Another promo I made for the movie Expendable.
David Malki !
Drawing: IT’S BEARS IN ILL-FITTING HATS TIME
My new best friend ‘halcyonsnow’ has a Flickr set full of bears in ill-fitting hats. As you know, said ursines avec chapeaux are part of my plan to dominate 2008. I don’t know if this is one of those Flickr things that you people can add to, or however it works, but all I want for Christmas are more pictures of bears in ill-fitting hats floating around on the internet. Seriously, that’s it. Go to it.
I’m pleased to announce that my bears-in-ill-fitting-hats meme is starting to take off! There’s now a public Flickr group, to which Ape Lad (of the great Laugh-Out-Loud Cats) and others have made delightful contributions, and I’ve just been told that there’s a Facebook group as well. I don’t know what Facebook groups are for, but if they’re for anything at all, then dammit they need to be for bears in ill-fitting hats. You guys are making my holiday dreams come true, one bear in an ill-fitting hat at a time.
’08 IS GONNA BE GRRRR-EAT
Writing: My words in the New York Times
Niche audience alert! I’m guessing MAYBE 0.1% of readers will be served by the following bit of trivia: in this week’s New York Times “Stuart Elliott’s In Advertising” email newsletter, the anonymous spoof question — the one Mr. Elliott called “delightful” and “a good note on which to end the Q&A’s for the year” — was written by me.
New York Times, baby!
Writing: The Fourth Pac-Man Ghost Posts on Craigslist
Rejected by McSweeney’s:
The Fourth Pac-Man Ghost Posts on Craigslist
Bike for sale – $50 (bicycles):
10-speed bike for sale. It’s blue — sorry, I don’t know much about bikes. Great condition, never used. I got it as a gift but unfortunately have no legs.
Yellow sweater at Starbucks (missed connections):
You: Gorgeous brunette, trendy sunglasses, legs for days. Me: Orange ghost. Coffee?
Take over my lease! (rooms & shares):
Looking for college student or other to take over my spot in cozy 4-person unit. Roommates are only home intermittently throughout the day. Few amenities, but centrally located. Neighborhood is a real maze though.
life in the rat race (rants & raves):
work used to be fun back when i got to make kids smile…but my only clients nowadays are smelly maladjusted man-child nerds…i hate my co-workers…such jerks…never live with the same people you work with…you have no privacy…and the worst part is…i can’t even masturbate
i have no genitalia
Looking for Exciting Job (resumes / job wanted):
Current gig is getting repetitive so I’m looking for something new. Travel, new horizons a plus. Resume below.
(1980-present): Ghost
Member of elite security team for pharmaceutical concern.
Duties include: Guarding pills, running around, light clerical.
Blender/smoothie maker (items wanted):
Used is fine. I gotta start doing something with all this damn fruit. It’s just going to waste.
sub seeking big asian dom (casual encounters):
looking for someone big and yellow to chase ME around for a while