New Holidays for 2012

Wow! You suggested a ton of great holidays for 2012, and I suggest that every one of you carefully read the comments on the previous post and observe every one of those delightful feast days, commemorations, and convenient days off work.

Here are the ones that will be included on the 2012 Wondermark Calendar (the cover to which is pictured above). I shifted a few dates around to ensure an even distribution, and added a handful of my own. Please get ready to observe:

January 11: St. Whinge’s Day
This is a day for letting off steam over all your bad luck in the past year, and the unfairness of the universe in general. On this day, children may carry a hat or cap in their hand, and anyone may toss a coin into it. Anyone who does is entitled to tell the child about an instance from the past year where the malevolent forces of the world clearly conspired against any sensible probability. The child is expected to listen attentively and reply with the ritual words: “Well, that’s just incredibly bad luck, that is!” (Submitted by Immanio)

January 28: Y’haug’f’than
A day predicted by the astrologies of long burnt out stars in which Esh’am’borath the Goat Mother of Ten Thousand Young will ascend from the murky, cyclopean gates of the Neverliving and rend the sanity from our still screaming husks. Typically celebrated by the exchange of trite greeting cards, or by that one annoying woman at work that bakes cupcakes at any excuse. (Submitted by Howard P. L.)

January 22: The Black Feast of St. Argyle’s
The day you reschedule your winter holiday to, either because you couldn’t get time off in December to visit your folks or because you were stuck with your in-laws on Christmas. It’s a second chance to get your holidays right. (Submitted by dawnwich)

February 30: Imaginary Day (Also known as Double-Leap-Day)
A day so rare it hasn’t occurred since 1712! Because it requires Good Ol’ Dr. Time to leap twice, and he gets quite tired after the first one, usually. (So tired it takes four years to recover, if not more.) It’s not likely to happen in 2012 either, but it’s included in the hope that it will! We can celebrate its coming in the traditional way, by hopping around like Mexican jumping beans all day! (Submitted by Josh)

March 4th: Verb Day
The only day that is a verb. Celebrate by engaging in active pursuits, such as running, dancing or juggling. Civic festivities often include the ceremonial invention of new verbs, such as “scraddling”, which will be new for 2012. (Submitted by Lee)

March 20: Bloodletting Day
A springtime purification ritual, observed by many religions, in which practitioners celebrate by dotting their bodies with leeches. Followed by:
March 21: Lethargy Day
(Submitted by Beth)

March 31: National Beard Appreciation Day
Celebrated on the last Saturday in March by proudly wearing one’s beard in public spaces. Those without beards are expected to provide food and refreshment to their bearded betters, or may wear false beards (and receive false food in return). Standing ovations for particularly spectacular specimens are considered a polite show of support. Shaving on National Beard Appreciation Day is considered very gauche. (Submitted by Eddie)

April 14: Robots’ Michaelmas
Earmarked since Babbage built the earliest thinking machines, waiting for when the bots gain sentience. It will be the one day of the year when robots may disobey their masters and wreak whatever havoc they please, but only on the understanding that April 15 (Robots’ Sorrow) must be spent putting everything back as it should be. (Submitted by Stewart)

May 9: Non-Denominational Regret Day
A day for thinking back on the things that could have been, or should have been. Celebrants write their regrets down, then fold their papers and spear them on the branches of a tree. Children with few regrets often write down what they hope they will regret in the coming year. Everybody then takes home one other person’s regret, and the tree spontaneously dies. (Submitted by Leif A.)

June 6: The Feast of Arithmetic
Each year, the Feast of Arithmetic takes place on a date in which the month and day add to the common abbreviation of the year, i.e. 6 + 6 = 12 (6/6/12). There are no festivities, and everybody has to work late.

June 23: Library Day
Held on the first Saturday on or after June 20, Library Day is celebrated by parading from house to house at dawn, gathering your friends, dressing in outlandish costumes and waving flags and noisemakers, and marching down the avenue to the local library. Following that, there is folk dancing by the information desk, maypole and morris teams included. Some communities do lion dances, but that custom is not yet universal. At noon, the librarians dish out ice cream, and everyone settles down with their favorite book. (Submitted by The Mock Turtle. Note that I very much want this to happen, as it sounds extraordinarily lovely.)

