WayneCorp's Bruce Wayne takes an official salary of only a penny a year…but have you SEEN that penny? It's huge! #OccupyGotham
— David Malki ! (@malki) October 8, 2011
WAREHOUSE OWNER: Oh no who will pay for my broken skylight! The rain is getting on my crates
BATMAN: I broke it jumping at a clown. Sorry
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
CAFE OWNER: Some kind of rocket car tore through my patio and destroyed all my furniture!
BATMAN: Listen, I was chasing a bad penguin
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
OFFICE MANAGER: The side of our building had a bat shape drawn in gasoline and then set on fire!
BATMAN: I intended it to be inspiring
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
TV show about the longsuffering employees of a Gotham insurance company
"I'm sorry, ma'am, your policy has an exclusion for acts of bat"
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
CONTROLLER: Unidentified aircraft squawk 4752 and ident, climb maintain 3000 for building clearance
BATMAN: Negative chasing a plant lady
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
BANE: I will…break you
BATMAN: Aw gimme a break
BANE: haha good one
BANE: that's exactly what I am moments from doing
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
GORDON: If I turn on this light a man appears on the roof
SERGEANT: isn't that…weird
GORDON: He brings us lots of inadmissible evidence
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
MR FREEZE: ice bucket challenge
MR FREEZE: I nominate…THE PEOPLE OF GOTHAM
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
JOKER: you know how I got these scars?
BATMAN: Granulation tissue progressively accumulates more fibroblasts, which lay down collagen
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
ALFRED: Will you be taking dinner in your cave again
BATMAN: I found a boy at the circus
ALFRED: Shall I put the kettle on
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
BATMAN: And THIS is my giant penny
DICK: That doesn't make sense
BATMAN: No it's just the one
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
BATMAN: Keep this kryptonite safe in case I need to kill Superman
ALFRED: Superman
BATMAN: (exasperated sigh) He's the FLYING ONE
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
BRUCE: Criminals are a superstitious lot. Not me, I'm a logical detective
BRUCE: I will dress as the next animal that breaks my window
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
BANE: You merely adopted the dark
BATMAN: More like adopted a DORK
DICK: (sighs loudly)
BATMAN: Amirite
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
POLICE: Look, a playing card by the victim
POLICE: The five of diamonds!
JOKER: (in the shadows) (patting his pockets) Ah dammit
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
RIDDLER: Riddle me this! When is a stone…not a stone?
BATMAN: That was literally in Reader's Digest 3 weeks ago
RIDDLER: (feigns surprise)
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
ADAM WEST BATMAN: Indeed, a team-up! Two crime-fighting heads are surely better than one!
FRANK MILLER BATMAN: (runs him over with a tank)
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 27, 2014
Also many kind people such as Neil Gaiman and Joseph Gordon-Levitt have recently shared my latest Batman comic! That’s pretty neat to see!
Welcome, new readers; I have done exactly two Batman comics in eleven years, and here’s the other one. Oh and this one about Superman.
Not to say I have entirely ignored the notion of superheroes.
BONUS JOKES: SPACE WARS
BEN: A wretched hive of scum and villainy. I can't wait for this place to gentrify. Put in a coffee shop, a record store. It could be nice.
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 28, 2014
BERU: Happy birthday!
LUKE: Oh…a power converter
BERU: We know you like them.
LUKE: (weak smile) (thinks) this isn't even the right brand
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 28, 2014
LUKE: No! That can't be! That's impossible!
DARTH: (thinking) Oh no maybe he's right I mean it's a big galaxy and oh man what if he's right
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 28, 2014
LUKE: You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father.
BEN: (furiously backpedaling) Um well look I'm a ghost so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 28, 2014
EWOKS: Yub yub
3PO: I could let the masters be devoured and no jury would convict me
R2: Beep boop
3PO: Oh like you haven't thought of it
— David Malki ! (@malki) August 28, 2014
BONUS BONUS JOKES:
Essential reading for the Star Wars jape enthusiast: The People’s History of Tattooine.