Comic Transcripts

[[Sign: Now Hiring! NEXT DOOR REALTY. The “Closer” Company]]
Man: Look at that. Now hiring. You want to be a closer? Or be closer. Not sure which it would be.
Woman: No way. Look at that font. Look at those straight quotes!

Woman: Straight quotes are math symbols. Held over in text from the days of limited typewriter keys. Get with the Times! No pun intended.
Man: Pun?
Woman: The sign. Times New Roman. Geez why did I even marry you.

Woman: Anyone who can’t pay attention to details like using the right quotes, I don’t trust to pay attention to details like, I don’t know, everything involved with buying a house.
Man: What if those are, in fact, entirely different and unrelated fields of expertise? You know about quotes, but you can’t sell a house. What if they’re just as good but in the opposite way?

Woman: Fine. Go buy a house from them. Just don’t come crying to me when all the stairways in the house turn out to actually be ladders.
Man: You’d think that’d be something one would notice during the open house.
Woman: “Oh, we thought it was all the same,” says the agent, showing off a kitchen faucet that’s just a straight pipe shooting water at the ceiling.

{{header: do some curls at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: The closets are trash chutes. The garage is an old well. The doors are simply holes in the ground. At some point it becomes less a question of being confused about quotes as it is being confused about a lot of things.}}

#943; Don’t Give it to Me Straight transcribed by in

[[Sign: Now Hiring! NEXT DOOR REALTY. The "Closer" Company]]
Man: Look at that. Now hiring. You want to be a closer? Or be closer. Not sure which it would be.
Woman: No way. Look at that font. Look at those straight quotes!

Woman: Straight quotes are math symbols. Held over in text from the days of limited typewriter keys. Get with the Times! No pun intended.
Man: Pun?
Woman: The sign. Times New Roman. Geez why did I even marry you.

Woman: Anyone who can't pay attention to details like using the right quotes, I don't trust to pay attention to details like, I don't know, everything involved with buying a house.
Man: What if those are, in fact, entirely different and unrelated fields of expertise? You know about quotes, but you can't sell a house. What if they're just as good but in the opposite way?

Woman: Fine. Go buy a house from them. Just don't come crying to me when all the stairways in the house turn out to actually be ladders.
Man: You'd think that'd be something one would notice during the open house.
Woman: "Oh, we thought it was all the same," says the agent, showing off a kitchen faucet that's just a straight pipe shooting water at the ceiling.

{{header: do some curls at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: The closets are trash chutes. The garage is an old well. The doors are simply holes in the ground. At some point it becomes less a question of being confused about quotes as it is being confused about a lot of things.}}

The closets are trash chutes. The garage is an old well. The doors are simply holes in the ground. At some point it becomes less a question of being confused about quotes as it is being confused about a lot of things.

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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