Comic Transcripts

[[A man in a top hat appears dismayed.]]
Technology Critic: Technology has made everything so COLD! We’ve become disconnected!
Technology Critic: Click, click, beep, beep, whatever you want, instant gratification!

[[Another man in a suit responds.]]
Inventor: Yes! EXACTLY! Nothing has a SOUL anymore! Nothing requires skill or art to operate!
Inventor: I’ve been developing a new phone just for good old-fashioned folks like us.

Inventor: It’s digital, but for the fully vintage effect, its GPS sensors only let it work when it’s near a telephone pole. And it automatically drops calls in bad weather.
Inventor: You can jiggle the accelerometer to introduce static… in fact, you have to hold it just right in order to complete an entire call.

[[The inventor points to the phone, highlighting various features.]]
Inventor: To turn it on, you have to turn a little knob and wait a few minutes for it to warm up. Once you hear the throaty rumble, you know it’s operational.
Inventor: If it senses that it’s below freezing outside, it makes you pour salt into a little hole.

Inventor: Every few months you have to open it up and swap out some tiny little bulbs.
Inventor: You can only get them from one store all the way across town.

Technology Critic: Does it send text messages?
Inventor: Yeah, but you have to spell them out by shouting each letter individually.
Inventor: Then, an hour later, the recipient gets a fax

{{header: the experience of WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: The phone’s oil should be changed every 3000 minutes}}

#1050; In which a Phone is made Familiar transcribed by in

[[A man in a top hat appears dismayed.]]
Technology Critic: Technology has made everything so COLD! We’ve become disconnected!
Technology Critic: Click, click, beep, beep, whatever you want, instant gratification!

[[Another man in a suit responds.]]
Inventor: Yes! EXACTLY! Nothing has a SOUL anymore! Nothing requires skill or art to operate!
Inventor: I’ve been developing a new phone just for good old-fashioned folks like us.

Inventor: It’s digital, but for the fully vintage effect, its GPS sensors only let it work when it’s near a telephone pole. And it automatically drops calls in bad weather.
Inventor: You can jiggle the accelerometer to introduce static… in fact, you have to hold it just right in order to complete an entire call.

[[The inventor points to the phone, highlighting various features.]]
Inventor: To turn it on, you have to turn a little knob and wait a few minutes for it to warm up. Once you hear the throaty rumble, you know it’s operational.
Inventor: If it senses that it’s below freezing outside, it makes you pour salt into a little hole.

Inventor: Every few months you have to open it up and swap out some tiny little bulbs.
Inventor: You can only get them from one store all the way across town.

Technology Critic: Does it send text messages?
Inventor: Yeah, but you have to spell them out by shouting each letter individually.
Inventor: Then, an hour later, the recipient gets a fax

{{header: the experience of WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: The phone’s oil should be changed every 3000 minutes}}

#1050; In which a Phone is made Familiar transcribed by in

[[A man in a top hat appears dismayed.]]
Technology Critic: Technology has made everything so COLD! We've become disconnected!
Technology Critic: Click, click, beep, beep, whatever you want, instant gratification!

[[Another man in a suit responds.]]
Inventor: Yes! EXACTLY! Nothing has a SOUL anymore! Nothing requires skill or art to operate!
Inventor: I've been developing a new phone just for good old-fashioned folks like us.

Inventor: It's digital, but for the fully vintage effect, its GPS sensors only let it work when it's near a telephone pole. And it automatically drops calls in bad weather.
Inventor: You can jiggle the accelerometer to introduce static... in fact, you have to hold it just right in order to complete an entire call.

[[The inventor points to the phone, highlighting various features.]]
Inventor: To turn it on, you have to turn a little knob and wait a few minutes for it to warm up. Once you hear the throaty rumble, you know it's operational.
Inventor: If it senses that it's below freezing outside, it makes you pour salt into a little hole.

Inventor: Every few months you have to open it up and swap out some tiny little bulbs.
Inventor: You can only get them from one store all the way across town.

Technology Critic: Does it send text messages?
Inventor: Yeah, but you have to spell them out by shouting each letter individually.
Inventor: Then, an hour later, the recipient gets a fax

{{header: the experience of WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: The phone's oil should be changed every 3000 minutes}}

The phone's oil should be changed every 3000 minutes

#1050; In which a Phone is made Familiar

  — July 31st, 2014

[ Tags: , , ]       Permalink: https://wondermark.com/c/1050/

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Bolted! Fulfillment Update

May 25, 2026 by David Malki !
Photo courtesy of backer Nicola!

The vast majority of Bolted! game shipments are already shipped, but I understand if you don’t have yours yet, who cares. Here’s a progress report:

Total orders | 1052
Surveys completed | 992
Fully shipped | 946

Incomplete surveys

Obviously, if I don’t have your shipping address, I can’t ship your game! Let me know if you are missing a survey link. As new responses come in, they are rapidly added to the shipping queue.

Orders containing certain add-ons

Some of the add-ons proved more popular than expected — which is lovely! But it meant I had to reprint some stickers, make all the individual comic prints, request a shipment of books from offsite storage, etc, etc. So, any orders which contain an out-of-stock item are still waiting to ship.

All that missing stuff, though, is en route to me at this very second! So those orders will be going out pretty dang soon!

Custom items

I’ve already been in touch directly with the backers who ordered custom collages! Those will be created (and sent to you) after all the other shipments are complete. I’m excited for those, they’ll be fun! My pleasant dessert after the hearty meal of all the other orders.

Anything wrong?

I’m very grateful to the few folks who’ve contacted me to report some kind of issue with their shipment! Thankfully, problems are rare, but when they do occur, I would like to solve them. Please don’t hesitate to send me an email (replying to your shipping confirmation works great) if there’s anything about your order I can correct.

Reviews & photos

On BoardGameGeek are highly appreciated!

Unless you hate the game! You are entitled to that opinion, but please send that review directly to me instead of telling anyone else, so I can eat it and bury it in the yard and watch it grow into a twisted, gnarled tree. Or whatever!


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