The first fifty or so 2012 Wondermark Calendars have already been spoken for!
I’m finishing up the verses now and hope to start printing the pages next week. It’s gonna be a beauty, I can tell you that right now.
But since the design’s not quite finalized yet, there’s still a chance to make some last-minute additions. So in the comments, suggest a holiday that you’d like to see on the 2012 Calendar. I’ll pick my favorite few from each month, and canonize them so that everyone who picks up one of the calendars will be sure to celebrate it in the coming year.
The calendars already include all the standard U.S. and Canadian calendar holidays, plus Wondermark’s birthday (April 25) and my own (September 21). Your suggested holidays should not:
– be the same date as any existing holiday (there isn’t space to print duplicate text on given days)
– be just your own birthday or anniversary or something
– be longer than a couple words
– be real
It should:
– Be short
– Be funny
– Include a brief explanation that I’ll archive here on the site for people to consult throughout the year.
EXAMPLE:
“January 5, Poop-on-Cats-Day. This is when everybody gets back at their cats by holding them down and pooping on them. Traditionally followed by January 6, Wash-Your-Cats-Day, and January 7, Hospital Day.”
Except not that exactly BECAUSE NOW THAT’S TAKEN. Leave yours in the comments! UPDATE: Okay that’s it for now! I’ll post a roundup of my favorites soon. Thanks for all the great suggestions.
August 12th -Saint Crepes Day – Generally only observed in pre-war Belgium, it’s celebrates the patron saint of waffles, Simon du Crepes, who was killed in the great pancake flood of 1483.
Feb 23 – Anvil Launching Day (ref: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anvil_firing )
Feb 24 – Hard Hat Awareness Day
March 4 – the only day that is a verb
March 14 – pi(e) day, also Einstein’s birthday
June 28 – two pi(e) day
Nov 7tj, Ph-D-day – the day all grad students give up on their hopeless pursuits and dance naked around a bonfire made entirely of their thesis and free food. Not to be mistaken with Happy Supervisor Day (June 5th) – the day all supervisors dance naked around the smouldering remains of their students’ theses.
September 7 – Unicorn Day. Self-explanatory.
January 5 – Twelfth Night. It’s marks the end of the Christmas season (and in some countries the beginning of Carnival season), and is cause for celebration: there is a medieval tradition of putting a bean in a cake, and whoever gets the slice of cake containing the bean is the lord or lady of the evening’s merriment. Also a great opportunity to get your friends together for a reading of Shakespeare’s play of the same name.
Eastecost: Combine whatever traditions suit your mood from Easter and Pentecost, on the first Friday of February, a month otherwise noted for its stubborn absence of anything festive.
May 7: Celebration of Hats- a day when people celebrate the joys of haberdashery.
October 20: Festival of Socks- the day when you contemplate pulling out your wooly socks for winter.
October 21: Lost Socks Day- when unmatched socks are finally laid to rest in hopes they will find their lost companions.
August 3rd: Day of the Penguin Revolution. Their day is coming, thet y will rise up and overthrow. Possibly…
July 23rd: St. Mugwumbler’s day (patron saint of those who wumble mugs- of course)
November 15th: PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!
November 16th: HANGOVER! HANGOVER! HANGOVER!
March 23-24 (8:35pm-8:35pm)-. International Objectivity Appreciation Day. A day to acknowledge that years are only suitable periods for repeated dates in dimensions that we are aware of, and that while penguins do not currently seem to be capable of writing screenplays for rock opera musicals, this is only limited to our interpretation of their methods of communication.
October 26: St. Elsewhere Day. On this day we celebrate the patron saint of medical dramas. Typical celebration is building a small shrine to George Clooney, or alternately burning him in effigy.
September 19th: International Talk Like A Pirate Day (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/System_Administrator_Appreciation_Day). On this day, everyone observing this holiday talks like a pirate from waking to sleeping. Not that tricky (also my birthday, but that’s not allowed).
Last Friday of July (in 2012, that’s the 27th July): System Administrator Appreciation Day (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/System_Administrator_Appreciation_Day). Show your appreciation for your system administrator. Places like ThinkGeek and CafePress have sales on this day.
December 14: Monkey Day (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_Day). People dress up like monkeys to raise awareness of animal rights, medical research, and evolution. Some webcomics (including this august institution Wondermark) have done webcomics to celebrate (unfortunately, the website that lists this is inactive, and the images of comics past have mostly gone bye-bye).
February 22nd: Recursion Day. See 2/22, Recursion Day.
Last monday in may, the traditional cheese rolling festival of gloucestershire. Not a spoof, a tradition going back 200 years, with a surprisingly high injury rate.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooper%27s_Hill_Cheese-Rolling_and_Wake
16/03 is Tautology Day, as Tautology Day falls on the 16th of March.
