Comic Transcripts

[[DR. CRAIGENSTEIN speaks to young woman JEZEDRINA outside his living quarters.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: I’m delighted that you will be marrying my daughter–for you and I are kindred spirits!  We both do things that benefit the world, but that some people nonetheless insist are somehow improper!

CRAIGENSTEIN: In your case, you manufacture and sell rubber stamps of sports franchise logos, intended for fans of RIVAL TEAMS to use in making their own IMPRINTED TOILET PAPER.  Technically, a trademark violation–but a cracking idea, and who does it harm?  NO ONE!

CRAIGENSTEIN: As for me–for these last dozen years and three, I have been captain of the Firestorm.  My cherished steed!

[[The Firestorm is a shiny jalopy with a large funnel positioned over the hood.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: She costs NOTHING to operate!  And so my family and I have toured the country in her many times!

JEZEDRINA: Oh?  How does that work?

[[Dr. Craigenstein is shown puttering along in the Firestorm.  Human legs emerge from both the backseat and the funnel-slash-engine intake.]]

SFX: PAPOP PAPOP PAPOP

CRAIGENSTEIN: The Firestorm can run on any organic fuel.  But she prefers what I have come to call PEOPSEL–a FULLY RECLAIMED power source requiring NO refinement.

CRAIGENSTEIN:  You see, years ago, I registered myself as an official PAUPER’S GRAVE.  Each morning I visit a morgue, collect unidentified and unclaimed bodies, and in return for identifying and removing any organs viable for donation, I am allowed to keep the remainder for vehicle fuel.

[[We return to Craigenstein and Jezedrina.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: And of course I will insist you TAKE OVER the family business.  Let’s take a ride right now and I shall demonstrate the process.  Can those clothes get messy?

JEZEDRINA: Hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on HOLD ON.  I thought you were a widely sought-after internal medicine specialist…?

CRAIGENSTEIN: Yes, indeed, I am in fact WANTED in SEVERAL STATES.

{{header: be useful at WONDERMARK.COM}}

#1445; Combustion à la Pater transcribed by in

[[DR. CRAIGENSTEIN speaks to young woman JEZEDRINA outside his living quarters.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: I'm delighted that you will be marrying my daughter--for you and I are kindred spirits!  We both do things that benefit the world, but that some people nonetheless insist are somehow improper!

CRAIGENSTEIN: In your case, you manufacture and sell rubber stamps of sports franchise logos, intended for fans of RIVAL TEAMS to use in making their own IMPRINTED TOILET PAPER.  Technically, a trademark violation--but a cracking idea, and who does it harm?  NO ONE!

CRAIGENSTEIN: As for me--for these last dozen years and three, I have been captain of the Firestorm.  My cherished steed!

[[The Firestorm is a shiny jalopy with a large funnel positioned over the hood.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: She costs NOTHING to operate!  And so my family and I have toured the country in her many times!

JEZEDRINA: Oh?  How does that work?

[[Dr. Craigenstein is shown puttering along in the Firestorm.  Human legs emerge from both the backseat and the funnel-slash-engine intake.]]

SFX: PAPOP PAPOP PAPOP

CRAIGENSTEIN: The Firestorm can run on any organic fuel.  But she prefers what I have come to call PEOPSEL--a FULLY RECLAIMED power source requiring NO refinement.

CRAIGENSTEIN:  You see, years ago, I registered myself as an official PAUPER'S GRAVE.  Each morning I visit a morgue, collect unidentified and unclaimed bodies, and in return for identifying and removing any organs viable for donation, I am allowed to keep the remainder for vehicle fuel.

[[We return to Craigenstein and Jezedrina.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: And of course I will insist you TAKE OVER the family business.  Let's take a ride right now and I shall demonstrate the process.  Can those clothes get messy?

JEZEDRINA: Hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on HOLD ON.  I thought you were a widely sought-after internal medicine specialist...?

CRAIGENSTEIN: Yes, indeed, I am in fact WANTED in SEVERAL STATES.

{{header: be useful at WONDERMARK.COM}}

the weird thing is, anyone can register as a pauper's grave. it's just a five dollar fee and you get a parking pass in the mail for your pickups

#1445; Combustion à la Pater

  — December 26th, 2018

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Bolted! Shipping is UNDERWAY

April 4, 2026 by David Malki !

Bolted! games have been shipping to backers over the last couple of weeks! The non-US orders are (mostly) done and some folks have been reporting receiving them already!

@davidmalki.com My game arrived today!! It looks gorgeous 🙂 Hope you are well 🙂

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— Lar deSouza (@lartist.bsky.social) April 2, 2026 at 2:52 PM

My US inventory of games is now in-country, but still being staged at the fulfillment centers. It’s being distributed to regional warehouses, so the actual shipping to backers happens more efficiently. I hope the bulk of US shipping will start next week.

These are what the cartons (and games) look like!

bolted! games BOLTED! GAMES (pounding the table) B O L T E D ! G A M E S

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— david malki ! (@davidmalki.com) April 3, 2026 at 10:37 AM

I am also waiting on the bonus cards to be finished printing! I ended up needing many more of those than I had anticipated, so I decided to have the game factory print those too, for perfect matching with the base game cards.

Most people will be receiving two separate mailings: the game itself, and “anything else” (bonus cards and/or add-ons) which will be sent by me personally.

As of today, 86% of backers have completed their surveys so far! That’s pretty good, but it’s not everyone. I know YOU PERSONALLY have already completed YOURS though, so no worries!!

We have now moved OFF of Kickstarter and ONTO BackerKit for any new orders. You can bundle a game with basically anything else I sell on that there website, it’s pretty nuts!


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