Comic Transcripts

Kids: Mister Mikey! Mister Mikey! How come you don’t have candy for us anymore?
Mr. Mikey: Because, children, I quit my job at the candy factory. Now I work selling poop insurance. I don’t suppose I can interest you in a policy?

Kids: Candy! Candy! We want candy!
Mr. Mikey: I don’t have candy! All I can offer you is the peace of mind that only comes from knowing that if (God forbid) you’re pooped on, you’ll be A-OK.

Kid 1: I bet you didn’t quit your candyman job.
Kid 2: I bet you were fired.

Kid 1: I bet you sold secret magic lollipop formuals to the Chinese.
Kid 2: I bet you swam in the caramel vat without safety pants or any pants.
Kid 1: I bet you took a monster dump on your boss’s desk.
Kid 2: I bet you hate God.
Mr. Mikey: Children! All of these theories are true in their own way. Now, who wants a policy? Last chance before the tea kicks in.

{{header: resign yourself at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: real life comics #4, sort of}}

#148; In which Candy is withheld transcribed by in

Kids: Mister Mikey! Mister Mikey! How come you don’t have candy for us anymore?
Mr. Mikey: Because, children, I quit my job at the candy factory. Now I work selling poop insurance. I don’t suppose I can interest you in a policy?

Kids: Candy! Candy! We want candy!
Mr. Mikey: I don’t have candy! All I can offer you is the peace of mind that only comes from knowing that if (God forbid) you’re pooped on, you’ll be A-OK.

Kid 1: I bet you didn’t quit your candyman job.
Kid 2: I bet you were fired.

Kid 1: I bet you sold secret magic lollipop formuals to the Chinese.
Kid 2: I bet you swam in the caramel vat without safety pants or any pants.
Kid 1: I bet you took a monster dump on your boss’s desk.
Kid 2: I bet you hate God.
Mr. Mikey: Children! All of these theories are true in their own way. Now, who wants a policy? Last chance before the tea kicks in.

{{header: resign yourself at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: real life comics #4, sort of}}

#148; In which Candy is withheld transcribed by in

Kids: Mister Mikey! Mister Mikey! How come you don't have candy for us anymore?
Mr. Mikey: Because, children, I quit my job at the candy factory. Now I work selling poop insurance. I don't suppose I can interest you in a policy?

Kids: Candy! Candy! We want candy!
Mr. Mikey: I don't have candy! All I can offer you is the peace of mind that only comes from knowing that if (God forbid) you're pooped on, you'll be A-OK.

Kid 1: I bet you didn't quit your candyman job.
Kid 2: I bet you were fired.

Kid 1: I bet you sold secret magic lollipop formuals to the Chinese.
Kid 2: I bet you swam in the caramel vat without safety pants or any pants.
Kid 1: I bet you took a monster dump on your boss's desk.
Kid 2: I bet you hate God.
Mr. Mikey: Children! All of these theories are true in their own way. Now, who wants a policy? Last chance before the tea kicks in.

{{header: resign yourself at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: real life comics #4, sort of}}

real life comics #4, sort of

#148; In which Candy is withheld

  — January 13th, 2006

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Applications open for Genius Northwest – an IRL gaming competition

May 8, 2026 by David Malki !

Last year, I participated in Genius Northwest, a gaming competition inspired by the Korean gameshow The Genius and its ilk.

It’s a reality show without the cameras — a 3-day, all-inclusive weekend retreat structured around a series of challenges and puzzles, in which personalities and dealmaking matter as much as playing games.

It’s truly a remarkable thing. I came in dead last in the competition, but I still had a great time participating.

The event is held annually in the Pacific Northwest (hence the name) and applications are now open to participate in the 2026 competition!

Learn more — and apply — at GeniusNW.com.


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