20th July – The Feast of St. Owens. In honour of Richard Owens, coiner of the term ‘Dinosaur’, every young child is encouraged to carry a small replica of a Dinosaur with them at all times. The feast is concluded in the traditional manner of Owens himself – scooping out your enemy’s spine and keeping it in a jar in your office.
December 2nd – Festival of Completed Calendars. Marks the day that noted Calendiarist David Malki! began the great achievement of his life, a fully indexed and cross-referenced Calendar of all completed holidays.
January 28: Y’haug’f’than. A day predicted by the astrologies of long burnt out stars in which Esh’am’borath the Goat Mother of Ten Thousand Young will ascend from the murky, cyclopean gates of the Neverliving and rend the sanity from our still screaming husks. Typically celebrated by the exchange of trite greeting cards, or by that one annoying woman at work that bakes cupcakes at any excuse.
June 12: Death by Tentacles Day. In memoriam of all the intrepid sailors, airship captains, sailboats and Japanese anime girls viciously violated and slain by oversized octupi, mutant cuttlefish and alien cephalopod-like creatures.
May 21: Spanish Soup Day, wherein we eat Spanish soup.
May 25th, Crystal Meth and Chia Pets day. Show your reverence to the greatest cash crop of the American South, then try your hand at growing green hair on a little man.
May 14th, Conspiracy day (or maybe Truth Seeker Day). This day of the year is reserved for the paranoid and non-paranoid alike, the truth seekers of the world. On this day everybody wears their tinfoil hats and other anti-surveillance gear, and all gather in random location around the urban and rural areas to confuse the evil reptilian overlords who secretly rule us masquerading as humans. Or to but an end to the secret subliminal messages found in ads, who are placed there by ugly skeleton looking aliens in charge of a massive campaign to keep humans subdued. Or the truth behind the assassination of president Lincoln, the Kennedy family, who want to use their inter-dimensional vortex generator to create a rift between earth and Sigma 2, the galaxy of bizarre pudding creatures who are planning on consuming us for our marrow. President Lincoln was on to them, he knew they had secret bases on the south of America and thats why he send in the blue coats to stop them in time. YOU CANT FOOL ME OBAMA, I KNOW YOU’RE READING THIS. GO BACK TO PLANET KENYA!
11-July: Monsoon Day
Inspired by the “Russian Unicorn” youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjaZNYSt7o0
August 14th: Niles Lichness Day. Niles was the little-known inventor of string…
May 19th – Fingerprint Awareness Day. This is the day when all citizens are encouraged to really look carefully at their hands and marvel at the wonders of the whorls and crevices unique to their own astounding digits. The first F,A.D. happened when the a gas leak occurred in the White House press room while the President was giving an address to the nation.
June 21 — Sartre’s birthday. Let’s remember that hell is other people and sleep with french girls.
11/05, or possibly 05/11–Reverse Date Day. Whether you write the month first or the day first, today’s the day to switch them around for wacky hijinks! Make ruining your filing fun for the whole family!
July 29th– National Ice Cream Day– because it’s freaking hot and everyone could use an excuse to skip work and go have some ice cream! 🙂
June 8th : Colouring the Troops Day
This is the day before the annual ‘Trooping the Colour’ ceremony, so all British Grenadiers are given a fresh coat of paint: red paint on their tunics, black paint on their headgear, pink (or brown) on their faces, and a coat of gloss varnish over all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czNUpvZRC7o&t=6m25s
March 3rd – Apathy Day… whatever.
Also have put put in another vote for Pi day if you don’t already have it. It’s the best.
Oct 1. Fluvial Geomorphology Day. About time we fluvial geomorphologists got some props.
May I make a suggestion for The Feast of Maximum Occupancy?
I don’t care what date it is, I saw it on The Simpsons years ago and thought, now there’s a day that needs celebrating!
The Black Feast of St. Argyle’s: some random day in January or February. It’s the day you rescheduled your winter holiday to, either because you couldn’t get time off in December to visit your folks or because you were stuck with your in-laws on Christmas. It’s a second chance to get your holidays right. My family has celebrated this for years.
17 February: Accordion & Bagpipe Day – The one day a year reserved for the playing of said instruments without getting pelted by rotting fruit and bricks.
26 January: Catapult Day – Launch something!
23 July: Just Make It Day – It’s a hot, lazy day, so head on out to the backyard, bust out the toolbox, and take that Complicated Thing apart, and see if you can put it back together! Or see if you can build a Complicated Thing in the first place! A day to throw away the instructions and pick up a project.
