#1372; First a Bang, Then a Whisper

Comic Transcripts

[[A press conference. ASAPH stands at a podium in front of several microphones, with a previous edition of The Headline Bugle newspaper framed on an easel next to him. The headline reads: GENIUS. The subheadline reads: “The idea just came to me,” says modern-day Prometheus. Two visible photographers, VIOLET and SEBASTIAN, and two out-of-frame persons, ORSAMUS and ZOPHAR, look on.]]

ASAPH: Thank you all for coming. As you recall, some years ago I proposed a method of eating Cheetos using chopsticks.
VIOLET: Genius!
SEBASTIAN: Life-changing.
ORSAMUS: It keeps the orange crap off your fingers!
ZOPHAR: Dude, we KNOW!

ASAPH: Now, after much study and experimentation, I’d like to present ANOTHER culinary revolution. Hit the music.

[[Water is shown pouring into an ice cube tray.]]

ASAPH: Tired of filling your ice cube tray at the sink and then spilling water everywhere before getting it into the freezer? NOW, a BETTER way! Simply put the tray in the freezer FIRST, then fill it with water from a Dixie cup! Or, use a funnel! They sell funnels with long flexible spouts at the GAS STATION next to the MOTOR OIL!

[[We zoom out to the press conference, and see that the image of the filling ice cube tray is on the easel where the newspaper was previously pictured.]]

ASAPH: Thank you. We will not have any Q & A time as questions are unnecessary. You have each been given a flash drive with print-res photos and sample prewritten copy for your articles. Last time I got the front page…can we do even BETTER somehow? Let’s HACK THE FUTURE…TOGETHER. Also, blockchain. Thank you.

CAPTION: Soon.
[[We see another issue of The Headline Bugle. The headline reads: SOPHOMORE SLUMP? The subheadline reads: Inventor’s lackluster followup gets icy reception. Asaph indignantly remarks from out-of-frame.]]
ASAPH: Aw, COME ON!

[[OTHNIEL and Asaph converse, as Asaph holds the offending newspaper.]]

OTHNIEL: Hey, sometimes you’re the hottest thing around, and then you’re not anymore.
ASAPH: And what HAPPENS when something is NO LONGER HOT? IT DOES MY THING!! IT FREEZES!!!

#1372; First a Bang, Then a Whisper transcribed by in

[[A press conference. ASAPH stands at a podium in front of several microphones, with a previous edition of The Headline Bugle newspaper framed on an easel next to him. The headline reads: GENIUS. The subheadline reads: "The idea just came to me," says modern-day Prometheus. Two visible photographers, VIOLET and SEBASTIAN, and two out-of-frame persons, ORSAMUS and ZOPHAR, look on.]]

ASAPH: Now, after much study and experimentation, I'd like to present ANOTHER culinary revolution. Hit the music.

[[Water is shown pouring into an ice cube tray.]]

[[We zoom out to the press conference, and see that the image of the filling ice cube tray is on the easel where the newspaper was previously pictured.]]

ASAPH: Thank you. We will not have any Q & A time as questions are unnecessary. You have each been given a flash drive with print-res photos and sample prewritten copy for your articles. Last time I got the front page...can we do even BETTER somehow? Let's HACK THE FUTURE...TOGETHER. Also, blockchain. Thank you.

CAPTION: Soon.
[[We see another issue of The Headline Bugle. The headline reads: SOPHOMORE SLUMP? The subheadline reads: Inventor's lackluster followup gets icy reception. Asaph indignantly remarks from out-of-frame.]]
ASAPH: Aw, COME ON!

[[OTHNIEL and Asaph converse, as Asaph holds the offending newspaper.]]

OTHNIEL: Hey, sometimes you're the hottest thing around, and then you're not anymore.
ASAPH: And what HAPPENS when something is NO LONGER HOT? IT DOES MY THING!! IT FREEZES!!!

I suppose it depends on the shape of your freezer.