The first fifty or so 2012 Wondermark Calendars have already been spoken for!

I’m finishing up the verses now and hope to start printing the pages next week. It’s gonna be a beauty, I can tell you that right now.

But since the design’s not quite finalized yet, there’s still a chance to make some last-minute additions. So in the comments, suggest a holiday that you’d like to see on the 2012 Calendar. I’ll pick my favorite few from each month, and canonize them so that everyone who picks up one of the calendars will be sure to celebrate it in the coming year.

The calendars already include all the standard U.S. and Canadian calendar holidays, plus Wondermark’s birthday (April 25) and my own (September 21). Your suggested holidays should not:

- be the same date as any existing holiday (there isn’t space to print duplicate text on given days)

- be just your own birthday or anniversary or something

- be longer than a couple words

- be real

It should:

- Be short
- Be funny
- Include a brief explanation that I’ll archive here on the site for people to consult throughout the year.

EXAMPLE:

“January 5, Poop-on-Cats-Day. This is when everybody gets back at their cats by holding them down and pooping on them. Traditionally followed by January 6, Wash-Your-Cats-Day, and January 7, Hospital Day.”

Except not that exactly BECAUSE NOW THAT’S TAKEN. Leave yours in the comments! UPDATE: Okay that’s it for now! I’ll post a roundup of my favorites soon. Thanks for all the great suggestions.

Here is the first bunch of photos from the Classy Photo Contest! Thanks to everyone who entered. These in particular are the entries that attempted to reproduce a single comic panel. I’ve juxtaposed each with the panel it is attempting to reproduce.

This first one depicts a panel from my short story “Treachery!” (shown here in minicomic form; reprinted in my hardcover book Beards of our Forefathers). It is certainly the classiest sort of murder around! Gather in the parlor, the butler did it, &c. The description submitted with the photo reads:

So strongly possessed was I by the urge for a friendly round of blind-man’s-buff with my loving wife that I did not trouble myself to change out of my shirtsleeves or even to put down the latest by Mr. Malki !. I knew all that nonsense about someone killing my father was an ephemerality.

This one, of course, is from Comic #378, In which Children suffer. Extremely strong entry; top marks for costume creativity! The description provides a helpful 80s-teen-movie-style epilogue to the comic in question:

The Diver went on to lifeguard at different YMCA. He still hasn’t shut up.

One of the Children became the first zombie president of the United States.

The Bear was acquitted of all charges after jinxing the prosecution… He never did receive his Coke.

This entry from Claire, recreating a panel from #601; The Discovery that Changed the World, has everything I like in it: Cheetos, chopsticks, and attention to typographic detail. Claire writes:

I attempted to grow a beard for more accurate panel recreation but was met with little success and faking a beard isn’t really my style.

I must say I will never eat Cheetos any other way EVER again. I am going to carry around chopsticks expressly for the purpose of Cheeto consumption.

I think I should have gotten a larger bag, but I am just glad I still have a black jacket.

Claire also contributes this entry from #607; The Peaches That Were Left, but admits:

I meant this as a joke originally, because really! the panel is just a hand holding two fruit. Now I encountered a problem since it’s not peach season and where I live there are none available. But I got as close as I could, and close isn’t that close.

Here, from Andrew, is a panel from #387; In which Baggage is emblazoned. This is hopefully the only time that sticker has ever made its way into real life. Andrew writes:

“I’m TIRED of being upstaged by more talented MOD fans. I guess I just have to make my submissions more DISTINCTIVE somehow…”

Andrew, let us know if you ever lose that suitcase. I’d like to know if the sticker actually works.

This one’s super great! It recreates #191; In which a Tiny Dinosaur factors, which has the distinction of being the specific comic incredulously described by Jesse Thorn during my 2008 Sound of Young America interview, during which I had a throat infection and so spoke with a certain gravitas I have never since been able to match. The submitter of this photo writes:

The handsome fellow in the photo is my brother and that is his dinosaur, Diny (pronounced DYE-nee). Fun facts about this photo:

The scowl on my brother’s face was because I told him, “Imagine they’ve found Roderick’s body and it’s all Diny’s fault.” Also, he was incredibly bored.