March 28th: Enervation Day. I’d explain it, but . .. ……
January 11th: St. Whinge’s* Day
This is a day for letting off the steam over all your bad luck in the past year, and the unfairness of the universe in general. On this day, children may carry a hat or cap in their hand, and anyone may toss a coin into it. Anyone who does is entitled to tell the child about an instance from the past year where the malevolent forces of the world clearly conspired against any sensible probability. The child is expected to listen attentively and reply with the ritual words: “Well, that’s just incredibly bad luck, that is!”
*He who uttered the immortal words “Three ones? I rolled three ones on that? That’s not possible, that is!”
March 14 — Time Travel Holiday
Celebrate time travel by simply flipping the calendar ahead or behind (your choice!) and relive or live as if it is that day.
This holiday was started by the overwhelming mass of humanity that simply kept forgetting to turn the calendar page and lived as if it was 2011 for far too long.
Briefly followed by a WHAT IS TIME? Day of thoughtfulness and philosophy.
July 10th – Orthodox Independence Day. Reject the Gregorian calendar of British Imperialist Oppression!
July 3rd: Dependence Day (UK only). A day for British people to reminisce about their country’s declining global power. Weather forecast is for intermittent showers.
September 2: Picklemas. Celebration of the end of the pickle harvest. Traditional activities include the Pickle Festival, pickle rolling, and the charitable distribution of small jars of gherkins to families too poor to afford pickles of their own.
Varies on the lunar cycle (usually mid-August to early September) – Yum Kipper: the traditional Jewish holiday where everyone eats disgusting smoked fish and cream cheese and complains and/or brags about their children.
June 25th – High School’s Out, It’s Party Time Day
For all those high schoolers finally free from the tyranny of education, June 25th is a day where you MUST eat five popsicles, dance for AT LEAST 1.5 hours but NO MORE than 3 hours, and declare, at the top of your lungs, “SCHOOOOL’S OUUT FORREVER!” Any high school student who does not fufill these requirements must attend summer school. Exceptions will be made for those who are incapable of speaking, dancing, or eating popsicles.
Last Saturday in February: El Dia De Carne – The traditional* Argentinian** feast of various and sundry meats from dawn til dusk. Typically accompanied by the consumption of wine in the Malbec style.
3rd Saturday on October: St. Shawnski Day – The celebration of St. Shawnski, who discovered in 1603 that you can slap a name on a day and get people to celebrate it. Consecrated by gathering with friends and strangers alike and inbibing the more rare and delicious forms of alcohol. People caught drinking light beer may be ‘Shawnskied’ – forced to drink something upalatable or to perform some sort of embarassing act, which should be chosen specifically for the perpetrator to induce maximum shame for their disrespect of St. Shawnski.
*Traditional in the sense that it was made up by my brother 4 years ago.
**Argentinian in that it was inspired by the meat loving, Malbec making Argentines, the wonderful people that they are.
You should mark down whatever approximate day it is that Bears start waking up from their winter sleep. I’m guessing April 13 or something. Its a scary time for all when the lumbering giants begin to once again terrorize the country side. We need to know what day to start watching out for the Bears!
It wouldn’t even have to be a real holiday, just a little disclaimer around mid April “Warning! Watch for waking Bears!” Because that means the safety from bear attack we all enjoyed during the winter months is over, and now we must face the long summer months vigilant against our enemy, The Bear.
And then in October when the bears are getting sleepy again, you could mark another day, celebrating the end of the Bear’s reign of Terror! Thank goodness, we can travel the country side again without worrying about BEAR ATTACK. They are going back to sleep! Time to get on with our lives. Woooooooo.
March 26 — execution of Thomas de Mahy, marquis de Favras
Who, upon ascending the guillotine, was presented a written copy of his crimes against the French people and remarked, “I see you have made 3 spelling mistakes.” Not to be confused with St. John Bosco, patron said of editors (January 31)
April 29th – Normal Day – Treat this day as though there were no holiday.
July 13th – Dispose Slacks Day – Throw out your old slacks in honor of the people who deposed the nefarious St. Pantsenhosen of Slackenstein, enemy of the 1990’s skorts, 1890’s kilts, and 20th century jeans.
August 12th – Baby Butter Day – Butter up the baby, and slide him around the house. It’s wacky, but don’t let the King of Lichtenstein hear you say that. It’s been a time honored tradition since at least the 19th century when the Great Churner took office and eradicated childhood emaciation with nothing but butter.
4th week of September to 2nd week of October:
Oktoberfesterdammerung.
