FOR ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE WORLD. AS PART OF MY COMMUNITY SERVICE.
#683; In which a Line of Questioning is halted




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MISSIVES. (see all)

True Stuff: ‘Women Are Funny That Way’, According to 1927

Perhaps you saw this Onion article from about a year ago: “Area Man’s Intelligence Probably Just Too Intimidating For Most Women”

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It’s hilarious and terrible and I’ve seen it passed around a lot in the last few weeks. Dudes who know everything about everything are of course valuable contributors to society and thank heaven there are so many of them.

In my regular trawling of old-timey nonsense (of which I post a lot to Twitter), I happened across a brief humor column in an issue of Life magazine, 1927.

Somewhere north of 75% of the jokes in 1927 Life magazine are incredibly sexist, including one on the very same page as this piece, so the fact that this one — besides very clearly poking fun at advertising — seems to deflate the suitor’s balloon a bit is notable for the time.

And of course, “the more things change”, etc.

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Women Are Funny That Way

The sign in the barber shop said: “Present a neat appearance. You can win HER by having your hair cut regularly.” Well, it kept me pretty nearly broke, but I visited that barber shop every day.

Then I thought perhaps the trouble lay in my social defects and that I was one of these stupids who never say a word all evening. So I learned French, Spanish, Greek, Crow and Old Crow, Choctaw, Coptic, Cuneiform and Hunt & Pick. I got so cultured up that nobody could pass a wisecrack without my hurling a fast one right back at him.

I drank Listerosis by the gallon, because the advertisement said not to ruin my chances with HER by neglecting it.

You should have seen me delve into Elbert Haldeman-Julius’s Scrapbook. I knew Aristotle as well as Babe Ruth knows his batting average. You have to get next to the best minds of history to be able to knock HER for a loop. I found that out in the magazines.

I became an expert on more musical instruments than Paul Whiteman ever heard of. People used to stand entranced outside my window, under the impression that I was the Street Cleaning Department Band and that Lindbergh had just landed again, or something. You can’t win HER without Art.

I joined all these clubs that prescribe the best book of the month to you. In that way I got four different books every day. A thorough grounding in current literature always goes great with HER. If you don’t believe it I’ll show you the clipping that says so.

That wasn’t the half of what I did to gain HER love.

And still she regards me as something even the cat wouldn’t bring in.

Doesn’t SHE know the rules of the game? What’s the matter with the girl, anyway?

– Tip Bliss.

BONUS ITEM

Here is a comic strip from the same year (1927, a few months later) that I quite enjoyed. Click for a closer look!

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I love that they’ve given over a whole page to this gag!

Previously:



Jigsaw Puzzles are Fully Funded!

I’m very pleased to announce that our Wondermark jigsaw puzzles are now fully funded!

The campaign is still open to backers through October 9, however, so I consulted with my closest adviser to brainstorm some stretch goals, and we thought of a couple.



These Readers Made a Piranhamoose Demolition Derby Car

A few months ago, I got the kind of email that you want to get, when you are in the position I am in.

It began like so:

David,

I am putting together a demo derby car for my wife to run here at the end of August. I was wondering if you would be willing to grant me permission to paint Piranhamoose on it.

My response was:

I’m dismayed that you have not already completed said car so I can see it. This sounds like the best idea I have ever heard of.

The writer was Wondermark reader Justin R., Esq. And a heap of pictures arrived soon thereafter! Justin described the Piranhamoosification thusly:

I started with a 1991 Cadillac Brougham. A steel monster of a Cadillac that began life as the top-of-the-line model that year. The height of luxury.

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We installed a small block Chevy V8 with headers out the hood, an inboard mounted fuel cell, and a semi-truck battery. Couple of safety features, then it was time for the paint.

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I began by taking my favorite two images of the Emperor of the Food Chain. The hood is adapted from the picture on the T-shirt, and the trunk from Captain Pike’s Final Wish.

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I first drew a simple version of your original on drafting paper, before expanding the drawings onto poster board. Then, from the poster board, I razored out stencils and used them to spray paint the outlines.

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Once I layered the colors I wanted, I finished the detail with paint pens. Then I added the “gwarrhh” just for the fun of it.

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The woman in some of the shots is my lovely wife and avid Piranhamoose fan. She is also the driver of this majestic beast.

That was all. Then, in the far-off distance, a sound… Was that a shrieking of metal? A bestial howl to the brackish Yukon moon? The simultaneous roar of a thousand slavering, oil-thirsty mudthusiasts, bearing witness to the ferocity of the beast that put the car back in carnage?

The pictures that followed told the whole grisly tale…

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As promised, here are some “after” photos of the car. It performed in the spirit of the Piranhamoose, devouring many cars before ultimately being brought down. My wife placed sixth in a field of 22.

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Thanks again. Next time it will be Sharkhawk!

Justin, please pass on congratulations to your wife for a fine performance on the field of battle, and congratulations as well to all of us, who have won a prize of sorts just by getting to see this happen. Well done, all.

Previously: Piranhamoose in brass / Piranhamoose in pumpkin / Piranhamoose in lights / Piranhamoose on your body that GLOWS IN THE DARK


Obligatory Puzzle Update: With just under three weeks remaining in the Kickstarter campaign for my Victorian jigsaw puzzles, I am doing a bit of “Viral Marketing”.