The ‘sword’ is two-toned because it can retract. This means that you can flick the sword to extend it, which is very fun to do.

Diny has not told anyone to commit a crime (that I know of). In fact, he is a good, law-abiding stegosaurus.

Super fond of troublemaking big siblings dragging little brothers on boring adventures. Top marks.

Vanessa sends in this recreation of #238; In which Education is Vital. I am not sure that this is entirely historically accurate, but I am willing to make some minor exceptions for anyone who can balance on a cardboard unicycle. Vanessa writes:

Fact: our neighbors came out and watched us try to set up our delayed-timer camera on top of an IKEA magazine on top of a rubber tote, on top of a kitchen chair.

+5 bonus points for weirding out the neighbors. That was the point of this entire contest.

Also from Vanessa, recreating the most popular Wondermark comic of all time, #657; The Negotiator. “He who is without sin among you,” she writes, “let him be the first to throw rock-paper-scissors.” Vanessa, I say to you: DONE.

This is a very strong entry, recreating #507; In which Leopold is located. The word balloons are a nice bonus touch, and also note the attention to detail on the footwear. The cat in particular is striking an extremely accurate pose. By way of explanation, the submitter writes “In the live action version, Leopold was played by a much smaller man.”

Another quite strong entry (even the pots look basically correct) from the same submitter, recreating #372; In which Events end Poorly. Captioned, of course, “YOU FAILED THE TEST JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN JR”

Judge John Hodgman, Jr. is the name of the cat. And why not. I myself have a cat named Mall of America, after John Hodgman’s life-changing article in The Areas of My Expertise. Still: um, run?

Now then! I have my favorites, and of course we will show some of the other category of Classy Merchandise Photos later. But first: let’s have a vote! (If you’re reading this on a feed and the voting box doesn’t appear, click through to the post.) Here are the contenders:

If only Judge John Hodgman, Jr could have kept himself from jumping on that chair before the photo was taken he’d be a lock

Marksman Evan W. with an early entry – featuring the Steam Powered shirt. (Click photo for bigger)

Break out your cameras! I’m pleased to announce the first-ever Wondermark Classy Photo Contest!

The rules are simple:

1. Take a classy photo featuring yourself (or other humans or animals) along with any item from the Wondermark Goodsery: a book, T-shirt, poster, etc. Multiple items in the same photo are OK. Be creative! Pretend you’re doing a catalog shoot for the item. You can define “classy” however you want — it doesn’t necessarily have to mean “wearing a top hat” although that is probably fine.

2. Upload your picture! Join the new Wondermark Flickr Group, upload your entry, and tag it “wondermarkclass”.

3. Write something in the description — about you, about the photo, how you thought of the idea, where you took it, etc. I want this set to be fun for folks to browse and read!

4. REPEAT UNTIL EXHAUSTED OR DEAD

Photos will be JUDGED and PRIZES AWARDED. Scoring will be based on:

20% Classiness
30% Quality of photography
50% Creativity
+10% Extra credit for description

I will award at least one BEST IN SHOW award of $100 cash, and (depending on number of entries) I also expect to award other prizes as well, including a Best-in-Category Prize for the best photo of each particular Wondermark item. So your odds will be better if you choose one of the less common items!

If you do not have any Wondermark items to take pictures of, I will also accept entries that recreate, in a photograph, any single panel in Wondermark history. Your choice! (In the description on Flickr, please cite the comic you’re recreating.) There will be a special prize category for these entries.

If you don’t have a Flickr account, you can still enter the contest by emailing me your entry; I’ll upload it for you. Send it to dave at wondermark dot com, with the subject line “Classy Photo: [Some brief description].”

Put in an actual description, not the actual words “Some brief description”, even though it would be a hilarious joke.

More Rules

1. You may enter as many times as you like. Collaborative entries are OK too.

2. Remember that part of the judging will be on photo quality, so webcam and cellphone shots will likely suffer on that score. Take as nice a picture as you can!

3. There must be someone in the picture — I can take my own pictures of my stuff sitting there alone. Animals are OK; people are better.