You start out celebrating Oktoberfest in the afternoon as normal, drinking beer, eating sausage, etc. As afternoon turns to evening, the festivities take on an increasingly melancholy tone, and you are overcome by a vague sense of loss. This becomes tempered with fond memories of youth, and slowly turns into a generalized mourning for a golden age now past. If you do it correctly, you should start to see the stars blink out of the sky by about 9pm or so.
November 1 – Pentacle Amnesty Day
Wherein owners of unregistered pentacles can turn in their magical amulet to a representative of Spellcaster’s Union Local 666 without punishment by hex or judgment.
June 11th; Bag-on-the-head Day!! Everyone wears a paper bag over their head. NO DECORATING OF BAGS ALLOWED- two (or fewer) eyehole cut outs permitted and encouraged!
A celebration of uniform conformity as humanity loses its individuality for the sake of the common man!
March 20 – Beard Solstice Day
In which winter beards are shaved as spring approaches, then they are adopted and nurtured by caring souls until they migrate to another facial roost the following winter.
December 2nd: Listening Day. Commemorating ListeningRoom.net which hosted the QwantzListens celebration of music. Generally celebrated by sharing mixtapes (or equivalent) with friends and loved ones, exposing them to music they might not hear otherwise.
http://fettig.net/weblog/2011/11/28/listening-room-shutting-down-december-2/
National Beard Appreciation Day – Celebrated on the last Saturday in March (March 31st in 2012). It is celebrated by proudly wearing one’s beard in public spaces. Those without beards are expected to provide food and refreshment to their bearded betters. Standing ovations for particularly spectacular specimens are considered a polite show of support. Shaving on National Beard Appreciation Day is considered very gauche.
June 22nd – Happy Aardvark Day! Most sacred holiday in the religion of Aardvarkinism. (Except for those heretics who call themselves the “Faith-Renewed Order of Reformed Aardvarkians”. They celebrate it on June 23rd. Sacrilegious!)
12/12/12 or as i like to call it. .0833333 day.
Nov. 30 — Indignation Day. That sweet spot between Thanksgiving and Christmas where you either a) have one last chance to be good and pissed at everything before getting in the holiday spirit; or b) get the opportunity to really ramp up your frustration at the annoying holiday spectacle that’ll be going on for the next month.
March 29 – Guillotine Maintenance Day
November 30th – Beardsgiving.
Celebrate the true start of the holiday season by surprising your bare-faced family members with new beards as they sleep! Keep it simple with permanent marker, or score bonus points with hobo shavings and super glue. After all, who DOESN’T want a luxurious santa beard in December?!?
April 27th – Festival of Janus (Orthodox Temporal Knights) ends at sundown
April 29th – Festival of Janus (Orthodox Temporal Knights) begins at sundown
August 17th: National Worf Appreciation Day. All citizens are encouraged to take a few minutes to appreciate Worf, who really doesn’t get enough recognition on Star Trek: The Next Generation or Deep Space Nine.
November 4th – Feast of St. Martin, patron saint of onomatopoeia. FWEET! BLOBBLE POIT! CHAKUNG CHAKA CHAKA CHAKA SPROINGACHONK!
March 19 – National Viral Humming Day. Add to the joy of Monday by humming a tune just loudly enough that others hear it and ALSO being humming it. (Side note – viral humming works. This has been demonstrated repeatedly in the library where I work. I once infected a patron with “Darktown Strutter’s Ball”.)
April 20th – Fraptuous day: Where all cube farm employees shed their weighty shackles for 10 min of tap/break dancing on their desks at noon. Started in 1815 by St. James the wicked.
October 8th – Mars Day, dedicated to inspiring awareness for and appreciation of the Red Planet’s natural environment.
The third Saturday of August- Tomorrow’s Eve.
Celebrated before Tomorrow Day (or Today Day, as it is celebrated in Canada), people usually get together and make Tomorrow Day resolutions (go to the grocery store, finally clean the garage) and reminisce about the day past.
Solstmas,
its complicated, but it basically starts with Hanukkah, and ends with Jan 6. It is traditionally celebrated on December 31 with an all night party and presents at midnight.
We have a wiki, http://www.solstmas.org we’re still in beta, but expect a roll out of the holiday in a season near you soon!
July 9: Millard Fillmore Day, last of the Whig presidents!
Which leads to…
July 10: Whig Day. Wherein everyone dons a barrister’s wig and opposes tyranny!
International Divide by Zero Day
February 15th
So she didn’t find your cleverly drawn graph-entine romantic, huh? There’s only one recourse. You know what to do. Godspeed.
Date-based calendar appreciation day: celebrated on the second-to-last Tuesday before the twenty-seventh Monday of years which are, in the Common Era of the Gregorian calendar, 4 times a prime number.
