Comic Transcripts

[[A press conference.  ASAPH stands at a podium in front of several microphones, with a previous edition of The Headline Bugle newspaper framed on an easel next to him.  The headline reads: GENIUS.  The subheadline reads:  “The idea just came to me,” says modern-day Prometheus.  Two visible photographers, VIOLET and SEBASTIAN, and two out-of-frame persons, ORSAMUS and ZOPHAR, look on.]]

ASAPH:  Thank you all for coming.  As you recall, some years ago I proposed a method of eating Cheetos using chopsticks. 
VIOLET:  Genius!
SEBASTIAN:  Life-changing.
ORSAMUS:  It keeps the orange crap off your fingers!
ZOPHAR:  Dude, we KNOW!

ASAPH:  Now, after much study and experimentation, I’d like to present ANOTHER culinary revolution.  Hit the music.

[[Water is shown pouring into an ice cube tray.]]

ASAPH:  Tired of filling your ice cube tray at the sink and then spilling water everywhere before getting it into the freezer?  NOW, a BETTER way!  Simply put the tray in the freezer FIRST, then fill it with water from a Dixie cup!  Or, use a funnel!  They sell funnels with long flexible spouts at the GAS STATION next to the MOTOR OIL!

[[We zoom out to the press conference, and see that the image of the filling ice cube tray is on the easel where the newspaper was previously pictured.]]

ASAPH:  Thank you.  We will not have any Q & A time as questions are unnecessary.  You have each been given a flash drive with print-res photos and sample prewritten copy for your articles.  Last time I got the front page…can we do even BETTER somehow?  Let’s HACK THE FUTURE…TOGETHER.  Also, blockchain.  Thank you.

CAPTION:  Soon.
[[We see another issue of The Headline Bugle.  The headline reads: SOPHOMORE SLUMP?  The subheadline reads: Inventor’s lackluster followup gets icy reception.  Asaph indignantly remarks from out-of-frame.]]
ASAPH:  Aw, COME ON!

[[OTHNIEL and Asaph converse, as Asaph holds the offending newspaper.]]

OTHNIEL:  Hey, sometimes you’re the hottest thing around, and then you’re not anymore.
ASAPH:  And what HAPPENS when something is NO LONGER HOT?  IT DOES MY THING!!  IT FREEZES!!!

{{header:  cool down at WONDERMARK.COM}}

#1372; First a Bang, Then a Whisper transcribed by in

[[A press conference.  ASAPH stands at a podium in front of several microphones, with a previous edition of The Headline Bugle newspaper framed on an easel next to him.  The headline reads: GENIUS.  The subheadline reads:  "The idea just came to me," says modern-day Prometheus.  Two visible photographers, VIOLET and SEBASTIAN, and two out-of-frame persons, ORSAMUS and ZOPHAR, look on.]]

ASAPH:  Thank you all for coming.  As you recall, some years ago I proposed a method of eating Cheetos using chopsticks. 
VIOLET:  Genius!
SEBASTIAN:  Life-changing.
ORSAMUS:  It keeps the orange crap off your fingers!
ZOPHAR:  Dude, we KNOW!

ASAPH:  Now, after much study and experimentation, I'd like to present ANOTHER culinary revolution.  Hit the music.

[[Water is shown pouring into an ice cube tray.]]

ASAPH:  Tired of filling your ice cube tray at the sink and then spilling water everywhere before getting it into the freezer?  NOW, a BETTER way!  Simply put the tray in the freezer FIRST, then fill it with water from a Dixie cup!  Or, use a funnel!  They sell funnels with long flexible spouts at the GAS STATION next to the MOTOR OIL!

[[We zoom out to the press conference, and see that the image of the filling ice cube tray is on the easel where the newspaper was previously pictured.]]

ASAPH:  Thank you.  We will not have any Q & A time as questions are unnecessary.  You have each been given a flash drive with print-res photos and sample prewritten copy for your articles.  Last time I got the front page...can we do even BETTER somehow?  Let's HACK THE FUTURE...TOGETHER.  Also, blockchain.  Thank you.

CAPTION:  Soon.
[[We see another issue of The Headline Bugle.  The headline reads: SOPHOMORE SLUMP?  The subheadline reads: Inventor's lackluster followup gets icy reception.  Asaph indignantly remarks from out-of-frame.]]
ASAPH:  Aw, COME ON!

[[OTHNIEL and Asaph converse, as Asaph holds the offending newspaper.]]

OTHNIEL:  Hey, sometimes you're the hottest thing around, and then you're not anymore.
ASAPH:  And what HAPPENS when something is NO LONGER HOT?  IT DOES MY THING!!  IT FREEZES!!!

{{header:  cool down at WONDERMARK.COM}}

I suppose it depends on the shape of your freezer.

#1372; First a Bang, Then a Whisper

  — January 19th, 2018

[ Tags: , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/1372/

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My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

September 2, 2026 by David Malki !

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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