Comic Transcripts

Man: All right, let’s see how you taste.

Woman: You been eating some pretty weird stuff lately. You on that Bronze Age diet?
Man: Nah, I’m part of a survey group. Bunch of scientists track what I eat for a couple years. Then they put all the data together and say “ten percent of the coffee drinkers contracted cancer” or whatever.

Woman: Trying to find what contributes to illnesses.
Man: Yeah. But I couldn’t take it. Every time I had a Snickers I’d think, “Is this it? Is this the one that gives me leukemia?”

Man: So I got a new idea. I’m planning to die of some super-rare disease — like, SO rare they NAME it after me. And I’m also gonna eat the stupidest stuff I can find.

Man:That way I leave the scientists scratching their heads – “Well, he ate twenty pounds of cucumbers every day for ten years, then died of this previously unknown liver disease.” Eat THAT, scientists! Metaphorically, of course.
Woman: Well, it’s good to have goals!

[[Ten Years Later]]
Doctor: You have terminal prostate cancer.
Man: BOO-RRRING

{{header: take note of WONDERMARK.COM]]
{{alt-text: supposedly the cucumber is the only food that contains every necessary nutrient, albeit in trace amounts for some. so if you’re going to restrict yourself to a single food, twenty pounds of cucumbers is a reasonably smart choice.}}

#553; In which a Study is stymied transcribed by in

Man: All right, let’s see how you taste.

Woman: You been eating some pretty weird stuff lately. You on that Bronze Age diet?
Man: Nah, I’m part of a survey group. Bunch of scientists track what I eat for a couple years. Then they put all the data together and say “ten percent of the coffee drinkers contracted cancer” or whatever.

Woman: Trying to find what contributes to illnesses.
Man: Yeah. But I couldn’t take it. Every time I had a Snickers I’d think, “Is this it? Is this the one that gives me leukemia?”

Man: So I got a new idea. I’m planning to die of some super-rare disease — like, SO rare they NAME it after me. And I’m also gonna eat the stupidest stuff I can find.

Man:That way I leave the scientists scratching their heads – “Well, he ate twenty pounds of cucumbers every day for ten years, then died of this previously unknown liver disease.” Eat THAT, scientists! Metaphorically, of course.
Woman: Well, it’s good to have goals!

[[Ten Years Later]]
Doctor: You have terminal prostate cancer.
Man: BOO-RRRING

{{header: take note of WONDERMARK.COM]]
{{alt-text: supposedly the cucumber is the only food that contains every necessary nutrient, albeit in trace amounts for some. so if you’re going to restrict yourself to a single food, twenty pounds of cucumbers is a reasonably smart choice.}}

#553; In which a Study is stymied transcribed by in

Man: All right, let's see how you taste.

Woman: You been eating some pretty weird stuff lately. You on that Bronze Age diet?
Man: Nah, I'm part of a survey group. Bunch of scientists track what I eat for a couple years. Then they put all the data together and say "ten percent of the coffee drinkers contracted cancer" or whatever.

Woman: Trying to find what contributes to illnesses.
Man: Yeah. But I couldn't take it. Every time I had a Snickers I'd think, "Is this it? Is this the one that gives me leukemia?"

Man: So I got a new idea. I'm planning to die of some super-rare disease -- like, SO rare they NAME it after me. And I'm also gonna eat the stupidest stuff I can find.

Man:That way I leave the scientists scratching their heads - "Well, he ate twenty pounds of cucumbers every day for ten years, then died of this previously unknown liver disease." Eat THAT, scientists! Metaphorically, of course.
Woman: Well, it's good to have goals!

[[Ten Years Later]]
Doctor: You have terminal prostate cancer.
Man: BOO-RRRING

{{header: take note of WONDERMARK.COM]]
{{alt-text: supposedly the cucumber is the only food that contains every necessary nutrient, albeit in trace amounts for some. so if you're going to restrict yourself to a single food, twenty pounds of cucumbers is a reasonably smart choice.}}

supposedly the cucumber is the only food that contains every necessary nutrient, albeit only in trace amounts for some. so if you're going to restrict yourself to a single food, twenty pounds of cucumbers is a reasonably smart choice.

#553; In which a Study is stymied

  — September 18th, 2009

[ Tags: , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/553/

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My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

September 2, 2026 by David Malki !

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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