Comic Transcripts

[[A mustachioed man, Malki !, stands in his library reading. He is dressed in a white tuxedo.]]
Malki !: Oh. Hello there! I’m David Malki !, explorer, industrialist, and CEO of Wondermark Industries …

[[Walks over to a set where a man is preparing to take a photograph.]]
Malki !: Behind the scenes here at Wondermark, we work to ensure that only the highest quality product reaches your homes and offices.
Photographer: Lose the pince-nez, Chuck. We’re going for upper-middle, not idle rich with this one.
Chuck: Gotcha.

[[A technician in a lab coat is sitting at a computer workstation.]]
Malki !: Our scientists and technicians toil ’round the clock, honing the anachronisms and incongruities that have become synonymous with “Wondermark.”

[[Two scientists stand with a tribesman in a grass skirt and tiki mask.]]
Scientist 1: … So 25% more “ooga booga,” and hold the spear two degrees left …
Tribesman: Like this?
Scientist 2: Better.

Malki !: Why do we do this? Some might say it’s because we’re crazy … well, if caring about your customers is crazy, then we don’t want to be … DAMMIT! Line?
Higgins: (out of frame) “Sane,” Mr. Malki !, sir.

Malki !: … we don’t want to be Spain.
Director: (out of frame) — aaand CUT!

[[Malki ! removes his tie while talking to his assistant.]]
Malki !: Thank God that’s done! Higgins, where’s my goddamn appletini?! Denise, cancel my appointments. And fire Higgins.
Higgins: (rushes over with a martini glass) Coming Mr. Malki !, sir!

{{alt-text: every word the gospel truth}}

#214; Guest Comic by Steve Carey transcribed by in

[[A mustachioed man, Malki !, stands in his library reading. He is dressed in a white tuxedo.]]
Malki !: Oh. Hello there! I’m David Malki !, explorer, industrialist, and CEO of Wondermark Industries …

[[Walks over to a set where a man is preparing to take a photograph.]]
Malki !: Behind the scenes here at Wondermark, we work to ensure that only the highest quality product reaches your homes and offices.
Photographer: Lose the pince-nez, Chuck. We’re going for upper-middle, not idle rich with this one.
Chuck: Gotcha.

[[A technician in a lab coat is sitting at a computer workstation.]]
Malki !: Our scientists and technicians toil ’round the clock, honing the anachronisms and incongruities that have become synonymous with “Wondermark.”

[[Two scientists stand with a tribesman in a grass skirt and tiki mask.]]
Scientist 1: … So 25% more “ooga booga,” and hold the spear two degrees left …
Tribesman: Like this?
Scientist 2: Better.

Malki !: Why do we do this? Some might say it’s because we’re crazy … well, if caring about your customers is crazy, then we don’t want to be … DAMMIT! Line?
Higgins: (out of frame) “Sane,” Mr. Malki !, sir.

Malki !: … we don’t want to be Spain.
Director: (out of frame) — aaand CUT!

[[Malki ! removes his tie while talking to his assistant.]]
Malki !: Thank God that’s done! Higgins, where’s my goddamn appletini?! Denise, cancel my appointments. And fire Higgins.
Higgins: (rushes over with a martini glass) Coming Mr. Malki !, sir!

{{alt-text: every word the gospel truth}}

#214; Guest Comic by Steve Carey transcribed by in

[[A mustachioed man, Malki !, stands in his library reading. He is dressed in a white tuxedo.]]
Malki !: Oh. Hello there! I'm David Malki !, explorer, industrialist, and CEO of Wondermark Industries ...

[[Walks over to a set where a man is preparing to take a photograph.]]
Malki !: Behind the scenes here at Wondermark, we work to ensure that only the highest quality product reaches your homes and offices.
Photographer: Lose the pince-nez, Chuck. We're going for upper-middle, not idle rich with this one.
Chuck: Gotcha.

[[A technician in a lab coat is sitting at a computer workstation.]]
Malki !: Our scientists and technicians toil 'round the clock, honing the anachronisms and incongruities that have become synonymous with "Wondermark."

[[Two scientists stand with a tribesman in a grass skirt and tiki mask.]]
Scientist 1: ... So 25% more "ooga booga," and hold the spear two degrees left ...
Tribesman: Like this?
Scientist 2: Better.

Malki !: Why do we do this? Some might say it's because we're crazy ... well, if caring about your customers is crazy, then we don't want to be ... DAMMIT! Line?
Higgins: (out of frame) "Sane," Mr. Malki !, sir.

Malki !: ... we don't want to be Spain.
Director: (out of frame) -- aaand CUT!

[[Malki ! removes his tie while talking to his assistant.]]
Malki !: Thank God that's done! Higgins, where's my goddamn appletini?! Denise, cancel my appointments. And fire Higgins.
Higgins: (rushes over with a martini glass) Coming Mr. Malki !, sir!

{{alt-text: every word the gospel truth}}

every word the gospel truth

Guest comic by Steve Carey of Poppycock Theatre.

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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