4. The use of photomanipulation is OK, so long as the subject of the picture is clear. I may award both a “best manipulated” and a “best naturalistic” award, depending on the number of entries.

5. You agree that by submitting a photo, I’m allowed to repost it here on Wondermark, or on TopatoCo. (You of course retain the copyright to it, unless you choose otherwise.)

6. The deadline to submit or upload photos will be the end of the day (midnight Pacific time) on Monday, November 7th. So you’ve got three weeks!

SIMULTANEOUS CONTEST ALERT

We are also holding a nearly identical photo contest over at Machine of Death! You can also enter that one if you want to win another $100 cash prize.

The rules are all the same, except instead of a classy Wondermark photo, you must submit a Machine of Death Evidence Photo. This should be a single photo that tells the story of a Machine of Death prediction — most likely come true in an ironic fashion. (More info on what that means.)

Our favorite MOD photos will win prizes as well, and will be shown at the upcoming Super-Stupendous Machine of Death Magic & Variety Show! Oh did I mention that I am putting on a magic and variety show? I am. It’ll be in Hollywood, CA on November 17th. Details here, with more to come!

Upload your MOD photos (tagged “modevidence”) to the just-as-new MOD Flickr Group, or email them to submit at machineofdeath dot net, subject “Evidence Photo: [Some description].”

The deadline and other guidelines are the same! This is what we call SYNERGY. Any questions? Leave a comment. Can’t wait to see your photos!

Here is a new thing! In the Wondermark Caption Contest, I invite you to come up with the perfect caption for this image. The best caption will win a signed, personalized print of the cartoon, and your caption will be rendered CANON.

I’m holding the contest at Wondermark’s Facebook page — please submit your suggested captions there, so everyone can read them! (And check out other folks’ submissions too!) If you don’t have a Facebook account, you can email me instead; that’s fine.

Enter as many captions as you like! I’ll pick my favorite caption and announce the winner on Friday, February 18.

Wondermark Caption Contest #1

In a recent strip about Boggle, I used the word “glond” ostensibly as a made-up word, a word so obviously silly that no one could take it seriously, but yet which could be argued to be somehow real.

Well, here is a note from Marksman Nikolardo, who sends the following pictures to support an argument I would not have believed without documentation. This dictionary is used in the Nikolardo family for both Boggle and Scrabble:

And in this dictionary, there is a certain page…

And on this page there is something miserable:

GLOND.

Now, then: Nikolardo points out that the bottom section of the page, where “glond” is found, is a special space for “words which were variants and/or archaic at the time this dictionary was printed, which was 1918.” So it can be argued that “glond” is not really a word. Not anymore.

And what is glond? “Awlwort” or “Cowherb.” THOSE ARE NOT WORDS EITHER.

Due to this overwhelming evidence I am going ON THE RECORD as declaring “glond” NOT A WORD, either now or EVER IN THE FUTURE. Glond is BLACKBALLED from the English language FOREVER.

What a glommox we have made of this situation! (Thanks for the pictures, Nikolardo!)

I am uneasy with my fortunes resting in the hands of others.

As you may know, every year I design a hand-printed, limited-edition calendar. My wife and I use a RISO Print Gocco screenprinting press to create the actual pages. The trouble is that Gocco supplies have been discontinued by the manufacturer, and inventory on the secondary market is dwindling rapidly. Thankfully, however, enterprising and crafty folk have managed to create workarounds — one of them involves these aftermarket plastic frames. A savvy fellow in Germany manufactures them as replacements for the original Gocco supplies, and (in a fairly savvy business move) he has limited the distribution of them to a single retailer in the US.

Long story short, I am in the market for 38 of these frames for this year’s calendar, and the US retailer charges what I consider an exorbitant price. My question to you is this: how hard are these to make?

Are you involved in plastics manufacturing? Do you have access to a laser-cutter or a water-jet or a die-stamper or whatever would be appropriate to use to make these? I would be willing to manufacture a few hundred of these frames if it meant I would be assured of having calendar supplies for years to come. They’re pretty thin material, maybe 1/16″ or so, and I don’t think the specific plastic used even matters — they just have to be this very specific size so they fit the Gocco equipment.

