Comic Transcripts

MAGGIE: Honey, we have to teach the baby Portuguese.
JOHN: Dare I ask why? / MAGGIE: I was just thinking…the Millie Spangler type is big into teaching babies Mandarin, so they can compete in the future global economy.
MAGGIE: So…in twenty years the Chinese business world will be flooded with these kids! If we want to stay one step ahead, we have to get Billy in good stead for the next big powerhouse. BRAZIL. / JOHN: “One step ahead?” You mean, if we want to one-up Millie Spangler. / MAGGIE: She’s beat us on homebirth. She’s beat us on preschool. John. This is our only chance.
[[Later]] MAGGIE: Millie! How are you? How’s the baby? / Millie: Just wonderful! We’ve been teaching him Lingala, so he’ll be uniquely qualified to do humanitarian work in the Congo. / MAGGIE: But… / MILLIE: CHECK AND MATE

{{header: jump ahead at WONDERMARK.com}}
{{alt-text: It’s okay. We still have time to ensure that Billy becomes a world-class cellist. I DON’T CARE THAT THIS IS HARDLY A SUSTAINABLE CAREER IT SOUNDS IMPORTANT}}

#577; Children are a Weapon transcribed by in

MAGGIE: Honey, we have to teach the baby Portuguese.
JOHN: Dare I ask why? / MAGGIE: I was just thinking…the Millie Spangler type is big into teaching babies Mandarin, so they can compete in the future global economy.
MAGGIE: So…in twenty years the Chinese business world will be flooded with these kids! If we want to stay one step ahead, we have to get Billy in good stead for the next big powerhouse. BRAZIL. / JOHN: “One step ahead?” You mean, if we want to one-up Millie Spangler. / MAGGIE: She’s beat us on homebirth. She’s beat us on preschool. John. This is our only chance.
[[Later]] MAGGIE: Millie! How are you? How’s the baby? / Millie: Just wonderful! We’ve been teaching him Lingala, so he’ll be uniquely qualified to do humanitarian work in the Congo. / MAGGIE: But… / MILLIE: CHECK AND MATE

{{header: jump ahead at WONDERMARK.com}}
{{alt-text: It’s okay. We still have time to ensure that Billy becomes a world-class cellist. I DON’T CARE THAT THIS IS HARDLY A SUSTAINABLE CAREER IT SOUNDS IMPORTANT}}

#577; Children are a Weapon transcribed by in

MAGGIE: Honey, we have to teach the baby Portuguese.
JOHN: Dare I ask why? / MAGGIE: I was just thinking...the Millie Spangler type is big into teaching babies Mandarin, so they can compete in the future global economy.
MAGGIE: So...in twenty years the Chinese business world will be flooded with these kids! If we want to stay one step ahead, we have to get Billy in good stead for the next big powerhouse. BRAZIL. / JOHN: "One step ahead?" You mean, if we want to one-up Millie Spangler. / MAGGIE: She's beat us on homebirth. She's beat us on preschool. John. This is our only chance.
[[Later]] MAGGIE: Millie! How are you? How's the baby? / Millie: Just wonderful! We've been teaching him Lingala, so he'll be uniquely qualified to do humanitarian work in the Congo. / MAGGIE: But... / MILLIE: CHECK AND MATE

{{header: jump ahead at WONDERMARK.com}}
{{alt-text: It's okay. We still have time to ensure that Billy becomes a world-class cellist. I DON'T CARE THAT THIS IS HARDLY A SUSTAINABLE CAREER IT SOUNDS IMPORTANT}}

It's okay. We still have time to ensure that Billy becomes a world-class classical cellist. I DON'T CARE THAT THAT IS HARDLY A SUSTAINABLE CAREER IT SOUNDS IMPORTANT

#577; Children are a Weapon

  — December 8th, 2009

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Applications open for Genius Northwest – an IRL gaming competition

May 8, 2026 by David Malki !

Last year, I participated in Genius Northwest, a gaming competition inspired by the Korean gameshow The Genius and its ilk.

It’s a reality show without the cameras — a 3-day, all-inclusive weekend retreat structured around a series of challenges and puzzles, in which personalities and dealmaking matter as much as playing games.

It’s truly a remarkable thing. I came in dead last in the competition, but I still had a great time participating.

The event is held annually in the Pacific Northwest (hence the name) and applications are now open to participate in the 2026 competition!

Learn more — and apply — at GeniusNW.com.


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