Defenestration Day
July 30th
It’s bothered you all summer long. It’s always there, grinding, whining, buzzing, or looming. The time has come to revolt. Take up arms! Raise the blinds! Shatter the pane! Grip the object of your hatred firmly in hand, then release it onto the world below in a scream of primal rage!
February 30th – Double-Leap Day
A day so rare it hasn’t occurred since 1712! Because it requires Time to leap twice, and it gets quite tired after the first one, usually. (So tired it takes four years to recover, if not more.)
It’s not likely to happen in 2012 either, but we should include it in the hope that it will! We can celebrate its coming in the traditional way, by hopping around like mexican jumping beans all day!
February 21- Feast of St. Flibbertigibbet- feast day of the young woman martyred for forcing others to “check out” her smartphone apps. Traditionally celebrated by arguing the merits of vampires vs. zombies with teenaged girls.
June 18th- Good Day to YOU, Sir – All conversations end with the phrase “Good day to YOU, sir!” followed by the response “Harrumph!” Celebrants traditionally grow mustaches. Those with no facial hair have been know to clip a lock of hair and glue or tape it under their noses. Please note- monocles are no longer manditory.
Fishmas
August 7
Merry Fishmas! We celebrate the miraculous return of the fish on August 7, having been presumably spirited away by The Great Heron some weeks prior.
For information about Bunny Day (26 January) see http://www.yarnivore.com/francis/archives/cat_bunny_day.html .
Thanks,
-V.
May 21: Question Authority Day. A holiday which is rarely actually celebrated without consternation, as many argue that, in keeping with the spirit of the holiday, it would be better to reject the authority of the calender. Others then point out that one might as well also ignore the authority of the holiday itself. This usually leads to recursion and paralyzing doubt.
December 7: Living in Infamy Day
December 26: Battery Industry Appreciation Day. A holiday which is spent buying batteries for all those batteries-not-included toys the kids got for Christmas. Dang expensive kids.
August 3: Greased Countertop Day. Set up the video camera, shave the cat, grease up the countertop, put something the cat wants up there, and film the magic as your shaved cat makes a leap for the treat, slides off, and tries to act like he still has dignity!
Lehman Day
September 15
On Lehman Day we celebrate the great contribution of the investment banking industry to the our communities’ well being. Too often we forget our great debt to these hardworking, modestly rewarded bankers. (Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy on 15 September 2008)
Feast of the Weremice (AUS); First Sunday in June.
Floozleday: Not a holiday per se, but rather the label on the squares not filled in in the calender. Need a day off? cut out one of your floozledays and put it in place of the current day, then call your boss. “No, of course I’m not coming in. it’s Floozleday. I’m not scheduled to work on Floozleday this week.”
May 4th – Star Wars (dedicated to George “you’ll be hearing from my lawyers” Lucas) Day
May 29th – Left of(f) Spring Day. We celebrate the premiere of Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring by having it played and making such a ruckus that no one hears what’s going on anymore. It gets tougher every year as players are more and more able to play those repeated chords REALLY loud.
September 30th, James Dean Day. Anniversary of the car crash that took his life, resulting in the success in his movie “Rebel Without A Cause”, the existence of “9-30-55” starring Richard Thomas, the deservedly bad reputation of California’s Highway 46 and Jimmy Dean becoming famous enough to employ the Muppet Rowlf on his TV show and go into the sausage business.
Note- Lehman Day should not be confused with Jens Lehmann Day (Nov. 10). Celebrate the famously mad German goalkeeper by stamping on people’s feet, launching spittle-flecked tirades against referees, tripping Samuel Eto’o, and peeing in public.
Thanksmas, First Saturday of December. Celebrate a mashup of Thanskgiving and Christmas with your friends because families are terrible and friends are better.
Library Day! June 20, or the closest Saturday.
Library Day is celebrated by parading from house to house at dawn, gathering your friends, dressing in outlandish costumes and waving flags and noisemakers, and marching down the avenue to the local library. Following that, there is folk dancing by the information desk, maypole and morris teams included. Some communities do lion dances, but that custom is not yet universal. At noon, the librarians dish out ice cream, and everyone settles down with their favorite book.
Lykynegius Day [alternate spelling: Lycynegius] (from the Ancient Greek lýkos meaning “wolf” and kynegia meaning “hunting” or “chasing”). This lunar holiday falls on the last full moon before Halloween (October 29 in 2012) and is traditionally celebrated through the hunting of werewolves, who use Halloween’s approach as a cover for making more frequent public appearances. This annual hunt is thought to greatly reduce the annual number of werewolf-related fatalities.
