. Plant it and see if it grows. It’s not a dumber idea than staying in this marriage.”]]

[[A conveyor belt: “8. He paid $200 for this five years ago and never even used it. Throw it in the garden and see if he even notices it’s gone.”]]

[[A whistle: “9. Blow this whisle in joy if he ever bothers to ask how the garden is coming. Screw baseball season.”]]

{{alt-text: A gardening tool is just any possession you don’t mind irreparably soiling, CHARLES}}

The Tinkerer’s Handbook, Page 6 (of 8) transcribed by in

[[A banner reads: “A purposeful use of what society would discard”]]

[[The headline reads: “Non-traditional gardening tools. Rather than spending for specialized implements, use these household items:” Several numbered pictures are displayed.]]

[[A headline lower down reads “Tools Guide.” Numbered paragraphs describe the referenced pictures.]]

[[Of a sailboat: “1. Model sailboat can be used to repel aphids from plants. Aphids have a Jungian aversion to open water, and the presence of the boat implies a nearby regatta.”]]

[[Rope: “2. Ordinary parcel twine can be used to tie saplings to posts, rather than some kind of special gardening twine. It’s not like you’re going to use it for parcels. The only people who still tie parcels with twine are grandmothers, and that’s only because the mail clerks feel bad yelling at them to knock it off.”]]

[[The hollow top half of a ball: “3. Instead of discarding the half-balls left over from a game of slice-the-ball-in-the-garden, use them to cap off leaky sprinklers or plug gopher holes. The rubber balls are biodegradable, given a long enough timeline.”]]

[[A contraption with black paper sticking out: “4. X-ray viewers are great for spot-checking leaves for suspicious veining. Good gardens need a lot of work and attention.”]]

[[A strange-looking lipstick: “5. No need to get dolled up any longer, now that your obssessive (sic) gardening has killed romance? Use that lipstick to mark crop rows in the vegetable garden. The oily stain will serve as a warning to the sprouting plants never to set their sights too high.”]]

[[The lid to the lipstick: “6. The lid to the lipstick can catch tears, which, instead of wasted on him, can be put to use for irrigation!”]]

[[A bulb: “7. Now that you’re ‘going green’ and harvesting your earwax to make biodiesel, you won’t need this ear-cleaning bulb anymore. Plant it and see if it grows. It’s not a dumber idea than staying in this marriage.”]]

[[A conveyor belt: “8. He paid $200 for this five years ago and never even used it. Throw it in the garden and see if he even notices it’s gone.”]]

[[A whistle: “9. Blow this whisle in joy if he ever bothers to ask how the garden is coming. Screw baseball season.”]]

{{alt-text: A gardening tool is just any possession you don’t mind irreparably soiling, CHARLES}}

The Tinkerer’s Handbook, Page 6 (of 8) transcribed by in

[[A banner reads: "A purposeful use of what society would discard"]]

[[The headline reads: "Non-traditional gardening tools. Rather than spending for specialized implements, use these household items:" Several numbered pictures are displayed.]]

[[A headline lower down reads "Tools Guide." Numbered paragraphs describe the referenced pictures.]]

[[Of a sailboat: "1. Model sailboat can be used to repel aphids from plants. Aphids have a Jungian aversion to open water, and the presence of the boat implies a nearby regatta."]]

[[Rope: "2. Ordinary parcel twine can be used to tie saplings to posts, rather than some kind of special gardening twine. It's not like you're going to use it for parcels. The only people who still tie parcels with twine are grandmothers, and that's only because the mail clerks feel bad yelling at them to knock it off."]]

[[The hollow top half of a ball: "3. Instead of discarding the half-balls left over from a game of slice-the-ball-in-the-garden, use them to cap off leaky sprinklers or plug gopher holes. The rubber balls are biodegradable, given a long enough timeline."]]

[[A contraption with black paper sticking out: "4. X-ray viewers are great for spot-checking leaves for suspicious veining. Good gardens need a lot of work and attention."]]

[[A strange-looking lipstick: "5. No need to get dolled up any longer, now that your obssessive (sic) gardening has killed romance? Use that lipstick to mark crop rows in the vegetable garden. The oily stain will serve as a warning to the sprouting plants never to set their sights too high."]]

[[The lid to the lipstick: "6. The lid to the lipstick can catch tears, which, instead of wasted on him, can be put to use for irrigation!"]]

[[A bulb: "7. Now that you're 'going green' and harvesting your earwax to make biodiesel, you won't need this ear-cleaning bulb anymore. Plant it and see if it grows. It's not a dumber idea than staying in this marriage."]]

[[A conveyor belt: "8. He paid $200 for this five years ago and never even used it. Throw it in the garden and see if he even notices it's gone."]]

[[A whistle: "9. Blow this whisle in joy if he ever bothers to ask how the garden is coming. Screw baseball season."]]

{{alt-text: A gardening tool is just any possession you don't mind irreparably soiling, CHARLES}}

A gardening tool is just any possession you don't mind irreparably soiling, CHARLES

The Tinkerer’s Handbook, Page 6 (of 8)

— May 4th, 2011

[ Tags: craft, diagrams, tinkerer ] Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/tink6/

(Start from Page 1.)

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

September 2, 2026 by David Malki !

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!

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