I’m shifting calendar creation into high gear (watch for the pre-order going live next week!) and would love to somehow get a batch of these rapidly…or if nothing else, find someone who can make them for next year.

Would you like some business, Plastics Manufacturer Who Reads Wondermark? Email me please! Tell me how this process works. I want to seize control of this; I am tired of other people dictating how I can make my things.

UPDATE: Thank you for the kind emails, comments and suggestions! I am currently following up on several different options.

Now then! If you’re not in plastics manufacturing but you’ve still read down this far, here is your reward (hat tip to Kevin McShane):

My friend and colleague Todd Croak-Falen (who produced and co-wrote my short spy spoof Expendable) is applying to the Electrical Training Institute of Southern California’s apprenticeship program (Los Angeles Local 11 chapter). He passed the written test with flying colors and is now scheduled for an interview on Wednesday as the next phase of the application. He hopes to become an Inside Wireman.

I thought I’d use my soapbox here to ask: are you an electrician with a familiarity with this program? Would you be able to offer Todd a few words of advice regarding what to expect in the interview, or how to make the best impression? What are they looking for? Please email me (dave at wondermark dot com) and I will forward all comments to Todd.

His interview’s this Wednesday morning, so a quick note now is better than a treatise later! Todd’s a smart dude, a hard worker, and I’d love to give him the best shot at getting into this program. Thanks so very much!

Spotted at (or at least made for) the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert Rally to Restore Sanity.

I’m flattered! This is seriously very cool.

Over on the Machine of Death site we’ve answered some questions about our upcoming October 26 Amazon.com flash-mob superblitz, and raised a few more of our own:

While we’re happy to offer [a Kindle] version for folks who don’t want to deal with a physical book for any of a million great reasons, it should be said that Amazon treats a Kindle book as an entirely separate product from the printed book. Thus, buying the Kindle version doesn’t contribute to the main flash-mob campaign. If we can get a secondary campaign going for the Kindle version, great, that’d be amazing! But we’re also a little concerned about splitting the effort.

Should we make a Kindle version? What are the implications for the campaign? We also talk about time zones and some other stuff; go check it out and give us your thoughts! Other questions about the project can be directed over there as well, so everyone can see them and contribute (rather than sequestering them here on Wondermark).

I also feel like this is a fine time to share this photo sent in by Marksman Alexandre I., who explains:

Four of us share a suite in a dorm here at Pittsburgh University, with two rooms and a conjoining lounge. We despise blank walls and have a rather exorbitant printing budget of 800 sheets per semester, so we rasterbated Lincoln to the ambitious scale of 7×14 A4 sheets or roughly 6.5ft x 10ft.

Tremendous, Alexandre. Tremendous.

(Rasterbator is, of course, the website that blows up and allows you to print out massive wall-sized images made from individual sheets of paper. Should everybody do this, with every one of my comics? I think the answer is obviously yes)

I received a lovely email recently from Joanne, a reference librarian in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Joanne had a problem: her library had to get rid of some old books, and she had to find homes for them! Well, as you might imagine, this is hardly a problem for me, as I told her to send them on over.

And send them she did! Look at this delightful packing job. These books arrived in amazing condition and I eagerly flipped through them hunting for jewels.

Comic #648, the latest as of this writing, was created entirely from images taken from the book on the right, 1896′s Kate Carnegie by Ian MacLaren. Here’s a closer view at some of the original images.

Thank you very much, Joanne! And thank you to Toni, who just sent me a CD full of scans from 1882′s Collier’s Cyclopedia of Social and Commercial Information. Thank you to the kind chap whom I met at Comic-Con and who gave me an illustration of a man’s leg being amputated — that is just waiting to find a home in Wondermark somewhere. Thank you to Douglas who alerted me to a particularly great eBay find; thank you to Conch in Portland who brought me a whole stack of books at last year’s Wordstock (from whence came this); and to David in Colorado who sent me a massive box of 1880s Scientific American that I’ve been mining for years.

Guys I get the best mail