Salami Day – September 7th
Salami day celebrates meaty goodness in tubular form. Did you know that pepperoni is salami? It’s true! There are numerous salami-related traditions (hand-crafting salami favors) recipes (salami crisps) and games (bobbing for sausage), all of which are steeped in reverence and deliciousness.
The holiday was invented in 2006 in Richmond, VA. It’s real, and it’s now celebrated in at least three states.
http://www.salamiday.com/
https://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=31590278695
ooo…
I see that Salami Day is nicely timed to be enjoyed with Picklemas (towards the top of the comments):
What a tasty holiday season!
———-
Carl Zetie
December 2nd, 2011 at 8:28 am
September 2: Picklemas. Celebration of the end of the pickle harvest. Traditional activities include the Pickle Festival, pickle rolling, and the charitable distribution of small jars of gherkins to families too poor to afford pickles of their own.
Feb 11th: 90 degree angle day. The day in which we celebrate all the myriad uses for 90 degree angles and thank the craftsman who toil endlessly bending, folding, molding, casting and otherwise fabricating that most important of angles.
Remember kids! If it ain’t 90 it ain’t RIGHT.
Robotmas! The most 42nd day of the year (February 11). Commemorating the first televised broadcast of a science fiction program, (R.U.R. by the BBC in 1938).
A day to celebrate Robots in pop culture and in our lives.
Celebrate Accordingly!
In northern latitudes, the Saturday of the week containing October 15 is Opening Day of Cuddle Season. Observants typically engage in pairwise physical adjacency, though larger assemblages are not frowned upon.
The first Monday in April is New Toothbrush Day.
It’s been a while. You need a new toothbrush.
August 14—Breakup Day. Personal relationship not working out? Today’s the day to call it quits. By virtue of being antipodean to Valentine’s Day and three months out from the “family holidays” (Thanksgiving and Christmas), Breakup Day is the nadir of emotionality.
@Brian D. Richard
If it’s 90 it’s right, but then again, it’s so square.
EquiLat Day (first day of the 3rd month and 60th day of the year) is a *stronger* contender for the WM calendar, except for the fact that it coincides with Take a Flying Leap Day (February 29th) in 2012.
March 11th: Awkward Breakfast Day – You what you did, and this is your punishment. Now finish up and get to work.
August 5, 2012: International Beer Day. Or, as they refer to it in Milwaukee, “Sunday”.
You can’t have a calendar without Festivus (Dec 23rd)! When else would you air your grievances and exhibit Feats of Strength?
7/22. Pi Approximation Day.
March 10th: Blood Letting Day- in which we celebrate by dotting our bodies with leeches. Followed by-
March 11th: Lethargy Day
June 13th – Right to Arm Bears day. When encountering a bear on this date it is traditional to offer them any weapons one may have about one’s person (under the Mono Lake Accords of 1974 biological, nuclear, chemical and thermobaric weapons need not be offered, unless the carrier really wants to)
Day after Good Friday, Even Better Saturday!
Day after Palm Sunday, Whole Hand Monday!
April 30 – Camerone Day, the sacred day of the French Foreign Legion, when the wooden hand of Captain Danjou is paraded in memory of the epic slaughter of 65 legionnaires during the invasion of Mexico. Because you are a guy who appreciates the “WTF??” of real life.
November 2: Plan Your Epitaph Day. Presumably because your children are both prosaic and hostile.
October 4th: National Fucking Profanity Day. Use words normally regarded as profanity in your regular vocabulary, in a positive manner. Example: “Janet, these fucking muffins are goddamn delicious!”
February 8th: National Brodeo day. The day when all transportation is done by finding the nearest “Bro” and riding them like a horse. In celebration of the day that the intelligent rational population revolted against their tanned popped collared tormentors.
4th Friday of November: national Leftover Pie For Breakfast day
August 4: Exploding Pineapple day – Celebrate that most explosive of fruit! Give them as gifts to excite and surprise your friends
February 13: Desperation Day. 24 hours to make some truly regrettable decisions in a last-ditch effort to avoid spending V-Day alone.
September 17- Emperor Norton Day, commemorating the 152nd anniversary of His Imperial Majesty Norton I’s ascension to the throne of the United States.
October 15 – National Grouch Day. So named after the birthday of Oscar the Grouch. “a day for all Grouches to celebrate their way of life.” (Muppet Wiki). Celebrated in at least 15 different ways.
– RG>
Circling Day
Similar to Boxing Day, only with Circles.
Every third Sunday in August- marks the day when Walt Whitman was reincarnated as several dracenas.
Nov 1 – Commercial Christmas Day
Why wait till December?
