Comic Transcripts

[[An upset-looking individual accosts a custodian, who is holding a mop above a bucket.]]
Pedestrian: Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! The FLOOR is WET!
Custodian: Well, I’m… mopping?
Pedestrian: WELL, if I had walked OVER it, I might have fallen!

Pedestrian: What if I didn’t see the puddle? What if my arms had been full of GROCERIES, or I had been DISTRACTED by talking on the phone? I could have been SERIOUSLY HURT!

Custodian: Yes — but — none of those things happened
Pedestrian: What if this water had been GASOLINE? And I had been SMOKING?
Pedestrian: WHAT if it had BEEN a FOOT-DEEP POOL of GASOLINE?

Pedestrian: What if it was an elaborate series of GASOLINE CANALS spelling out RACIAL SLURS?
Pedestrian: What a DISGRACE. You DISGUST me.
Custodian: If ANYTHING was a foot-deep gasoline canal spelling out racial slurs, it’d be disgusting. The same would be true of your LIVING ROOM.

Custodian: But… since it’s not… it’s NOT?
Pedestrian: If this entire STREET were filled with gigantic birds bellowing demonic squawks with their FEATHERS on fire, I — I just don’t know what I’d do. I’d FREAK out.

Pedestrian: I’d probably DIE. I’d die RIGHT HERE on the sidewalk. I’M ALLERGIC TO FEATHERS!!
Custodian: Okay, hold on just a second, now I’m taking notes

{{header: trip over WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: dear mr malki, if you were to replace ‘mopping’ in this comic with running for french parliament, well, you can see how the logic completely falls apart}}

#1124; Mind the Everything transcribed by in

[[An upset-looking individual accosts a custodian, who is holding a mop above a bucket.]]
Pedestrian: Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! The FLOOR is WET!
Custodian: Well, I'm... mopping?
Pedestrian: WELL, if I had walked OVER it, I might have fallen!

Pedestrian: What if I didn't see the puddle? What if my arms had been full of GROCERIES, or I had been DISTRACTED by talking on the phone? I could have been SERIOUSLY HURT!

Custodian: Yes -- but -- none of those things happened
Pedestrian: What if this water had been GASOLINE? And I had been SMOKING?
Pedestrian: WHAT if it had BEEN a FOOT-DEEP POOL of GASOLINE?

Pedestrian: What if it was an elaborate series of GASOLINE CANALS spelling out RACIAL SLURS?
Pedestrian: What a DISGRACE. You DISGUST me.
Custodian: If ANYTHING was a foot-deep gasoline canal spelling out racial slurs, it'd be disgusting. The same would be true of your LIVING ROOM.

Custodian: But... since it's not... it's NOT?
Pedestrian: If this entire STREET were filled with gigantic birds bellowing demonic squawks with their FEATHERS on fire, I -- I just don't know what I'd do. I'd FREAK out.

Pedestrian: I'd probably DIE. I'd die RIGHT HERE on the sidewalk. I'M ALLERGIC TO FEATHERS!!
Custodian: Okay, hold on just a second, now I'm taking notes

{{header: trip over WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: dear mr malki, if you were to replace 'mopping' in this comic with running for french parliament, well, you can see how the logic completely falls apart}}

dear mr malki, if you were to replace 'mopping' in this comic with running for french parliament, well, you can see how the logic completely falls apart

#1124; Mind the Everything

  — May 12th, 2015

[ Tags: , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/1124/

Buy a Print

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

September 2, 2026 by David Malki !

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


Recent blog posts