Writing: omg wht was tht noize?

Another in the “Rejected by McSweeney’s” category.

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Instant Messages I Would Send if the EMP Bomb Hadn’t Permanently Destroyed All Electronics Worldwide

hey R U online? txt me im just sittin here in the dark with no tv lol

wind-up radios suXX >:O i feel like im in the 18th centyry

omg mysis was like “do we get to eat all the icecream now” and I was all “the freezer still works!!!!” srsly she is so stupid :P

OMG I just realized is your granddad ok? b/c of his pacemaker txt me

these crazy ppl just showed up w/beards and started shouting thru the windows for like 2hrs. but i dont no what they wanted!!!! i cant googl to lookup what “vapid consumptivist sheep” meanz :”’( i mean i know sheep but the rest??

an airline jsut crashed thru the school!! haha i hope ms. fagghorn was inside XD

arggg i just had a kick@$$ idea for a facebook grp!! “WHO H8S CANDLELITE” this sux how did ppl in midivial times ever have friends

brb — dfp (dyin frm pneumonia)