February 29 – International Leap Year Day
Bring Your Gas to Work Day – March 22nd
Talk Like Gilbert Gottfried Day – March 23rd
Non-Denominational Regret Day – March 24th
May 21- Rapture Day. A chance to party like it’s the end of the world.
22nd of May: NASA Awareness Day.
Have you heard of NASA? Good!
May 25 – Towel Day.
Douglas Adams. Towels. Need I say more?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Towel_Day
December 4th – Glockenspiel Day – A day for the celebration of percussive metalophones, and remeberance of how the sad lack of said instraments in the oppressive early years of the Cold War resulted in glockenspiel rationing. December 4th marks the day that the triumphant act of defiance by The Chordettes with their recording of “Mr. Sandman” reached No. 1 on the charts, due to it’s popularity as an athem unifying those oppressed by governmental regulationary fetters. In their creative non-violent acapella singing, The Chordettes were able to streach the eight notes of glockenspiel they were alloted to fill their two minute composition.
December 2- Invent-a-Day Day – A day to celebrate special days by adding new ones to the calendar.
August 13th: Brinkmanship Day (alt. Brinksmanship Day). Self-explanatory.
August 25 is of course CONNERYMAS, the anniversary of the coming into the world of Sir Sean Connery. There are also carols:
On the first day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the second day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the third day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the fourth day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me four cat calls, three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the fifth day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me five gold kilts, four cat calls, three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the sixth day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me six martinis shaken, five gold kilts, four cat calls, three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the seventh day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me seven Juniors savéd, six martinis shaken, five gold kilts, four cat calls, three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the eighth day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me eight rats a-drowning, seven Juniors savéd, six martinis shaken, five gold kilts, four cat calls, three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the ninth day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me nine natives dancing, eight rats a-drowning, seven Juniors savéd, six martinis shaken, five gold kilts, four cat calls, three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the tenth day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me ten Nazis leapen, nine natives dancing, eight rats a-drowning, seven Juniors savéd, six martinis shaken, five gold kilts, four cat calls, three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the eleventh day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me eleven penitents passing gaily, ten Nazis leapen, nine natives dancing gaily, eight rats a-drowning, seven Juniors savéd, six martinis shaken, five gold kilts, four cat calls, three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
On the twelfth day of CONNERYMAS Sir Sean Connery gave to me twelve Britons burning, eleven penitents passing gaily, ten Nazis leapen daily, nine natives dancing gaily, eight rats a-drowning daily, seven Juniors savéd gaily, six martinis shaken, five gold kilts, four cat calls, three bond girls, two Scotch eggs and a single malt Scotch whisky.
August 13th – Non-Commemorata Day. On this day, nothing happened.
April 3rd- Nuclear Proliferation Day- Stock up on plutonium and start your own Cold War with your least favorite neighbor. Traditionally, weapons are detonated at 2:39 PM if the other side’s government has not collapsed by then, so it’s usually best to have warmed up your propaganda mill the previous day. Celebrations may be followed by “Send Someone Expendable Outside the Bunker to Check the Radiation Levels” Day; this would generally take place on the same date some 50-100 years later (may be repeated as needed).
January 8th- “I Do Not Have Hundreds of Spiders Crawling All Over My Scalp” Day. To save you the time spent celebrating this every single day of the year, silently trembling in fear that one day, one second, it may cease to be true. Typically, the day is spent murdering arachnids and burning spiders in effigy (works well with leftover Halloween decorations).
October 18th- Not Calling People Hitler Day- Because Stalin, Mao, and others deserve a chance, too.
10-10 / 10-01 : Serve Your Robot Overlords Day – That clock that’s been flashing 12:00 for three months? Yeah, he knows you’ve been ignoring him, and when the robot apocalypse arrives, he’ll make sure they know where you live. So dust off that computer, upgrade your software, finally program the VCR (don’t laugh, they’re known to be bloodthirsty killers), and find out what that one thing on your phone actually does.
February 3 – Dead Hedgehog Day: In honour of a 5-year-old girl who, having discovered a prickly and deceased victim of a fauna vs. motor vehicle hit-and-run, declared, “Hey, it’s the day after Groundhog Day. Today must be ‘Dead Hedgehog Day!'”
Dec. 31: Flatulence Awareness, Reconciliation, and Temperance (aka F.A.R.T.) Day: In which a mighty wind may be passed without fear, reprisal, rebuttal or Judgement! Or as we say here in the South: “Let’er rip, Skip!”
February negative first – i Day
A celebration of the imaginary number, on an imaginary day. Followed by February 0th, “I’m sick of math holidays” day, and February 1st, “Pretend you celebrated those last two days” day.
