#1445; Combustion à la Pater

Comic Transcripts

[[DR. CRAIGENSTEIN speaks to young woman JEZEDRINA outside his living quarters.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: I’m delighted that you will be marrying my daughter–for you and I are kindred spirits! We both do things that benefit the world, but that some people nonetheless insist are somehow improper!

CRAIGENSTEIN: In your case, you manufacture and sell rubber stamps of sports franchise logos, intended for fans of RIVAL TEAMS to use in making their own IMPRINTED TOILET PAPER. Technically, a trademark violation–but a cracking idea, and who does it harm? NO ONE!

CRAIGENSTEIN: As for me–for these last dozen years and three, I have been captain of the Firestorm. My cherished steed!

[[The Firestorm is a shiny jalopy with a large funnel positioned over the hood.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: She costs NOTHING to operate! And so my family and I have toured the country in her many times!

JEZEDRINA: Oh? How does that work?

[[Dr. Craigenstein is shown puttering along in the Firestorm. Human legs emerge from both the backseat and the funnel-slash-engine intake.]]

SFX: PAPOP PAPOP PAPOP

CRAIGENSTEIN: The Firestorm can run on any organic fuel. But she prefers what I have come to call PEOPSEL–a FULLY RECLAIMED power source requiring NO refinement.

CRAIGENSTEIN: You see, years ago, I registered myself as an official PAUPER’S GRAVE. Each morning I visit a morgue, collect unidentified and unclaimed bodies, and in return for identifying and removing any organs viable for donation, I am allowed to keep the remainder for vehicle fuel.

[[We return to Craigenstein and Jezedrina.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: And of course I will insist you TAKE OVER the family business. Let’s take a ride right now and I shall demonstrate the process. Can those clothes get messy?

JEZEDRINA: Hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on HOLD ON. I thought you were a widely sought-after internal medicine specialist…?

CRAIGENSTEIN: Yes, indeed, I am in fact WANTED in SEVERAL STATES.

#1445; Combustion à la Pater transcribed by in

[[DR. CRAIGENSTEIN speaks to young woman JEZEDRINA outside his living quarters.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: I'm delighted that you will be marrying my daughter--for you and I are kindred spirits! We both do things that benefit the world, but that some people nonetheless insist are somehow improper!

CRAIGENSTEIN: In your case, you manufacture and sell rubber stamps of sports franchise logos, intended for fans of RIVAL TEAMS to use in making their own IMPRINTED TOILET PAPER. Technically, a trademark violation--but a cracking idea, and who does it harm? NO ONE!

CRAIGENSTEIN: As for me--for these last dozen years and three, I have been captain of the Firestorm. My cherished steed!

[[The Firestorm is a shiny jalopy with a large funnel positioned over the hood.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: She costs NOTHING to operate! And so my family and I have toured the country in her many times!

JEZEDRINA: Oh? How does that work?

[[Dr. Craigenstein is shown puttering along in the Firestorm. Human legs emerge from both the backseat and the funnel-slash-engine intake.]]

SFX: PAPOP PAPOP PAPOP

CRAIGENSTEIN: The Firestorm can run on any organic fuel. But she prefers what I have come to call PEOPSEL--a FULLY RECLAIMED power source requiring NO refinement.

CRAIGENSTEIN: You see, years ago, I registered myself as an official PAUPER'S GRAVE. Each morning I visit a morgue, collect unidentified and unclaimed bodies, and in return for identifying and removing any organs viable for donation, I am allowed to keep the remainder for vehicle fuel.

[[We return to Craigenstein and Jezedrina.]]

CRAIGENSTEIN: And of course I will insist you TAKE OVER the family business. Let's take a ride right now and I shall demonstrate the process. Can those clothes get messy?

JEZEDRINA: Hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on HOLD ON. I thought you were a widely sought-after internal medicine specialist...?

CRAIGENSTEIN: Yes, indeed, I am in fact WANTED in SEVERAL STATES.

the weird thing is, anyone can register as a pauper's grave. it's just a five dollar fee and you get a parking pass in the mail for your pickups

#1445; Combustion à la Pater

— December 26th, 2018

[ Tags: domestic bliss, oil, RIP ] Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/1445/

Buy a Print

In addition to buying things directly from me, the normal way, my game Bolted! is also now available on Amazon dot com.

On that famous website, you can also get the Creature-Crafting Magnets Set, which is made of the same artwork from the game, but is just a weird little trinket (not a playable game).

My kiddo made the elaborate version below to show off just how many magnets you get in the set (it’s 150 pieces in all — this isn’t even all of them).

Also now on Amazon is my set of Multi-Purpose Greeting Cards — a full dozen cards with envelopes in a fancy, unbranded, foil-stamped box!

Event alert!

I’ll also be showing off Bolted! at Greenwood Games, an event in Seattle this Saturday:

Greenwood Games is a free, all-ages community game event that invites players to spend the afternoon walking Greenwood Avenue from 65th to 80th, collecting clues, cracking puzzles, and discovering games made right here in Washington.

Think of it as Pride Hop, ArtWalk, and the Gumshoe all rolled into one, except the whole thing is built around games and puzzles.

Local game designers will be set up at different places along Greenwood Avenue in Phinney Ridge (near Ballard). My specific spot will be the “Holy Mountain Phinney Ridge Taproom”. All the information about all the different games & venues is on the website!

(If you’re in Seattle generally but not free tomorrow, Bolted! is also stocked at Blue Highway Games in Queen Anne.)

Next week, I’ll be at Gen Con! I personally will be hanging with my buddy Sam Logan at BFE Webcomics, booth #1217… but I have it on good authority that copies of Bolted! will be available at the CRWN Studios booth, #2549.

Visit one booth! Then the other! The order…is up to you.

Comic Transcripts

#1445; Combustion à la Pater

— December 26th, 2018

Event alert!

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