Comic Transcripts

[[ELLE holds KEVIN by the hands.]]

ELLE: …Oh, look at the time!  I’d better be getting back, I’m about to turn into a pumpkin.

KEVIN: SERIOUSLY?

KEVIN: H-how does it HAPPEN? Do you turn into a PERSON-shaped pumpkin?  Does your FLESH turn into PUMPKIN FLESH?  What about your ORGANS?

KEVIN: Do your BONES break up into PUMPKIN SEEDS?  Does your hair twist and knot and pull itself up into a STEM?  Do you feel it HAPPENING?

KEVIN: Does it HURT?  Does it distend your body in way that trigger your pain response?  Or is this all somehow just a NATURAL FUNCTION for you?

KEVIN: Do you THINK like a pumpkin?  Do you lose the self-doubt of a person and begin to think mostly about the SUN and SOIL and SINCERITY?

KEVIN: I hope it’s not rude to ask!  It’s just such an unusal thing to encounter!  A PUMPKIN PERSON!

[[Abruptly, Elle is gone and Kevin is now holding a pumpkin.  It’s detached from any plant, is normally sized and shaped, and without blemish or dent.]]

KEVIN:  This is all so BIZARRE!  Where did all your WEIGHT go?  Is NINETY PERCENT of you in some kind of PUMPKIN DIMENSION?

KEVIN:  Will you change BACK?  What kind of SCHEDULE is this on?

KEVIN: Are you still SENTIENT in there? An expressionless consciousness TRAPPED in synapses of orange goo?  WAIT — if I cut you open, will you bee full of PUMPKIN, or VISCERA?  WHAT parts of the LADY become WHAT parts of the PUMPKIN?  OH NO!  Am I TOUCHING you INAPPROPRIATELY right now?

KEVIN:  I’m sorry!  I don’t know where I should and shouldn’t touch a lady-pumpkin!

[[MIKE enters.]]]

MIKE: Kevin, this is the LAST TIME I want to walk in on you TALKING EROTICALLY to a GOURD

{{header: late nights at WONDERMARK.COM}}

#978; In which the Hour draws near transcribed by in

[[ELLE holds KEVIN by the hands.]]

ELLE: ...Oh, look at the time!  I'd better be getting back, I'm about to turn into a pumpkin.

KEVIN: SERIOUSLY?

KEVIN: H-how does it HAPPEN? Do you turn into a PERSON-shaped pumpkin?  Does your FLESH turn into PUMPKIN FLESH?  What about your ORGANS?

KEVIN: Do your BONES break up into PUMPKIN SEEDS?  Does your hair twist and knot and pull itself up into a STEM?  Do you feel it HAPPENING?

KEVIN: Does it HURT?  Does it distend your body in way that trigger your pain response?  Or is this all somehow just a NATURAL FUNCTION for you?

KEVIN: Do you THINK like a pumpkin?  Do you lose the self-doubt of a person and begin to think mostly about the SUN and SOIL and SINCERITY?

KEVIN: I hope it's not rude to ask!  It's just such an unusal thing to encounter!  A PUMPKIN PERSON!

[[Abruptly, Elle is gone and Kevin is now holding a pumpkin.  It's detached from any plant, is normally sized and shaped, and without blemish or dent.]]

KEVIN:  This is all so BIZARRE!  Where did all your WEIGHT go?  Is NINETY PERCENT of you in some kind of PUMPKIN DIMENSION?

KEVIN:  Will you change BACK?  What kind of SCHEDULE is this on?

KEVIN: Are you still SENTIENT in there? An expressionless consciousness TRAPPED in synapses of orange goo?  WAIT -- if I cut you open, will you bee full of PUMPKIN, or VISCERA?  WHAT parts of the LADY become WHAT parts of the PUMPKIN?  OH NO!  Am I TOUCHING you INAPPROPRIATELY right now?

KEVIN:  I'm sorry!  I don't know where I should and shouldn't touch a lady-pumpkin!

[[MIKE enters.]]]

MIKE: Kevin, this is the LAST TIME I want to walk in on you TALKING EROTICALLY to a GOURD

{{header: late nights at WONDERMARK.COM}}

The pumpkin is placed on a velvet cushion. An ornate sign reads 'The Pumpkin That Was A Lady.' Viewers wonder if she can hear them; if she knows they are there; if she remembers or thinks of or feels anything at all. She cannot; she does not; she does, she does, she does.

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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