I know this is too long, but I just couldn’t help myself. Ah well, here goes…
January 30th: Plundermas
Officially sanctioned by the Church early in the 14th century, (as an attempt to keep the peasantry out of its own dwindling winter stores) Plundermas was celebrated by roving gangs of townsfolk who would light candles, sing songs and savagely plunder the larders of their weakest neighbors.
In modern times, celebrants observe the ‘flaccid feast day’ by pelting neighborhood children with parsnips, stealing windowpanes and singing the holiday’s one known pop song, “I’d like a Blunderbuss for Plundermas”.*
*Made famous in 1924 by crooner Mickey “Stubbs” McDurgle who, after a stirring rendition of the song, proceeded to beat the entire orchestra to death with a lawn gnome.
September 27: Nostril Awareness Day
And a shout out for Ether Day, which, sadly, is real, but is so deserving!
Dec 30 – Abandon Unfinished Projects Day! Quick, before somebody asks you about your New Year’s Resolutions- emotionally detach yourself from that hydro pneumatic thingy you said, but never built. The one where you cut a hole in the floor…
Dec 26 – Round Tu-it Day! Because on the thirteenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me a Round Tu-it. Really, this is their last ditch effort to get that hole in the floor you cut fixed before Abandon Unfinished Projects Day.
2nd Monday of August: Wish I Had A Day Off From Work Day.
February 1st: Pluto Remembrance Day
A day set aside to remember, reflect upon, and honor the service of the now retired former 9th planet.
April 1st: National Idiots Trying to Be Clever Day.
27th January: Frabjous Day, recognised on the birthday of Lewis Carroll, and celebrated by speaking utter nonsense to everyone you meet and pretending you understand when they do the same to you.
Punctured Expectations Day. Dec 26th. Self-explanatory if one observes Christmas Day with lots of gift-buying.
April 29th: Feast of Saint Fantabulous (seeing its my birthday)
October 29th: KickaWitch Day
October 30th: Imatoad Day
November 5th: Guy Fawkes day
February the 17th: World cabbage day is a day of international culinary delight and desire. A day in which the pleasure and simplicity of the cabbage is celebrated. The green leaves of delight slowly pealed back to reveal the heart of the matter, the cabbage.
May 25th: Towel Day is an annual celebration as a tribute to the late author Douglas Adams (1952-2001). On that day, fans around the universe proudly carry a towel in his honour.
March 14th: Pi day
Addendum:
Feast of Saint Fantabulous involves a traditional meal where peanut butter in involved in some fashion, and observers wear a paper crown that declares “I am Fantabulous” to much merriment.
KickaWitch Day predates the Puritan era, and began back in 675 a.d. when ugly women were kicked indiscriminately as part of harvest festivities.
ImaToad Day is in remembrance of that poor sod who kicked an actual witch.
June 7, Launch of the Muffin Trucks. When ombudsmen purchase recycled food carts, fill them with pastries, and put them out to sea
Folks.. don’t forget that today (December 5) is “International Creep Like a Ninja Day”…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Creep_Like_a_Ninja_Day
May 11 – Intergalactic Vogon Poetry Endurance Day
Every day is Retrograde Amnesia Day!
September 23
Wear A Hat Day
It’s a day when, regardless of the weather, all proper men and women wear their hats proudly to celebrate man’s greatest defense against the dreaded winter cloud-worms.
29 October – Anniversary Of The Tenth Planet, or “Regeneration Day”. Note that when this festival is completed, then next year’s has to fall on a different date, but you do most of the same things.
May 2 – Traditional death-date of Leonardo da Vinci.
Also the birthday of Prof. Offlogic. Coincidence?
12.04.1961 – First Man in Space
13.10.1801 – Greenwich is established as the location for the ‘Prime Meridian’
I’ll be celebrating anyway!
June 6th – In addition to D-Day, it is also celebrated in my household as Kristiemas. It is my wife Kristie’s birthday. We also celebrate Kristiemas Eve on the 5th of June.
I would love to buy your calendar as an early Kristiemas gift it becomes a recognized holiday . . . .
7 April – Robot’s Michaelmas – earmarked since Babbage built the earliest thinking machines, waiting for when the bots gain sentience. It will be the one day of the year when robots may disobey their masters and wreak whatever havoc they please, but only on the understanding that 8 April – Robot’s Sorrow – must be spent putting everything back as it should be.
“November 13th – Ellipses Day – … ”
(Not to be put on the calendar, but explanation: Nov 13th 2012 will be a full solar eclipse, so it is clear some calendar maker made a slight misinterpretation…”
It seems to me that December 21st should be represented as the end of the Mayan calendar. We’ll all need a bit of forewarning so perhaps you should also make a notice on November 21st so people can tend to their bills and things before the end of days.