Comic Transcripts

[[GLARY stands facing away from an elephant named DARVEY whose bones had previously fallen out and who was attempting to stretch their skin over a mammoth skeleton.]]

GLARY: How’s it going in there?
DARVEY: It’s…well, it’s not the best fit…
GLARY: Is it gonna work, do you think?
DARVEY: It won’t be pretty.

GLARY: I bet it’ll be beautiful. You’re gonna be hotter than hot. You’ll be on fleek. You’re gonna be…BAE.
DARVEY: Please don’t use such words in this delicate time
GLARY: You’re gonna be…SHAWTY? You’re gonna be… I’m running out of terms. You’re gonna be fly. I bet you look DA BOMB DIGGITY.

DARVEY: All right. I’m coming out. Please be gentle. It took a lot of work to get it to look THIS good.
GLARY: Listen, J.D. You’ll always be MY hot slice no matter WHAT it looks like.
GLARY: My gray goat. My good gravy. My bony Broheim. My super-duper Mario Mansion. My Netflix and chillax.

DARVEY: SO…This is what it looks like when you put a fossilized mammoth skeleton into an elephant body whose bones all fell out previously.

[[Final panel reveals the DARVEY in all his horrible, decayed glory. The skeleton appears to be too large for the elephant skin, and is busting out in certain places like the ribcage and the knees. Likewise the tusks have come out of the face in a distressing and unnatural manner. GLARY, however, has placed both hands over his heart in swooning admiration, crying out.]]

GLARY: …CHECK OUT MY THICC ELEPHANT!!
DARVEY: Y-you really think so?!

#1421; Bones of Stone, For the Bold transcribed by in

[[GLARY stands facing away from an elephant named DARVEY whose bones had previously fallen out and who was attempting to stretch their skin over a mammoth skeleton.]]

GLARY: How’s it going in there?
DARVEY: It’s…well, it’s not the best fit…
GLARY: Is it gonna work, do you think?
DARVEY: It won’t be pretty.

GLARY: I bet it’ll be beautiful. You’re gonna be hotter than hot. You’ll be on fleek. You’re gonna be…BAE.
DARVEY: Please don’t use such words in this delicate time
GLARY: You’re gonna be…SHAWTY? You’re gonna be… I’m running out of terms. You’re gonna be fly. I bet you look DA BOMB DIGGITY.

DARVEY: All right. I’m coming out. Please be gentle. It took a lot of work to get it to look THIS good.
GLARY: Listen, J.D. You’ll always be MY hot slice no matter WHAT it looks like.
GLARY: My gray goat. My good gravy. My bony Broheim. My super-duper Mario Mansion. My Netflix and chillax.

DARVEY: SO…This is what it looks like when you put a fossilized mammoth skeleton into an elephant body whose bones all fell out previously.

[[Final panel reveals the DARVEY in all his horrible, decayed glory. The skeleton appears to be too large for the elephant skin, and is busting out in certain places like the ribcage and the knees. Likewise the tusks have come out of the face in a distressing and unnatural manner. GLARY, however, has placed both hands over his heart in swooning admiration, crying out.]]

GLARY: …CHECK OUT MY THICC ELEPHANT!!
DARVEY: Y-you really think so?!

fortunately there are lots of handy how-to techniques for this process on SkelShare.com

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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