Comic Transcripts

[[Two women are in a kitchen. Woman 1 is cooking with a frying pan over a stove. Woman 2 is working at a table nearby.]]

Woman 1: Look! I take a runny, slimy egg. Inedible, you say? I shall expose it to fire! Aha! The egg is now firm! The very same egg!

Woman 1: This bacon is likewise soft and horrible. Yet observe how I turn it delicious! Nonstop crackling and popping! The classic smell of breakfast! A veritable fireworks show of grease! All from an inert piece of meat! I’ll never tell how it’s done!

Woman 1: [[from off-panel, Woman 2 is in panel]] Easy, you say. Child’s play, you might think. But what about this! A pile of raw hashed potatoes, completely white, as you’d expect. But watch carefully! I’ve always loved your brown eyes, my dear… Would you like potatoes to match? Kapow! No mirrors, no tricks! The potatoes have genuinely turned brown!

Woman 2: I do believe I understand how cooking works, yes.
Woman 1: You may call it cooking but I call it wizardry

{{header: fry up some WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: for the last time, it’s not a ‘cauldron,’ it’s just a ‘saucepan’}}

#867; That Ol’ Kitchen Magic transcribed by in

[[Two women are in a kitchen. Woman 1 is cooking with a frying pan over a stove. Woman 2 is working at a table nearby.]]

Woman 1: Look! I take a runny, slimy egg. Inedible, you say? I shall expose it to fire! Aha! The egg is now firm! The very same egg!

Woman 1: This bacon is likewise soft and horrible. Yet observe how I turn it delicious! Nonstop crackling and popping! The classic smell of breakfast! A veritable fireworks show of grease! All from an inert piece of meat! I’ll never tell how it’s done!

Woman 1: [[from off-panel, Woman 2 is in panel]] Easy, you say. Child’s play, you might think. But what about this! A pile of raw hashed potatoes, completely white, as you’d expect. But watch carefully! I’ve always loved your brown eyes, my dear… Would you like potatoes to match? Kapow! No mirrors, no tricks! The potatoes have genuinely turned brown!

Woman 2: I do believe I understand how cooking works, yes.
Woman 1: You may call it cooking but I call it wizardry

{{header: fry up some WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: for the last time, it’s not a ‘cauldron,’ it’s just a ‘saucepan’}}

#867; That Ol’ Kitchen Magic transcribed by in

[[Two women are in a kitchen. Woman 1 is cooking with a frying pan over a stove. Woman 2 is working at a table nearby.]]

Woman 1: Look! I take a runny, slimy egg. Inedible, you say? I shall expose it to fire! Aha! The egg is now firm! The very same egg!

Woman 1: This bacon is likewise soft and horrible. Yet observe how I turn it delicious! Nonstop crackling and popping! The classic smell of breakfast! A veritable fireworks show of grease! All from an inert piece of meat! I'll never tell how it's done!

Woman 1: [[from off-panel, Woman 2 is in panel]] Easy, you say. Child's play, you might think. But what about this! A pile of raw hashed potatoes, completely white, as you'd expect. But watch carefully! I've always loved your brown eyes, my dear... Would you like potatoes to match? Kapow! No mirrors, no tricks! The potatoes have genuinely turned brown!

Woman 2: I do believe I understand how cooking works, yes.
Woman 1: You may call it cooking but I call it wizardry

{{header: fry up some WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: for the last time, it's not a 'cauldron,' it's just a 'saucepan'}}

for the last time, it's not a 'cauldron,' it's just a 'saucepan'

#867; That Ol’ Kitchen Magic

  — September 7th, 2012

[ Tags: , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/867/

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My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

September 2, 2026 by David Malki !

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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