“Emperor” Sweepstakes RESULTS

Thanks to everyone who picked up a copy of Emperor of the Food Chain during the sweepstakes entry period! Time to award some GREAT PRIZES.

METHODOLOGY: Everyone who sent in a valid entry form, whether online or in the mail, had the chance to specify which drawing(s) to be entered into. Their entry (or entries) are entered into each drawing separately — so if someone had two entries, and chose two drawings, they got two entries in each drawing.

I then assigned each entry in each drawing a unique number, and used a random number generator from random.org to pick the winners. So without futher ado…

- ART COLLECTOR PRIZE -

The one-of-a-kind signed and framed Piranhamoose print, featuring the fearsome skeleton of the beast on display in a museum of horrors, is awarded to…

Benjamin Parker of Washington, DC! Congrats Benjamin! Benjamin’s favorite animal, according to his entry form, is the dojo loach (a type of fish), because “they go crazy, zipping up and down in the tank when the barometric pressure is shifting a great deal, and the rest of the time they are cuddly, lying in loach-piles. Also, a rare fish which will let you pet it.”

Benjamin, that sounds just DELIGHTFUL.

On to the…

- BIBLIOPHILE PRIZE -

In which cpies of one of my favorite books ever, The Book of Heroic Failures, complete (in some cases) with used-bookstore stickers still affixed, will be awarded to…

Brent Kroeker, whose favorite animal is the platypus, because “it’s so butt ugly that it makes me shoot fluid out of my nose. I’m insensitive like that.”

Andrew Kitchin, whose favorite animal is “the venerated three-toed sloth, for its hallmark behaviours embody the very maxims I find so difficult to avoid in my adult life (and which make the leading of a productive adult life extremely difficult).”

Janel Christensen, whose favorite animal is “a giraffe, because they have spots and are tall.” (Editor’s note: this is an indisputable fact)

John DeFilippo, whose favorite animal is the wolverine, “because, um… duh?” (I assume John is a fan of the movie Red Dawn.)

Pam Whiting, whose favorite animal is the naked mole rat, because “they are so very, very ugly and completely unlovable, yet possess a certain dignity and singularity of purpose that is appealing.”

Kate Moon, whose favorite animals are “the hummingbirds that stage epic battles in my yard and use me for a human shield. A battle royale, if you will.” Don’t worry, Kate, I will.

Carol DuVernois, whose says “Me Like Monkeys! Because you are supposed to love your mother and father!”

- HIGH ROLLER PRIZE -

Now, here are the people I will instantly make into Zimbabwean trillionaires, allowing them to (perhaps!) buy a single egg or a crust of bread in pre-revaluation Zimbabwe:

Rebecca Dridan!
Favorite animal: “Dragon: a lizard with wings, who wouldn’t think that’s cool? :)”

Alex Grigg!
Favorite animal: “Elephant, they’re scared of mice.”

John Moorman!
Favorite animal: “Rock Cavy.” (Editor’s note: I thought this was the name of a person until I Googled it.) (It being a real animal does not, of course, preclude it also being the name of a person.)

Richard Kempter!
Favorite animal: “Wolf.”

David Ellerie!
Favorite animal: UNSPECIFIED. (I will just assume it’s the zebrabear.)

Josh Benfey!
Favorite animal: “3-toed sloth, because obviously.”

Alex Douville!
Favorite animal: “Chas Chandler, for any number of reasons.”

Jed Shambeda!
Favorite animal: “The Koala, because they have two opposable thumbs and I always wanted an extra thumb.”

John McCarthy!
Favorite animal: “My dog Junior, Jr. He’s my direwolf.” (Editor’s note: NEPOTISM)

William de Cordova!
Favorite animal: “Hermit crab.”

Kimberly Sysak!
Favorite animal: “Rabbit — cuddly, soft, quiet, delicious.”

Kevin Grant!
Favorite animal: “Turctopus — because everyone gets a drumstick.”

Fernando Wagner!
Favorite animal: “Oddly enough, it is a tie between the piranha and the moose. So I had to have this book.”

Chris Shabsin!
Favorite animal: “The penguin is always dressed for the occasion.”

I feel like I know these people so well now. TRY NOT TO LET BECOMING A TRILLIONAIRE CHANGE YOU

And finally…

- BEHIND THE SCENES PRIZE -

One lucky (?) person will receive the original, scribbled-on stack of paper that comprises my notes and first-draft compositions for much of the original written material in this book. And that person is:

Robert Nickerson! Robert’s favorite animals are monkeys, because “they’re like people, only BETTER because they have freaking TAILS, man.” (Editor’s note: also indisputable)

Thank you!

Thank you for entering the contest, and I hope you are enjoying your books! Of course, although the contest is over, you can still get the book right now if you haven’t yet, or come see me this weekend at APE in San Francisco (booth 821).

Winners, please send me a mailing address (just reply to your entry confirmation email) and I’ll get the prizes in the mail next week! Hooray, and thanks again for reading Wondermark!