Comic Transcripts

Lady: Ahh, I cut my finger on this stupid zipper!
Lady: I guess I gotta be more careful.

Lawyer: Perhaps the zipper is at fault! Are you hurt badly?
Lady: No, in fact it’s already healed.
Lawyer: Any zipper that can nick flesh might also maim flesh!
Lawyer: And millions of people use these dangerous zippers every day! The potential for serious injury is staggering.

Lawyer: Would you be interested in participating in a class action? To punish the zipper company for is cavalier pursuit of never-ending profits at the expense of ordinary, hardworking, zipper-reliant citizens like yourself?
Lawyer: You could be entitled to a cash settlement. With enough defendants, we’d be talking about millions.

[[Three years later]]
Lawyer: Good news! The court has ordered the Y.K.K. Zipper Corporation to pay fifty million dollars!
Lawyer: Split among two million defendants, that’s a cool nine bucks cash for your, my friend!
Woman: … That only accounts for eighteen million dollars. What about the rest.
Lawyer: Well, you know.
Lawyer: FEES

{{header: settle up with WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Look, I got problems too! This settlement has pushed me into a very inconvenient tax bracket!}}

#597; An Act of Altruism transcribed by in

Lady: Ahh, I cut my finger on this stupid zipper!
Lady: I guess I gotta be more careful.

Lawyer: Perhaps the zipper is at fault! Are you hurt badly?
Lady: No, in fact it’s already healed.
Lawyer: Any zipper that can nick flesh might also maim flesh!
Lawyer: And millions of people use these dangerous zippers every day! The potential for serious injury is staggering.

Lawyer: Would you be interested in participating in a class action? To punish the zipper company for is cavalier pursuit of never-ending profits at the expense of ordinary, hardworking, zipper-reliant citizens like yourself?
Lawyer: You could be entitled to a cash settlement. With enough defendants, we’d be talking about millions.

[[Three years later]]
Lawyer: Good news! The court has ordered the Y.K.K. Zipper Corporation to pay fifty million dollars!
Lawyer: Split among two million defendants, that’s a cool nine bucks cash for your, my friend!
Woman: … That only accounts for eighteen million dollars. What about the rest.
Lawyer: Well, you know.
Lawyer: FEES

{{header: settle up with WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Look, I got problems too! This settlement has pushed me into a very inconvenient tax bracket!}}

#597; An Act of Altruism transcribed by in

Lady: Ahh, I cut my finger on this stupid zipper!
Lady: I guess I gotta be more careful.

Lawyer: Perhaps the zipper is at fault! Are you hurt badly?
Lady: No, in fact it's already healed.
Lawyer: Any zipper that can nick flesh might also maim flesh!
Lawyer: And millions of people use these dangerous zippers every day! The potential for serious injury is staggering.

Lawyer: Would you be interested in participating in a class action? To punish the zipper company for is cavalier pursuit of never-ending profits at the expense of ordinary, hardworking, zipper-reliant citizens like yourself?
Lawyer: You could be entitled to a cash settlement. With enough defendants, we'd be talking about millions.

[[Three years later]]
Lawyer: Good news! The court has ordered the Y.K.K. Zipper Corporation to pay fifty million dollars!
Lawyer: Split among two million defendants, that's a cool nine bucks cash for your, my friend!
Woman: ... That only accounts for eighteen million dollars. What about the rest.
Lawyer: Well, you know.
Lawyer: FEES

{{header: settle up with WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Look, I got problems too! This settlement has pushed me into a very inconvenient tax bracket!}}

Look, I got problems too! This settlement has pushed me into a very inconvenient tax bracket!

#597; An Act of Altruism

  — February 19th, 2010

[ Tags: , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/597/

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Applications open for Genius Northwest – an IRL gaming competition

May 8, 2026 by David Malki !

Last year, I participated in Genius Northwest, a gaming competition inspired by the Korean gameshow The Genius and its ilk.

It’s a reality show without the cameras — a 3-day, all-inclusive weekend retreat structured around a series of challenges and puzzles, in which personalities and dealmaking matter as much as playing games.

It’s truly a remarkable thing. I came in dead last in the competition, but I still had a great time participating.

The event is held annually in the Pacific Northwest (hence the name) and applications are now open to participate in the 2026 competition!

Learn more — and apply — at GeniusNW.com.


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