July 29: National Ice Cream Day
The only holiday on this list to actually be real (after a fashion), National Ice Cream Day was declared a holiday by Ronald Reagan. It’s freaking hot and everyone could use an excuse to skip work and go have some ice cream! (Submitted by Patricia)

July 21: Tomorrow’s Eve
The third Saturday in July. Celebrated before Tomorrow Day (or Today Day, as it is known in Canada), people usually get together and make Tomorrow Day resolutions (go to the grocery store, finally clean the garage) and reminisce about the day past. (Submitted by Gary)

August 12: St. Crepes Day
Generally only observed in pre-war Belgium, St. Crepes Day celebrates the patron saint of waffles, Simon du Crepes, who was killed in the great pancake flood of 1483. Not to be confused with Lumberjack Day (September 26), on which pancakes are eaten, on St. Crepes Day traditionally waffles are eaten for every meal, and nothing but. Garnishing St. Crepes Day waffles with syrup or other additives is generally thought to blunt the penitent and holy nature of the observer’s contemplation. (Submitted by Andy)

August 14: Breakup Day
Personal relationship not working out? Today’s the day to call it quits. By virtue of being antipodean to Valentine’s Day and three months out from the “family holidays” (Thanksgiving and Christmas), Breakup Day is the nadir of emotionality. (Submitted by neoeo)

August 25: Just Make It Day
It’s a hot, lazy day, so head on out to the backyard, bust out the toolbox, and take that Complicated Thing apart, and see if you can put it back together! Or see if you can build a Complicated Thing in the first place! A day to throw away the instructions and pick up a project. (Submitted by SD)

September 2: Picklemas
Celebration of the end of the pickle harvest. Traditional activities include the Pickle Festival, pickle rolling, and the charitable distribution of small jars of gherkins to families too poor to afford pickles of their own. (Submitted by Carl Zetie)

4th week of September to 2nd week of October: Oktoberfesterdämmerung
You start out celebrating Oktoberfest in the afternoon as normal, drinking beer, eating sausage, etc. As afternoon turns to evening, the festivities take on an increasingly melancholy tone, and you are overcome by a vague sense of loss. This becomes tempered with fond memories of youth, and slowly turns into a generalized mourning for a golden age now past. If you do it correctly, you should start to see the stars blink out of the sky by about 9pm or so. (Submitted by Mad Jack McMad)

October 1: Pluto Day
A day set aside to remember, reflect upon, and honor the service of the now retired former 9th planet. Festivities include parades that gradually drift farther and farther away. (Submitted by Aidan)

October 21: The Feast of St. Apostrophe
Named for the patron saint of punctuation. On this holiday, acolytes seek out wayward, lost apostrophes on signs like “Free Book’s” and bring them back into the fold, justifying their existence by adding context, such as “Free Book’s brother Jim from jail.”

November 30th: Beardsgiving
Celebrate the true start of the holiday season by surprising your bare-faced family members with new beards as they sleep! Keep it simple with permanent marker, or score bonus points with hobo shavings and super glue. After all, who DOESN’T want a luxurious Santa beard in December?!?
(Submitted by Obidan)

December 1: Thanksmas
On the first Saturday in December, celebrate a mashup of Thanskgiving and Christmas with your friends, because families are terrible and friends are better. (Submitted by Skylar English. Another that I hope actually catches on, not because my family is terrible, but just because this sounds super fun.)

December 2: Freak Out Day
If you’re in school, it’s finals. If you work retail, it’s busy. If you celebrate a gift-giving holiday, it’s time to shop. And if you’re anyone at all, the year is almost over, and how in the world did it get this late, this quickly? Just take a day to freak out. It’s okay; everything will still be here tomorrow. But for one day, it’s okay to freak out.

December 15: Lightningmas
As explained on Tweet Me Harder — Kids can celebrate the myth of lightning by wearing special pajamas and zigzag hats, putting on a pageant, making a large bag, and putting it out on the roof at night. In the morning, the bag will be full of muffins! But that still doesn’t make lightning real.

All of these holidays are collected for your convenience on the 2012 Wondermark Calendar!