Comic Transcripts

EVERETT: Yes, sir. You had a complaint?
MALCOLM: I’d call it more of a suggestion.
Are you the guy to receive brilliant suggestions?
EVERETT: I do seem to have drawn the short straw.

MALCOLM: I’ve been in some pretty fancy public restrooms. Some have mood lighting. Others have creepy attendants.
Everyone’s got the basic plumbing needs pretty well covered.
But what’s the number one MOST BASIC thing all public restrooms should have, but NONE do?

MALCOLM: Really loud background noise. Like waterfalls, or jungle birds, or polka music, or all of the above.
Your restroom is a TOMB.
All hearing echoes of the guy three stalls down when he BLINKS.

MALCOLM: I can’t crap in a tomb. I can’t make any TRULY SATISFYING bowel progress if I can be HEARD.
EVERETT: Those of us who have to clean up after you would argue that that’s the POINT.

{{Header: got to go to WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: Yes I know they have all kinds of goofy toilet things in Japan.}}

#505; In which One cannot Let Loose transcribed by in

EVERETT: Yes, sir. You had a complaint?
MALCOLM: I’d call it more of a suggestion.
Are you the guy to receive brilliant suggestions?
EVERETT: I do seem to have drawn the short straw.

MALCOLM: I’ve been in some pretty fancy public restrooms. Some have mood lighting. Others have creepy attendants.
Everyone’s got the basic plumbing needs pretty well covered.
But what’s the number one MOST BASIC thing all public restrooms should have, but NONE do?

MALCOLM: Really loud background noise. Like waterfalls, or jungle birds, or polka music, or all of the above.
Your restroom is a TOMB.
All hearing echoes of the guy three stalls down when he BLINKS.

MALCOLM: I can’t crap in a tomb. I can’t make any TRULY SATISFYING bowel progress if I can be HEARD.
EVERETT: Those of us who have to clean up after you would argue that that’s the POINT.

{{Header: got to go to WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: Yes I know they have all kinds of goofy toilet things in Japan.}}

#505; In which One cannot Let Loose transcribed by in

EVERETT: Yes, sir. You had a complaint?
MALCOLM: I'd call it more of a suggestion.
Are you the guy to receive brilliant suggestions?
EVERETT: I do seem to have drawn the short straw.

MALCOLM: I've been in some pretty fancy public restrooms. Some have mood lighting. Others have creepy attendants.
Everyone's got the basic plumbing needs pretty well covered.
But what's the number one MOST BASIC thing all public restrooms should have, but NONE do?

MALCOLM: Really loud background noise. Like waterfalls, or jungle birds, or polka music, or all of the above.
Your restroom is a TOMB.
All hearing echoes of the guy three stalls down when he BLINKS.

MALCOLM: I can't crap in a tomb. I can't make any TRULY SATISFYING bowel progress if I can be HEARD.
EVERETT: Those of us who have to clean up after you would argue that that's the POINT.

{{Header: got to go to WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: Yes I know they have all kinds of goofy toilet things in Japan.}}

Yes I know they have all kinds of goofy toilet things in Japan.

#505; In which One cannot Let Loose

  — April 7th, 2009

[ Tags: , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/505/

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Applications open for Genius Northwest – an IRL gaming competition

May 8, 2026 by David Malki !

Last year, I participated in Genius Northwest, a gaming competition inspired by the Korean gameshow The Genius and its ilk.

It’s a reality show without the cameras — a 3-day, all-inclusive weekend retreat structured around a series of challenges and puzzles, in which personalities and dealmaking matter as much as playing games.

It’s truly a remarkable thing. I came in dead last in the competition, but I still had a great time participating.

The event is held annually in the Pacific Northwest (hence the name) and applications are now open to participate in the 2026 competition!

Learn more — and apply — at GeniusNW.com.


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