Here lie most of the biggest remaining chunks of David Malki !

With reference to today’s comic — a few weeks ago, Boston hosted a marathon epitaph-writing session between myself, Joey & Emily, Ryan, Randall, and Kris. Some of my favorites (that I can remember):

~ Here lies Emily Horne, or at least her most recent host body
~ Here lies Joey Comeau, or at least someone wearing his face
~ Here lies Randall Munroe and the items his atoms have been fused with
~ Here lies Ryan North, PROVEN WRONG FOR ONCE
~ Here lies Kris Straub / 1979-2004, 2005, 2007, 2010
~ David Malki ! / 1980-2005 / 2010-

What’s your epitaph? Leave a comment and share!

  • Chris W

    Here lies Chris W.
    He’s definitely dead this time.
    We made sure.

  • Fernando Irías

    If I get into coma: “Here lies Fernando Irías, still resting in peace after his 10 years coma.”

    If I commit sucide: “Here lies Fernando Irías, succeeding at least once.”

    Any other case: “Here lies Fernando Irías, he deserved this.”

  • Kelly

    There’s always the Oregon Trail classic: “Peperony and chease.” But I think my favorite is the one my sister wants: “Well, this sucks.”

  • ZI

    I’d really like to have a sad smiley somewhere on my gravestone. :-(

    Perhaps in conjunction with “Zeke Iddon – awaiting zombification” or “Here lies Ze…’ewww guys there’s worms down here'”.

  • DocN

    I don’t want a tomb so much as a sarcophagus. With the inscription “DANGER! Extreme Radiation!”

  • Joshua A.C. Newman

    Joshua A.C. Newman
    Light Fuse and Get Away.

  • Alex Leitch

    Alex Leitch: “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

    I have, in fact, gotten several people to solemnly swear that, should they be alive and I dead, they will deface my final resting place with a sandblaster and this slogan, etching it in permanent, terrible, drunken graffiti for all time. Or at least until someone else buys the plot.

  • spinn
  • spinn


    though in theory an actual geek might’ve known how to put brackets in a wp comment, I suppose

  • Chuck

    Here lies Chuck, immortalized as proving final the red wire, green wire debate.

  • Laura Y.

    Laura Yona: She made mistakes, but she made them well and enjoyed them all thoroughly.

  • Robust McManlyPants

    I recently decided that I want mine to read, “HE KNEW THE RISKS”. I could settle for, “ETERNAL OPTIMIST, ALWAYS LOOKING UP”.

  • MichaelG

    Michal R.I.P.
    Born 1966 to loving Parents

    Died 2066 Shot by a jealous Husband

  • Steve Hill

    “I told you I was Ill”

    (Stolen from the late great Spike Milligan.)

  • Holly

    Here Lie the Earthly Remains of
    Holly von Winckel
    born 2 February 1974
    uploaded 5 November 2047
    May her long-awaited cybernetic body serve her well.

  • Candy Schneider

    “Here lies Candy, minus her underpants.”

  • Karl

    “Hoist on his own petard.”


    “Here lies Kurt Hamburger. Except on full moon lit nights.”

  • Chris M.

    “Here lies Chris / He tells the truth over there, though.”

  • Rosscott

    Here lies Rosscott. Died in a flying car incident.
    1983 — 20XX

  • Neurocistance

    Here lies Neurocistance
    TTL Exceeded

  • Alex

    Here lies Alex
    born 1983
    buried 2088
    in her Cadillac.

    Here lies Alex
    If the Ancient Egyptians were right
    about the afterlife, she’s screwed.

    Here lies Alex
    She asked to be cremated
    but we wanted to see
    how her zombie turned out.

  • Andrew

    I’ve always wanted.

    Please move, you are standing on my face
    He really should have just asked “what’s this button do?”

  • Denis J Calarco

    Here Lies Denis J Calarco
    “Please do not drag your ass across my grave.”

  • Brian

    1961 – 20xx
    “Hey, who turned out the lights?”

    I told this to a group of friends. NONE of them appreciated it. I was bummed.

  • Jamie

    Here lies Jamie, stay down this time.

  • Brendan

    “Here lies Brendan Adkins, probably.”

  • Art kenney

    “Immortal ’til the day he died.”

  • Serena Lewin

    “Here lies Serena Lewin- FINAL-FUCKING-LY!!!”

    “Here lies Serena Lewin, not much different from when she was alive”

    “Here lies Serena Lewin, as obscure as she can get”

  • Richy

    “For Science!”
    “That was totally worth it!”

  • Dan

    Here lies Dan Roman.
    No wait, he’s in the next one over, who the hell is this, then?

  • kyknoord

    A holiday, at last! Bit warm, though.

  • David

    “Here is where David would lie if he weren’t cremated and thrown on Steve Buscemi”

    actually working on getting this put into my will.

  • Asia

    Was Brian’s comment a Doctor Who reference?

  • Wiredwizard

    Victim of the Great Zombie Uprising of 2010
    If sighted, please return to grave for refund

    C4 apparently wasn’t the answer

    May Unholy Cthulhu Show Him Mercy
    & Swallow His Soul Without Chewing

    Damned Martians!

    Death By Dalek – 2010

  • Melina

    Brian: YES.

  • pdunwin



  • Catbus

    “At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go back into the same box.”

  • Nhatty

    Here lies Nhat 1981 – 20XX, Champion of Justice, Defender of Freedom and the American Way.. until he turned evil.

    At least until it will be revealed it was this is his clone all along that did all those evil things.

  • Jon P

    Here lies the body of Jonathan Pound
    Lost in space and never found

  • Joel W

    Six feet below/
    The ground on which you stand/
    Lies Joel Wilson/
    A most kind and gentle man/
    Now get the **** off me.

  • Mal

    After Peter O’Toole’s wife sent his favourite leather jacket (one that had been through various drunken stress tests) to a dry cleaners, it came back with a notice pinned to the collar: “It distresses us to return work which is not perfect.”
    O’Toole decided there and then that it “would do” for his epitaph.
    Now I’m thinking about it, too!

  • Joe

    My favorite of all time comes from Dinosaur Comics:

  • Mahlen Morris

    Mahlen Morris
    1964 – 20xx
    End of File

  • Nolan

    Here lies Nolan

    His dying wish was to be stuffed and mounted in Disneyland as a singing animatronic. So much for dreams coming true.

  • Euel Ball

    Euel Ball
    1960 – 2030
    2032 – 2037
    2043 – 2065

    Pray to whatever God or Holy power you believe in that he stays here.

  • baraga

    That’s brilliant. I think I’m stealing yours.

  • dartigen

    Here lies Dartigen, and probably several others.

    Here lies Dartigen. We think.

    Dartigen 1993-20xx
    INKYv2 2010-20xx
    ARGUS 2009-20xx
    Waiting for response from host…

  • Catbus

    BTW, my all-time favorite real-world epitaph is one I discovered on a junior-year field trip to Graceland Cemetery in Chicago:

    ονε φοοτ ιν φαιριελανδ

    As it happened, I knew the Greek alphabet, and when I saw it I did a double-take, intuiting immediately that though the letters were Greek, the words weren’t.

    Trying to trace the source of the phrase led me to interesting literary works by Eleanor Farjeon and G.K. Chesterton. Now THAT is a powerful epitaph.

    (BTW, the epitaph belongs to J. Roderick MacArthur. It’s right next to the grave of Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, whose gravestone is a plain rectangle. Less is more, even in death.)

  • Bob

    Nyah Nyah I Beat You

  • mike

    RIP Benjamin Button 1998-1921