Comic Transcripts

[[BIFF confronts BAMM.  Biff is already in Bamm’s personal space.]]

BIFF: Hey, you got a PROBLEM?  I’ll HIT you!  I’ll hit you REAL HARD with FORCE!

BAMM: You can TRY!  Except I hit the hardest around here and also everywhere!

BIFF: I’m gonna hit you so hard, you’ll need a fishing pole to catch your breath!

BAMM: I’m gonna hit you so hard, you’ll be smelling my wedding ring for a week!

[[The pair further advance on one another.]]

BIFF:  I’m gonna hit you so hard, you’ll get a kidney stone in the shape of my knuckles!

BAMM: I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’s gonna max out all the credit cards in your pocket!

BIFF: I’m gonna hit you so hard, your dental records will have my fingerprints!

BAMM: I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll ripple up the generations to our common ancestor, then back down until I’LL feel it!

[[They get even closer to each other…]]

BIFF: I’m gonna hit you so hard, your MOM will RETROACTIVELY give birth to a TUMBLEWEED!

BAMM:  I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll convert all your memories of your mother to memories of MY FIST WEARING HER CLOTHES!

[[Closer…]]

BIFF:  I’m gonna hit you so hard it’s gonna HURT a lot!  It’ll trigger your pain receptors and YOU WON’T LIKE IT!

BAMM: I’m gonna hit you SO HARD, we’ll BOTH feel bad!  Me for hurting you, and you real specifically where I hit you!

[[CLOSER…]]

BIFF:  I’M GONNA HIT YOU SO HARD, IT’S NOT GONNA SOLVE ANYTHING BUT MORE DEEPLY ENTRENCH OUR SENSELESS ANIMOSITY!

BAMM: I’M GONNA HIT YOU SO HARD, I’M GONNA HAVE A LOT OF REGRETS ABOUT TONIGHT!

[[So close, their noses touch!]]

OFFSCREEN:  JUST KISS ALREADY

BAMM:  Shut UP we’re GONNA

{{header: step up to WONDERMARK.com}}

#979; The Line Between Sour and Sweet transcribed by in

[[BIFF confronts BAMM.  Biff is already in Bamm's personal space.]]

BIFF: Hey, you got a PROBLEM?  I'll HIT you!  I'll hit you REAL HARD with FORCE!

BAMM: You can TRY!  Except I hit the hardest around here and also everywhere!

BIFF: I'm gonna hit you so hard, you'll need a fishing pole to catch your breath!

BAMM: I'm gonna hit you so hard, you'll be smelling my wedding ring for a week!

[[The pair further advance on one another.]]

BIFF:  I'm gonna hit you so hard, you'll get a kidney stone in the shape of my knuckles!

BAMM: I'm gonna hit you so hard, it's gonna max out all the credit cards in your pocket!

BIFF: I'm gonna hit you so hard, your dental records will have my fingerprints!

BAMM: I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll ripple up the generations to our common ancestor, then back down until I'LL feel it!

[[They get even closer to each other...]]

BIFF: I'm gonna hit you so hard, your MOM will RETROACTIVELY give birth to a TUMBLEWEED!

BAMM:  I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll convert all your memories of your mother to memories of MY FIST WEARING HER CLOTHES!

[[Closer...]]

BIFF:  I'm gonna hit you so hard it's gonna HURT a lot!  It'll trigger your pain receptors and YOU WON'T LIKE IT!

BAMM: I'm gonna hit you SO HARD, we'll BOTH feel bad!  Me for hurting you, and you real specifically where I hit you!

[[CLOSER...]]

BIFF:  I'M GONNA HIT YOU SO HARD, IT'S NOT GONNA SOLVE ANYTHING BUT MORE DEEPLY ENTRENCH OUR SENSELESS ANIMOSITY!

BAMM: I'M GONNA HIT YOU SO HARD, I'M GONNA HAVE A LOT OF REGRETS ABOUT TONIGHT!

[[So close, their noses touch!]]

OFFSCREEN:  JUST KISS ALREADY

BAMM:  Shut UP we're GONNA

{{header: step up to WONDERMARK.com}}

I'm gonna hit you so hard, I'm never going to want to let you go

My newest game: Noodle Battle! At PAX!

The past few weeks have been a frenzy of assembling the very laborious, very bespoke first print run of NOODLE BATTLE, the puzzle game I am releasing this weekend at PAX West in Seattle!

PAX has an event called the PNW Tabletop Game Market (Saturday night ONLY), which is a curated selection of short-run games from local designers. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, I applied for a space in this fall’s event mainly as a way to force myself to finish a new game. And here it is!

The drawings are all by Jason Poland, good pal and cartoonist of My Dad Is Dracula. Jason played an early version of this game at Alaska Robotics Comics Camp this spring, and really liked it!

So I said, “Do you want to help me make it?” And so he has! It was his idea to make all the characters fun little animals, and I think it adds a ton of charm.

Because this edition is limited-run, it has been incredibly labor-intensive to make! The boxes and cards were made by a game factory in the usual fashion, but separately. The blank tiles were made by a woodworker dude out of Connecticut. For each game, we have had to:

  • Cut a piece of plastic and install the box window
  • Paint all the tiles, hundreds at a time
  • Apply a sticker to both sides of every tile
  • Apply stickers to the box (we couldn’t get the box back printed in time, so the whole back side of the box is a sticker too)
  • Apply the “Nutrition Facts” sticker, which was a late suggestion by my kid that I just had to run with
  • Fold up the rule sheet (they come from the printer as big strips of paper)
  • Put all the components into the box and seal it all up

I knew it would be a lot of work and would require some inefficient, expensive compromises AND I WAS RIGHT. But the final product is turning out great, which is the important thing!!

I will have 50 copies with me (if all goes well) at PAX, and then between now and the holidays we will be putting together additional copies to round out this first edition.

I will announce additional copies on Patreon first, once they are available online!! And here too, naturally, before long.

You can also sign up here if you’d like me to email you once the game is available online!


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