Comic Transcripts

[[Two turkeys.]]
BARRY: Imagine, a year from now, one of us will be the democratically-elected CHANCELLOR of the barnyard.
JOHN: We have hard campaigns before us, old friend.
How will the animals choose which of us will make a better LEADER?

JOHN: Well, I’ll just explain to the livestock how YOU like to pal around with WOLVES.
BARRY: What? Then I’ll tell them YOU voted to give the farmer a SHARPER AX!
JOHN: That vote was to BUY NEW TOOLS for the WHOLE FARM! Including FEED BUCKETS!
BARRY: AND chainsaws, which could potentially be used to DISMEMBER EVERYBODY!

BARRY: Look, the goats know I’m no wolf. So I KNOW you’ll go after the SHEEP–and they’ll BELIEVE you!
But what happens if a REAL wolf shows up? If you make ME into the ultimate bogeyman, there’ll be not outrage left for the REAL danger!
The new chancellor will need to UNITE the barnyard…so why make that job harder by spending a solid year DIVIDING it?
And BECOMING EVERYTHING WE HATE in order to do so?
JOHN: One word: CHICKS.

{{Header: poison the well at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: Barnyard Chancellor is primarily a ceremonial position anyway. The Viscount of the Hayloft has all the real power.}}

#453; In which All’s Fair, supposedly transcribed by in

[[Two turkeys.]]
BARRY: Imagine, a year from now, one of us will be the democratically-elected CHANCELLOR of the barnyard.
JOHN: We have hard campaigns before us, old friend.
How will the animals choose which of us will make a better LEADER?

JOHN: Well, I’ll just explain to the livestock how YOU like to pal around with WOLVES.
BARRY: What? Then I’ll tell them YOU voted to give the farmer a SHARPER AX!
JOHN: That vote was to BUY NEW TOOLS for the WHOLE FARM! Including FEED BUCKETS!
BARRY: AND chainsaws, which could potentially be used to DISMEMBER EVERYBODY!

BARRY: Look, the goats know I’m no wolf. So I KNOW you’ll go after the SHEEP–and they’ll BELIEVE you!
But what happens if a REAL wolf shows up? If you make ME into the ultimate bogeyman, there’ll be not outrage left for the REAL danger!
The new chancellor will need to UNITE the barnyard…so why make that job harder by spending a solid year DIVIDING it?
And BECOMING EVERYTHING WE HATE in order to do so?
JOHN: One word: CHICKS.

{{Header: poison the well at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: Barnyard Chancellor is primarily a ceremonial position anyway. The Viscount of the Hayloft has all the real power.}}

#453; In which All’s Fair, supposedly transcribed by in

[[Two turkeys.]]
BARRY: Imagine, a year from now, one of us will be the democratically-elected CHANCELLOR of the barnyard.
JOHN: We have hard campaigns before us, old friend.
How will the animals choose which of us will make a better LEADER?

JOHN: Well, I'll just explain to the livestock how YOU like to pal around with WOLVES.
BARRY: What? Then I'll tell them YOU voted to give the farmer a SHARPER AX!
JOHN: That vote was to BUY NEW TOOLS for the WHOLE FARM! Including FEED BUCKETS!
BARRY: AND chainsaws, which could potentially be used to DISMEMBER EVERYBODY!

BARRY: Look, the goats know I'm no wolf. So I KNOW you'll go after the SHEEP--and they'll BELIEVE you!
But what happens if a REAL wolf shows up? If you make ME into the ultimate bogeyman, there'll be not outrage left for the REAL danger!
The new chancellor will need to UNITE the barnyard...so why make that job harder by spending a solid year DIVIDING it?
And BECOMING EVERYTHING WE HATE in order to do so?
JOHN: One word: CHICKS.

{{Header: poison the well at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{Alt-text: Barnyard Chancellor is primarily a ceremonial position anyway. The Viscount of the Hayloft has all the real power.}}

Barnyard Chancellor is primarily a ceremonial position anyway. The Viscount of the Hayloft has all the real power.

#453; In which All’s Fair, supposedly

  — October 20th, 2008

[ Tags: , , , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/453/

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Applications open for Genius Northwest – an IRL gaming competition

May 8, 2026 by David Malki !

Last year, I participated in Genius Northwest, a gaming competition inspired by the Korean gameshow The Genius and its ilk.

It’s a reality show without the cameras — a 3-day, all-inclusive weekend retreat structured around a series of challenges and puzzles, in which personalities and dealmaking matter as much as playing games.

It’s truly a remarkable thing. I came in dead last in the competition, but I still had a great time participating.

The event is held annually in the Pacific Northwest (hence the name) and applications are now open to participate in the 2026 competition!

Learn more — and apply — at GeniusNW.com.


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