Look, it's not that it makes sense. It's that it wins games. I think, anyway. I've never really tracked it.

True Stuff: 1939 Beard Photo-Spread; Haselden cartoons

After I announced my ‘Hierarchy of Beards’ poster, a fine Marksman named Dan I. shared the following with me. It’s a Beard Photo-Spread from the April 24, 1939 issue of LIFE magazine, full of such gems as the “Norse Skipper”, “Oom Paul Kruger Beard”, and “Double Spitzbart”. The best part is that, as far as I can tell, these are more-or-less accurate names, unlike mine, which are 100% invented from whole cloth. But in a few cases I wasn’t far off! Take a look (click for bigger):

   
(Full transcription of the text on page 2 is after the cut, below.)

I also recently stumbled across the work of cartoonist William Kerridge Haselden (1872-1953), who drew spot gags and editorial cartoons for the UK’s Daily Mirror from 1903 to 1940. The University of Kent has a fine archive of Haselden’s Mirror cartoons; here’s a few from 1907-16 dealing specifically with the issue of wild and variable beard-stylings:

Many more may be found at the British Cartoon Archive.

Finally, I was also made aware this week of a beard-chart similar in tone to mine in the pages of The Affected Provincial’s Companion, a book that will require its own entry on this blog someday:

The only conclusion I can draw from all this is that there is clearly a desperate need for as many facial-hair taxonomies as possible. It reminds me of the Age of Exploration, when rival map-makers would ornament the New World with unique details to make their maps more appealing than the competition, but everyone was working mostly from scribbled sailors’ notes and conjecture.

One day, perhaps not in my lifetime, we will enter an era of satellite beard-imagery and Global Moustache System mapping that will allow Rand McNally and the National Geographic Society and The Mercator Consortium to publish accurate-to-the-square-meter surveys of the lumpy beard-scape all around us. But until then, in these wild and woolly frontier-days of roughshod beard-classifying, I’m glad I’m right at the bleeding edge of the straight-razor. Enjoy!

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Holiday merch making the rounds!

Here’s Wondermark holiday cards in the London Telegraph

And the new ‘Hierarchy of Beards’ poster on BoingBoing and Andrew Sullivan

(psst: here’s a larger version of that poster image for your perusing pleasure)

Domestic orders for either should be placed within the week to ensure delivery by Christmas! If you are not concerned about such things, you may order whenever you like. If you have already ordered, you are my personal hero and I love you.

Soon I will be able to stop talking about merchandise! Just…not quite yet. In the meantime there is this, which gives my wife the major giggles at every single opportunity:

(here’s the direct video link for readers on feeds)

NOW SHIPPING: ‘Hierarchy of Beards’ Poster!

It’s here! The poster-sized expansion of my ‘Beard Spotting Guide’ from Beards of our Forefathers.


You can also buy it in a bundle with Carly’s and my Futurism poster and save 10% on the whole deal.

To reiterate: This product is sold from and shipped by TopatoCo, which also sells my T-shirts. Purchases from TopatoCo are processed entirely separately from my in-house store, which sells holiday cards, books, and gift items. However, it should be reiterated that purchases from either should be made with a certain, shall we say, vitesse, as the Post Office can only deliver things so fast. All non-U.S. orders should use Priority or Express shipping to have any chance of arriving by Christmas. Unfortunately the world is rather large, and we must deal with the ramifications.

Domestic orders can continue to be placed for the next week or so! Hooray for beards!

Gift ideas created by my friends!

Assuming you’ve already got copies of all my books — both my comic strip collections and my parody Victorian novels — and perhaps even a Wondermark T-shirt or two…well, you probably think I’ve got nothing more for you this holiday season! You, my close personal friend, are dead wrong.

First, I have a hearty “thank you!” from my warm, rent-paid-up household to yours. This is my job, thanks to kind folks like you. Hooray!

Second, I know for a fact that you don’t want to go to the mall, you don’t want to fight for parking…but neither do you want to just browse Amazon like a sluggard and hope you stumble across the perfect gift for all the weirdos on your shopping list. That’s where I can do you a favor, with the following fine list of Gift Recommendations that are Wonderfully Creative and Unique and also Help My Colleagues Not Starve. After all, you’re the one about whom everyone’s always saying, “Where do you find all these bizarre and wonderful gifts?” Don’t worry…your secret’s safe with me!

For the book lover who’s already got a framed print of this strip, the “Unshelved” book bag is hard to resist. Also check out their T-shirts — my wife’s got several and they always get appreciative bibliophile double-takes (or maybe that’s just my wife).

Poop sign. Great stocking stuffer? Probably won’t fit. Great everything-else stuffer? ‘Nuff said.

