Comic Transcripts

[[A courtroom scene. A man, BLATHERTON, addresses a jury while gesturing toward a bearded man, GRIMWALD, who sits at a table. Maybe the witness stand? Not entirely clear.]]

BLATHERTON: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury!
BLATHERTON: I would like to LIST the acts this man has FREELY ADMITTED TO!!

BLATHERTON: FACT! This man lured people into his LAIR. FACT! The victims were DRUGGED, rendering them unable to defend themselves.
BLATHERTON: FACT! This man then SLASHED open the victims’ bodies with a razor-sharp knife. FACT! His hands DRIPPING with the victims’ blood, he literally CUT OUT THEIR HEARTS while they were STILL ALIVE.

BLATHERTON: But this sick ritual was not over! FACT! This man then REPLACED his victims’ hearts with ones TAKEN FROM CORPSES!!
BLATHERTON: Sometimes his victims DIED from the trauma! Other times they regained consciousness with NO MEMORY of the gruesome procedure, and managed to escape — with THE HEART OF A DEAD STRANGER TRAPPED IN THEIR BODY!

BLATHERTON: And he was PAID by OBAMACARE to do it!!
GRIMWALD: I feel it must be mentioned that I am, in fact, a heart surgeon
BLATHERTON: YOU don’t get to decide what I find deplorable!!

{{header: up in arms at WONDERMARK.COM}}

#1163; An Account of the Offense transcribed by in

[[A courtroom scene. A man, BLATHERTON, addresses a jury while gesturing toward a bearded man, GRIMWALD, who sits at a table. Maybe the witness stand? Not entirely clear.]]

BLATHERTON: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury!
BLATHERTON: I would like to LIST the acts this man has FREELY ADMITTED TO!!

BLATHERTON: FACT! This man lured people into his LAIR. FACT! The victims were DRUGGED, rendering them unable to defend themselves.
BLATHERTON: FACT! This man then SLASHED open the victims' bodies with a razor-sharp knife. FACT! His hands DRIPPING with the victims' blood, he literally CUT OUT THEIR HEARTS while they were STILL ALIVE.

BLATHERTON: But this sick ritual was not over! FACT! This man then REPLACED his victims' hearts with ones TAKEN FROM CORPSES!!
BLATHERTON: Sometimes his victims DIED from the trauma! Other times they regained consciousness with NO MEMORY of the gruesome procedure, and managed to escape -- with THE HEART OF A DEAD STRANGER TRAPPED IN THEIR BODY!

BLATHERTON: And he was PAID by OBAMACARE to do it!!
GRIMWALD: I feel it must be mentioned that I am, in fact, a heart surgeon
BLATHERTON: YOU don't get to decide what I find deplorable!!

{{header: up in arms at WONDERMARK.COM}}

If he had EATEN the hearts, I could at least understand the hunter's mindset -- but he THREW THEM AWAY like it was so much SPORT!!

#1163; An Account of the Offense

  — October 2nd, 2015

[ Tags: , , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/1163/

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Applications open for Genius Northwest – an IRL gaming competition

May 8, 2026 by David Malki !

Last year, I participated in Genius Northwest, a gaming competition inspired by the Korean gameshow The Genius and its ilk.

It’s a reality show without the cameras — a 3-day, all-inclusive weekend retreat structured around a series of challenges and puzzles, in which personalities and dealmaking matter as much as playing games.

It’s truly a remarkable thing. I came in dead last in the competition, but I still had a great time participating.

The event is held annually in the Pacific Northwest (hence the name) and applications are now open to participate in the 2026 competition!

Learn more — and apply — at GeniusNW.com.


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