Jon Rosenberg’s “Goats” is soon to be a 3-book graphic novel series from Del Rey, and he’s offering some limited-edition, signed & numbered archival prints of artwork created for the first volume, Infinite Typewriters. Really lovely!

Indigo Kelleigh’s designed his own 8-bit tarot cards in a colorful, retro-Nintendo style. These cards are also printed in limited edition.

Next week: book reviews!

True Stuff: Editorial Cartoons from 1870

These “True Stuff from Old Books” entries are from Punchinello magazine, 1870. Punchinello was a short-lived New York City spinoff of the popular British satirical weekly Punch, and like its cousin across the pond, it championed the causes of a new and growing demographic — an urban literate middle-class — while skewering the pompous in politics and society.

An example (click any of the images in this post for bigger versions):

The title reads, “A DISTINCTION WITH A DIFFERENCE.” The dismembered veterans are labeled “HEROES OF THE WAR”; the glove-toting businessman, “HE ROSE BY THE WAR.” Behind the businessman is a partially-readable sign reading “Shoddy Whole[sale] Cheap Cloth[ing].”

As long as there has been war, apparently, there have been businesses it has made prosperous.

This second cartoon is pretty self-explanatory: Uncle Sam’s being crushed by the weights of year after year of income tax in a scene reminiscent of the Spanish Inquisition; the Inquisitors are President Grant and members of his Cabinet. The caption reads:

THE FINANCIAL INQUISITION.
Grand Inquisitor, U. S. Grant. Associate Inquisitors, G. S. Boutwell, F. E. Spinner, John Sherman. Executioner, C. Delano.
ASSOCIATE SHERMAN. “Well, well, Uncle Sam does stand a good deal of pressure. Executioner, keep piling the weights on.”

(Secretary of the Interior Columbus Delano, on the right, has in his pocket a paper reading ‘Delano Int. Rev.’)

Probably the least subtle editorial cartoon ever drawn. Next, two figures have tea:

FINANCIAL RELIEF.
MR. BUMBLE BOUTWELL TO MRS. CORNEY FISH. (See Oliver Twist.) “The great principle of financial relief is to give the business men exactly what they don’t want : then they get tired of coming.”

Behind the figures are: A drawing labeled “Plan of Alms House for Ruined Merchants”; a birdcage labeled “Golden Eagle, Moulting”; a run-down model ship labeled “U.S. Commerce”; and a weeping statue labeled “Mercantile Stagnation.” One might get the impression that this was a lean time for American business.

Upon first read, I interpreted this comic in the light of our current financial situation. “Hmm, things really are cyclical,” I thought. “Businesses in danger of failing come to the government for bailout.” It seemed like the cartoonist was scoffing at the businessmen with their outstretched hands, and advocating a method to get them to go away: just don’t give them what they beg for. “Hah!” thought I. “The analog to today is: No bailout! Reap what you sow, automakers et al! How relevant a comic this is — I should love to post it on my blogue.”

However, on second read and further examination of the context, I don’t think that’s what the cartoonist was saying at all. Punchinello had a lot to say in 1870 about what its editorial board saw as oppressive taxation — another cartoon, not reprinted here, depicted a host of tariffs, excise fees, dock taxes etc. as barnacles preventing merchant ships from leaving port and earning money. In the above cartoon, the figure on the right is George S. Boutwell, Secretary of the Treasury, seen earlier in the Inquisition; on the left is Hamilton Fish, Grant’s Secretary of State. They’re here portrayed as two of the villains from Oliver Twist, Mr Bumble and Mrs Corney, ready to ride honest American merchants like orphans in a workhouse. A far sight less subtle than my initial interpretation, perhaps.

The most interesting thing to me, however, is to compare the cartoons’ doom-and-gloom to the actual historical record. President Grant and his Cabinet presided over a country rebuilding from the Civil War; they would face a severe economic crisis down the road in 1873, which would lead to a six-year depression, but by 1870 Grant was lowering taxes, Boutwell was streamlining the federal government, and despite a scandal implicating Grant in a scheme by speculators to corner the gold market in 1869 (which would, in fact, be the cause of the 1873 crisis), American credit abroad was better than ever and the national debt was being paid off at a rapid rate.

Some people just love to be contrarian.

Finally, this:

SOCIAL SCIENCE.
Lecturer. “There is a cumulative approximativeness, so to speak, a period when the recalcitrant corpuscles begin to” —
Stenographer. “Con-found the fellow ! I knew he’d break my pencil with his infernal jaw-smashers!”

Oh man I love this one so much. “Jaw-smashers”! I’m gonna bring that back.


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